What do you assign to Mordor?

[littlemanpoet]

I just noticed in the Letters (#219) that Tolkien assigned Siamese cats to Mordor! ... maybe because of their disposition? I know that he assigned faceless bureaucracies to Mordor too.

I personally assign to Mordor people on the road who race 15 or more over the speed limit only to end up at the red light, waiting, because they haven't enough sense or patience or both to go the speed limit and catch the lights green, which are all timed to work out right. Oh, and tailgaters too.

What do you assign to Mordor? And why?

[mormegil]

I would like to assign the law school application process. It is the most evil and wicked system in the world. I have just finished hearing back from all the schools and it has been the worst process to go through.

[Elentari_Elbereth]

I would assign Communists and really bad Lawers. Also people who are snotty and think they're more important that everyone.

[Anguirel]

Most Alsatians. Horrible, wolfy things...

All Jack Russells, without exception.

Vodka. That really is orc-liquor...

Dill. Foul, vile, evil, insidious herb...

[Lindolirian]

Teachers who don't care. [rant]If you don't want to help kids learn, get a different job and stop wasting my time with busy work.[/rant] And impatient people who screw things up because they can't get instant gratification in everything.

Also old ice cream, over-salted popcorn, Nazis, blankets that are too short, and most vegetables.

[wilwarin538]

All those crazy people who think Tolkien's work is.........boring.

[Gil-Galad]

I'll assign all the people that were mean to me in junior high...next week high school!

[Azrakhor Akallabeth]

Originally Posted by Anguirel

Most Alsatians. Horrible, wolfy things...

All Jack Russells, without exception.

Vodka. That really is orc-liquor...

Dill. Foul, vile, evil, insidious herb...

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAaaaaaaaaaaaha hhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahHHHhHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAA AAAAAAAhhhhhHHHHhHHAhHAaaAAAAAHAHAHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA AAAAAAAh! Oh my.

[Azrakhor Akallabeth]

After reading some of this thread (and counting) I have to say that one thing is certain- true Tolkien fans are some of the liveliest, ultra-witty and intelligent bipedal (and otherly ambulatory) humanoids in all of Middle Earth. It's no wonder when the overly self-congratulating find the Professors work to be uninteresting. They appear to lack the depth to appreciate the richness of his. Such amazing men as he are not only extremely rare, but are (very nearly) responsible for making this life worth all the trouble (how many parenthesis is one allowed per paragraph?).

So, having voiced that scathing and abrasive opinion (concerning out-worlders), I must second the sentiments concerning all dullards who think Tolkien's work is boring (at best) and annoying (in the least), and the "Legolasites", or however one might pronounce it (sounds like parasites), who are only in it for the killer cool contact lenses and the sick snow sledding shield. These, without a doubt, come from Mordor as surely as will my (someday) future mother-in-law.

And to add my own personal bias- Anything that walks with more than four legs.

[Galadriel55]

Pssst - we put good stuff in this thread!

Originally Posted by Azrakhor

Anything that walks with more than four legs.

Caterpillars are ok.

This is going to sound rather petty and whiny, and indeed it is a pretty small annoyance in the scheme of things, but nonetheless

Isn't it the little petty things that make up our daily troubles?

Fake gift-giving. That is, the practice of buying someone a "present" with yourself in mind, then immediately asking for a long-term loan of said present. Really, who do they think they're kidding? (Yes, yes, this just happened to me, of course– can't you tell?)

How cheap and annoying! I feel really lucky that this didn't happen to me. Whoever did this to you has no brains.

[Formendacil]

Rabid fans of the LotR who only got into it because of Legolas and the whole "it's in now" things. And only stayed fans as long as there was a new movie waiting to come out.

[Elianna]

Originally Posted by Formendacil

Rabid fans of the LotR who only got into it because of Legolas and the whole "it's in now" things. And only stayed fans as long as there was a new movie waiting to come out.

AMEN!

[littlemanpoet]

Suburbia.

Square acres of parking lots surrounding malls.

The new Walgreen's under construction in place of one of the last standing groves of trees (two acres!) on a busy street corner; I will never shop there.

Forests and hills leveled for a golf course.

Anything having to do with Paris Hilton (including this sentence) .... and her ilk.

Business accounting such that "labor" is a "liability" (nimrods); in the Shire, labor is done by hobbits (and humans) for the good of the community.

Now to turn all this into doggerel..... hmm.......

[Esgallhugwen]

Hm, what to send to Mordor, this will actually be easy.

Firstly my brother, who thinks the world revolves around him. The only thing that'll be revolving around him in Mordor are Orcs trying to decide which of his limbs to devour first. Seriously we don't get along well and he's rather mean to my mother.

Centipedes and milipedes, mosquitos, horseflies, ticks, and anything that burrows itself under the skin.

Tiny fluffly poodles, or any small dogs for that matter, that won't keep their yaps shut. Or any people that won't keep their yaps shut.

People who glare or look at you as though you're the lowest thing on earth. What did I ever do to you?

My brother's bird who wakes me up with her eardrum shattering screeching. It gets very bad sometimes to the point of bringing me to insanity.

That's all I'll say for now, I'd like to give other people a chance.

[The Only Real Estel]

People who run their stop/yield sign and then glare at you like you should've stopped for them.

People who think they are the bomb because they have a Honda Civic...a 1990 Honda Civic.

My parents reluctance to get me my long overdue driver's license.

[The Saucepan Man]

Well thanks folks. I have been assigned to Mordor no less than five times on this thread (three times by the phantom alone)! Oh, and the place where I live has been too (although the comparison with Mordor is probably fair).

[Pallando]

To Mordor I assign the person who invented those shoes which were loose around your ankles, yet tight upon your toes, so that I hurt to wear the blasted things. By Ilúvatar, does it feel good to take them off at the end of the day!

[littlemanpoet]

Terrorists have already been sent to Mordor, so I'll send the little worries that pick at the mind of whether I'll be safe in those double decker busses or in the underground of London. Anyway, I'll be back in three weeks. I'm off to England tomorrow. Have fun and keep making this thread a hoot to read. Even about snotty hankies!

[Nuranar]

Practice job interviews - with your parents.

[littlemanpoet]

Originally Posted by FotP

I'd like to assign a modern world where a five year old is so accustomed to certain situations that she would ask me without second thought if another five year old I was talking to at her school was my daughter.

Perhaps what you're dealing with here is the guilelessness of a five-year old who considers anybody who looks like an adult to be "old", and therefore you look as much like a 29 year old (or 49 year old) as a 19 year old to her. Just a thought.

[Feanor of the Peredhil]

Originally Posted by littlemanpoet

Perhaps what you're dealing with here is the guilelessness of a five-year old who considers anybody who looks like an adult to be "old", and therefore you look as much like a 29 year old (or 49 year old) as a 19 year old to her. Just a thought.

Perhaps, though the idea of procreating at age thirteen (the age necessary for me to currently have a child of primary school age) was certainly one that slipped my mind at the time. I was a kid still! Heck, I still am. I'm not even mature enough to say the word "pianist" with a straight face.

Therefore I assign the word "pianist". *snicker*

[Eonwe]

ha ha. i don't think you ever get to the point where you can say pianist with absolute stone-facedness. even when your ninety, there must be something that giggles in the back of you mind.

anyway, i assign that period of time when it should be winter adn snowing, but its not. hurry up, for goodness sake!

[Formendacil]

On a similar topic, I assign to Mordor anybody who think that families of more than two children are "huge" and a "potential threat of overpopulation". In Canada, at least, the only reason the population is growing is immigrants. Having a family of seven is not going to overstrain the world's resources...

Furthermore, it's a lot cooler being the oldest of seven than being "the older of two".

~An oldest of seven, and proud of it~

[Cailín]

Originally Posted by Formendacil

On the same topic, my own disgruntlement leads me to assign those people to Mordor who assume that to live a life with no romantic interests must be the greatest of hardships and they "really don't see how you'll be able to do it". (No, not talking about you, Cailin, just people I know in 'real life'...)

Not talking about me, eh? Well, sir, you have just brutally assigned me to the most foul and evil place that ever existed. Though I am not one of those people who need to be romantically involved to survive (on the contrary), that giddy feeling of being in love, or rather having a crush, works like a drug for me.

Originally Posted by the phantom

Learn to flip the switch. It's an invaluable asset.

Ay, it is the sensible thing, but I never liked being a sensible person. Don’t worry though, I am quite familiar with this switch thing you speak of and whenever necessary, I shall use it. Fortunately, this is not very often.

--

To stay on topic, even though this has already been a busy irritation day for me: I should like to assign crossovers in fanfiction to Mordor. I wasn’t really aware of them before this day, seeing that I don’t spend a whole lot of time in fandoms, but I accidentally came across one today and was instantly horrified. I’m talking about a Harry Potter – Lord of the Rings crossover here, and by all accounts, these are not as rare as they should be. Authors of such an abomination must have a warped mind indeed. I shall not go into details about what I’ve read, but the Wormtail – Wormtongue jokes were among the better ones.

After reading the story, I could not help my mind thinking of other frightful possibilities for crossovers… We might have an Alice in Wonderland version (in which Aragorn and his army of the dead unexpectedly tumble down a rabbit’s hole) or a Little Mermaid one (where the fellowship suddenly finds themselves accompanied by a red haired girl with a pretty voice, swimming up and down the Anduin) or a Lord of the Rings – Pokemon crossover (better not imagine the possible horrors that might entail).

Anyway, this sacrilegious act should be abolished and never seen on the Internet again, before someone writes the extremely obvious Phantom of the Opera – Lord of the Rings songfic featuring Frodo and the Ring.

Actually, it might be better to assign all forms of fanfiction to Mordor. But I am quite sure not everybody here would appreciate that so much.

ha ha. i don't think you ever get to the point where you can say pianist with absolute stone-facedness.

Why do I really not get this?

[Feanor of the Peredhil]

Originally Posted by Cailín

Why do I really not get this?

Say it aloud a few times, dear.

[ninja91]

I assign Immanuel Kant, because I have seen true beauty more than once.

[Imladris]

German Midterms and all the declining of past/future/present verbs and adjective endings that are determined by gender among other things that tend to make the brain explode.

[Celuien]

Away to Mordor with door locks that break and leaved you locked in behind them!

Fortunately, I'm on the smaller side and this was one of those dressing room type doors with a fairly large space underneath, so I made my escape by slipping under the door.

I also assign sliding across a floor that is probably disgustingly filthy. *shudders*

[Saurreg]

Poor Celuien. I know how it feels. One time my section got locked out of our bunk in specialist training centre, boot camp. And to get add to the dilemma, it was the weekend bookout and the three tonner truck was waiting to take us to the ferry terminal. I was nominated by my section mates to go through another section's bunk, climb out their window and enter ours to unlock the door.

[Feanor of the Peredhil]

I assign when the elevator doors shut, but not all the way, leaving you stuck inside an unmoving metal box that's suspended at least seventy feet above the bottom of the shaft. *shiver*

[littlemanpoet]

I assign to Mordor, or consign to aitch ee double toothpicks, for that matter (it belongs there), the entire U.S. Health system, with all of its ridiculous health insurance red tape, especially when one has to switch coverages, switch doctors, make sure the old doctor and insurance coverer realizes what's going on even though you already told them, such that the new doctor will actually see you for your 3pm appointment. Grrrrrrrrrrr....

[Lalwendë]

The NHS isn't much easier, even though it's free and no insurance companies (who are not amongst my favourite things either) are involved. Try getting a dentist when you move to a new area...and woe betide you ever seek to change your doctor if you are unhappy with them.

I actually assign to Mordor Doctor's Receptionists as they're growing increasingly like little Hitlers these days. You ring up for an appointment and not only do they sigh and bark at you because they've had to actually pick up the phone but they make it as difficult as possible for you to get an appointment. "You can have one three weeks on Thursday. I don't care if you are dying." Then if you want one sooner they ask you what's up with you and get the 'ump when you refuse to tell them and quite rightly point out that they are not the Doctor and as such are not qualified to judge if you are 'sick enough' or not.

This is only one of the receptionists. The rest are quite nice. But that felt good all the same.

[ninja91]

I assign backstabbing friends.

[Formendacil]

My assignment follows the theme of doctors and government bureaucracy...

I assign the bureaucracy of the our government-subsidised CBC, which somehow decided that the last fifteen minutes of Ken Dryden's hockey jersey retirement ceremony ought to run on into Doctor Who's timeslot.

[Kath]

I assign finding out you have to fundraise to get £150, and having no ideas on what to do!

In fact, if anyone does have any ideas please PM me!

[Durelin]

I assign "real world math."

Math beyond addition, subtraction, multiplication, and division are completely separate of the "real world" in my mind. When I look at a ladder leaning up against a house, I don't think of taking a derivative. My apologies.

Give me two apples and two oranges and I can tell you how much fruit I have, but....

[Beleg Cuthalion]

Getting sick in August! Of all times to get sick, none stop clouds, rain and the temperature hanging around 15 C. Be GONE, and trouble me no more! I assign you all to Mordor! BAH!!!

(Normally I like clouds and cool weather)

[Brinniel]

I'm going to have to agree with those who assign hot and dry weather.

Right now, Idaho has the most acres burning in the entire United States (16 fires and 787,342 acres). Five counties have been declared in a state of emergency. Some areas are so smoky you can hardly see and I have even seem flames consuming the foothills with my own eyes.

Any rain that does come only last for ten minutes. I miss the rain and would love to have the kind of rain you other guys are having...

[littlemanpoet]

Originally Posted by Brinniel

I'm going to have to agree with those who assign hot and dry weather.

Right now, Idaho has the most acres burning in the entire United States (16 fires and 787,342 acres). Five counties have been declared in a state of emergency. Some areas are so smoky you can hardly see and I have even seem flames consuming the foothills with my own eyes.

Any rain that does come only last for ten minutes. I miss the rain and would love to have the kind of rain you other guys are having...

In other words, parts of Idaho actually look like Mordor. Michigan is so far faring better than that, although the upper three Great Lakes are losing too much water to Erie due to human dredging efforts around Detroit - which, by the by, belongs in Mordor.

[Borromino]

Interesting