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07-05-2006, 10:56 AM | #1 |
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The Barrow Downs Newspaper
Read all about it, Extra! Local Wight rises from the dead! Time space continuum found dead in shop window! Idiot makes fake newspaper!
I've decided to present the Official* Barrow Downs Newspaper as a topic here. For two reasons: 1) I don't want to fill up the 'Who’s got the best signature' thread with my rubbish. And 2) Now everyone can join in on the fun! Here is the plan... I'll post the weekly front page and anyone can post an inside story of their choice. It can be any section of a Newspaper; Politics, current affairs, sport, literature; you could even make some puzzles if you want! Just post your story here! Remember, this is Mirth, so make it funny, or you'll be cast out! (Note: Only the front page will be posted as a picture, the others can be normal post unless you really want to include pictures). Oh, and you can write under a pseudonym if you wish. Also, if you wish to write a front page story, contact me by PM with your proposal. If it passes my 'funny' test, then I'll put it on the next front page! Have fun! I'll be updating every Monday... hopefuly. Week 1: *May not actually be Official
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I think that if you want facts, then The Downer Newspaper is probably the place to go. I know! I read it once. THE PHANTOM AND ALIEN: The Legend of the Golden Bus Ticket... |
07-05-2006, 11:13 AM | #2 |
Energetic Essence
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Ahhh good idea!
Here's one for an inside page. Middle Earth Idol Cancelled!? By Glirdan Tirithedain The new hit series "Middle Earth Idol" has lately come to a rolling stop. The contestants have song their songs, but the judges are nowhere to be found!? It has been heard that Vala Seacrest has lately taken on the role of moderating another fun game "Werewolf". Our dearly beloved (and always seemingly drunk because she's always too happy) Wilwa Abdul has been missing in action for almost a month. Has she gone to a rehab? Or is she off trying to find a new husband? One of the co-creators of this hit series, Glirdy Jackson, has been heard to have gone on vacation because his brain is on the fritz. The final judge who we all love to hate, Sleepy Cowell, has not been seen around for quite some time. Will this hit new series continue? Or will it turn into a flop like the "The Middle Earth Americain Football Tournament"? Only time, and perhaps a bit of extra cash, will tell. Note: Any questions about what I have put in here, please feel free to ask me...through PM's of course.
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I'm going to buy you a kitty, I'm going to let you fall in love with the kitty, and one cold, winter night, I'm going to steal into your house and punch you in the face! Fenris Wolf
Last edited by Glirdan; 07-05-2006 at 11:19 AM. |
07-05-2006, 01:27 PM | #3 |
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Game-Warden to the Events Rhino
Special Report:
Mount Zoom under threat! By Hamish McWelshman The infamous 'Mount Zoom Challenge' came under scrutiny today after a press conference by the creator, a Mr. H Goomba, said, "If the players won't play, then we'll have to close it down." There was a lot of confusion going on with players dropping in and out, posts being very short and a general lack of interest. A Pit stop was called to give the players a chance to recuperate, finish exams and other such annoyances. However, with the end of the Pit stop, last Saturday, so far none of the players have progressed the game. If the latest challenge is unattended, then the game will be abandoned. Sauron was quoted in an interview, saying, "I'm furious, obviously. My Mountain of Doom is far superior to the others and I need to prove it to all of Middle Earth!" So far, none of the players have been available for comment.
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I think that if you want facts, then The Downer Newspaper is probably the place to go. I know! I read it once. THE PHANTOM AND ALIEN: The Legend of the Golden Bus Ticket... Last edited by Hookbill the Goomba; 07-16-2006 at 03:48 PM. |
07-05-2006, 07:20 PM | #4 |
Energetic Essence
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Missing Persons Bulletin
By Glirdan Tirithedain on behalf of Crystal Heart Two of the members from a new Shire RPG, Dimutriel and Witch_Queen, have been missing for awhile. If anyone has spotted these two members or has any information about them, please notify the creator of the "Days of Darkness" RPG, Crystal Heart, as soon as possible. There is a reward of a million cookies being rewarded to anybody with information on these two missing members. You are allowed to berate them in anyway (ie. hit them, yell at them, hit them, force feed them cookies and hit them [make sure it's not to hard though. We still need them to post for their charcters after all]). Please notify the authoriy ASAP and thank you for your ghostly support in this matter. Approved by Crystal Heart - worried game owner
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I'm going to buy you a kitty, I'm going to let you fall in love with the kitty, and one cold, winter night, I'm going to steal into your house and punch you in the face! Fenris Wolf
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07-09-2006, 10:08 AM | #5 |
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Culture Section: Play reviews.
By Tom Bombadull
Today saw the opening of the infamous Davem's one-man show, "In search of the Legendarium". This emotional journey will bring even the most hardened Wight to tears and will probably change your entire life. The acting is outstanding, the music is unforgettable and the props will literally throw you out of your seats! If you're in town this week, I highly recommend this! If that's not your thing, also opening this week is Gil-Gallad's version of Superman, showing at the alternative theatre. However, don't expect any of the action of special effects of the latest films, no. This play includes Gil running around with the cape over his head, speaking muffled lines and performing odd fight scenes. The other actors are fine, the music is good and the lighting is admirable, if he'd take the cape off his head, it would probably be a good show. Films: The only big film on the horizon is Hookbill the Goomba's documentary film "Crazy Captions: The Movie" to be re-named 'Crazy Captions: Beneath the cloak' in Gondor. Here, the Goomba looks into the success of the thread and asks the questions everyone wishes he hadn’t.
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I think that if you want facts, then The Downer Newspaper is probably the place to go. I know! I read it once. THE PHANTOM AND ALIEN: The Legend of the Golden Bus Ticket... Last edited by Hookbill the Goomba; 07-09-2006 at 01:20 PM. |
07-24-2006, 12:10 PM | #6 |
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[QUOTE=Hookbill the Goomba]Today saw the opening of the infamous Davem's one-man show, "In search of the Legendarium". This emotional journey will bring even the most hardened Wight to tears and will probably change your entire life. The acting is outstanding, the music is unforgettable and the props will literally throw you out of your seats!
If you're in town this week, I highly recommend this! QUOTE] Or else Davem is just looking for Lalwende who had snuck off to the cinema with Boro ..is this the first item for the "Downer" gossip column?
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07-24-2006, 12:13 PM | #7 | |
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Quote:
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I think that if you want facts, then The Downer Newspaper is probably the place to go. I know! I read it once. THE PHANTOM AND ALIEN: The Legend of the Golden Bus Ticket... |
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07-25-2006, 01:55 PM | #8 |
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The Phantom and Alien... Episode Two!
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I think that if you want facts, then The Downer Newspaper is probably the place to go. I know! I read it once. THE PHANTOM AND ALIEN: The Legend of the Golden Bus Ticket... |
07-25-2006, 02:17 PM | #9 |
Energetic Essence
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Entertainment Section
Middle-Earth Idol Competition Back on it's feet...Somewhat...
By Glirdan Tirithedain This hit new series has finally gotten off it's back and onto it's feet...well...sort of. It was heard that Glirdy Jackson, one of the co-creators, was heard complaining to the other judges about communication. In an interview, Glirdy had this to say: "We have no communication with each other. Only Cowell and Seacrest seem to know what the challenge is for the next week without consulting the other judges. Yes I know that Cowell is technically the creator and that Seacrest is the host, but Wilwa and myself should still get a vote, should we not?" Will the judges and host eventually come to an agreement? Or will it be a flop? Only time, and a really good detective, will tell.
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I'm going to buy you a kitty, I'm going to let you fall in love with the kitty, and one cold, winter night, I'm going to steal into your house and punch you in the face! Fenris Wolf
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07-10-2006, 03:09 AM | #10 |
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Week 2 begins...
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I think that if you want facts, then The Downer Newspaper is probably the place to go. I know! I read it once. THE PHANTOM AND ALIEN: The Legend of the Golden Bus Ticket... |
07-10-2006, 06:25 AM | #11 |
Corpus Cacophonous
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Outrageous!
Typical journalistic misreporting. I was not a frying pan, but actually a kettle. And, rather than being completely deflated, it lost a small amount of air before the puncture was happily repaired. There is a lesson to be learned here, however. Inflatable kitchenwear is a false economy.
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07-14-2006, 09:23 AM | #12 |
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Well, after considering your comments, the Downer newspaper has decided to offer an official apology and give you two tickets to see the Argonath's world tour, beginning tomorrow in Berlin.
Anyway... Local Wight Buried in Dog Avalanche By Harold House After a long night of Crazy Captioning, a local Wight was today buried under a Dog avalanche outside the Dead Inn in the north of the Barrow Downs. Police are still investigating the incident and refusing to allow the dogs to be removed due to a fear of losing evidence. The Wight in question later suffocated.
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I think that if you want facts, then The Downer Newspaper is probably the place to go. I know! I read it once. THE PHANTOM AND ALIEN: The Legend of the Golden Bus Ticket... |
07-17-2006, 04:04 AM | #13 |
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Fact X Importance = NEWS!
Sports Here are this weeks Football / soccer results. Barrow Downs League Moderators united – 3 Chest Pains Athletic – 0 Rotten Skin FC – 9 Legless legs – 2 Wethertop Paragraph – 0 Midge water hysterical – 1 Gregory Arithmetic – 2 Hobbiton Inflation – 6 Bywater tentacle Vs Buckland swelling Match postponed due to orange pitch Education The Barrow Downs minister for education announced this week that dead children are to be banned from schools. A survey showed that dead children don't do enough work and distract the other children due to teasing and smells. Head teachers have welcomed the scheme saying that it will reduce classroom sizes and also leave the canteen freer to living people. Barrow Wights have called the decision 'disgraceful', 'horrible', 'shocking', and 'disgraceful'.
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I think that if you want facts, then The Downer Newspaper is probably the place to go. I know! I read it once. THE PHANTOM AND ALIEN: The Legend of the Golden Bus Ticket... |
07-20-2006, 09:22 AM | #14 |
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As with all self-respecting newspapers, The Downer has it's own small comic strip. This one is called 'The Phantom and Alien'.
Enjoy.
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I think that if you want facts, then The Downer Newspaper is probably the place to go. I know! I read it once. THE PHANTOM AND ALIEN: The Legend of the Golden Bus Ticket... |
07-24-2006, 12:01 PM | #15 |
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This is the News... Happy now?
And so the weeks continue.
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I think that if you want facts, then The Downer Newspaper is probably the place to go. I know! I read it once. THE PHANTOM AND ALIEN: The Legend of the Golden Bus Ticket... |
07-26-2006, 02:42 PM | #16 | |
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Quote:
Erm... You may want to ignore that...
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I think that if you want facts, then The Downer Newspaper is probably the place to go. I know! I read it once. THE PHANTOM AND ALIEN: The Legend of the Golden Bus Ticket... |
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07-26-2006, 03:45 PM | #17 |
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Appointments Think you're funny? Not afraid to deal with uncloaked wizards? Slightly satirical? Then we want YOU! Crazy Captions Inc. is seeking Humour Representatives to sell funnies to bring amusement to the dullest days of Downers across the world. Hours to suit. Commission paid for every new joke made. Basic £5.50 p.h. OTE £20,000. "Crazy Captions Inc. is the best employer ever. I would fully recommend working here." - Hookbill, Head of Captions. ***********
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Gordon's alive!
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07-26-2006, 09:42 PM | #18 |
Psyche of Prince Immortal
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My day with a misunderstood Balrog, and exclusvie interview by Gil-Galad
Gil-Galad: We have here today one Johnny the Stinky Balrog, now mr.balrog, how did you come by this name? Johnny: well when i was a kid, there was this tar pit near by filled with all these things that fell into it from above, my mommy always told me not to go near but i was hungry... and i fell in...and i basically never got the stench out GG: terrible, so now you wander around Middle-Earth *looks at paper* helping strangers with their problems and rasing a Penguin army. JB: ah yes, i mainly travel around now, setting fire to this and eating that guys horse, but i often enjoy sailing GG: oh really? how does a Balrog sail? JB:by not telling the crew theres a Balrog onboard! ha ha ha! GG: Hilaurious, now Mr.Joh- JB:hey can you get some special effect guy to make a picture of that? GG: we can try, but now Johnny, about this latest thing, where you burned down a local make-up store because of being turned down by a lady, do you care to explain? JB: well it wan't one of my proud moments... but she broke my heart and now i'm miserable...er...but thats the past GG:indeed...do you have any plans for the future? JB: of course i do and thanks for asking, i will plan on joining a wandering minstrel group and see how that works out...Lovely Spam... GG: excuse me? did you just say lovely spam? JB: maybe...maybe...no *eats spider* GG:woah... now did you just eat that spider? JB: i have no idea at what your talking about GG: you just ate that spider! JB:i did not GG: i swear i just saw you eat that spider! JB:i did not, now if you continue this rabling i might as well just leave GG: your the one rambling! you ate that spider! JB:i did not... wait... didn't you get killed off or something? GG:...no now i think thats all the time we have JB: hey yeah you did get killed off! GG: hey look an eagle! *runs off* After report: i never heard from him again, he was an interesting fellow and i would love to do more interviews of certain downers if one Goomba that may or may not have a bill that may or may not be hooked allows me to. Tune into more of my awesomeness and a PM may be coming to you soon!
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Love doesn't blow up and get killed.
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07-28-2006, 07:49 PM | #19 |
Ghost Prince of Cardolan
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The Red Planet Approaches Earth!!
by Naria Stargazer Yes, that's right people! Mars is coming to Earth. Within the month of August Mars will get ever closer to Earth; finally being seen by the naked eye on the night of August 27th, 2006. This will NOT happen again for another 60,000 years...so grab your friends and family and be a witness to this awesome spectacle.
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07-29-2006, 11:29 AM | #20 | ||||
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The Downer: it’s like a nicely toasted Fact sandwich
Letters to the Editor...
These were not made up... much... Quote:
Dear Mrs. Jekkaalg, Thank you for your letter regarding The Downer. You will receive a packet of floss. The price tag was a popular subject this week... Quote:
Thank you for you comments. You will receive two balls of glue. And again, the price was the subject of the next letter... Quote:
Thank you for your input. You get a table made of cheese. But the letters weren’t all full of praise. Quote:
I think you're a load of old Dwarf Droppings.
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I think that if you want facts, then The Downer Newspaper is probably the place to go. I know! I read it once. THE PHANTOM AND ALIEN: The Legend of the Golden Bus Ticket... |
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07-31-2006, 09:46 AM | #21 | |
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Wow!
Quote:
Oh, lest I forget. The latest adventures of The Phantom and Alien.
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I think that if you want facts, then The Downer Newspaper is probably the place to go. I know! I read it once. THE PHANTOM AND ALIEN: The Legend of the Golden Bus Ticket... Last edited by Hookbill the Goomba; 08-13-2006 at 11:09 AM. |
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08-01-2006, 09:59 PM | #22 | |||
Energetic Essence
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Entertainment Section 1
Interview with Survivor Hosts
By George Kidney The hit series Survivor has lately come to a stop. What happened to the All Star Survivor that was supposed to happen? I was able to catch up with all of the previous hosts (with the exception of Anguirel who seemed to be sick with something called the Mublewumps) to get their thoughts. Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
Will this final chapter in the Survivor series happen? Or will Glirdan's dream be a complete wash out? If you're interested in Moderating this All Star game, pleas let any of the previous moderators know and they'll set up an interview.
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I'm going to buy you a kitty, I'm going to let you fall in love with the kitty, and one cold, winter night, I'm going to steal into your house and punch you in the face! Fenris Wolf
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08-07-2006, 08:40 AM | #23 |
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As ELO once said... "Here is the News"
This week, things are slightly different...
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I think that if you want facts, then The Downer Newspaper is probably the place to go. I know! I read it once. THE PHANTOM AND ALIEN: The Legend of the Golden Bus Ticket... |
08-08-2006, 03:19 AM | #24 |
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The return of everyone's favourite comedy double act!
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I think that if you want facts, then The Downer Newspaper is probably the place to go. I know! I read it once. THE PHANTOM AND ALIEN: The Legend of the Golden Bus Ticket... |
08-10-2006, 06:27 AM | #25 |
Pilgrim Soul
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Davem looks like he has a role in "The Full Monty"
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“But Finrod walks with Finarfin his father beneath the trees in Eldamar.”
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08-23-2006, 01:00 PM | #26 |
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Once again, Central Russia's two hundredth favourite comedy duo...
Also... Local dentists swell. By Sid Marat It has come to the attention of the Downer that the sheer size of its local dentists is becoming a strain on the BHS (Barrow Health Service). Reinforced flooring as well as wider doors have already cost the Barrow Wight nigh on 14,000 Gold coins in the last few years. The BW told reports that "This" situation was "Not" going to go on "For" much longer and that "We" should not worry about it. Despite the BW's words, other moderators have expressed concern about the current situation, saying 'It won't be long now'. No one quite knows what they are referring to, but we are assured that it is good. Heavy colours in their food, which is provided by the local fish and chip shop, caused the swelling dentists. The novelty of eating blue chips has obviously had a rather bad effect. At the Barrow Wight's question time on Thursday evening, it is expected that many opposition MDs (Members of the Downs) will be heavily critical of the amount of funding being poured into the BHS and the very little that is coming out. The BW argues that the larger dentists mean less patients. All remains to be seen.
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I think that if you want facts, then The Downer Newspaper is probably the place to go. I know! I read it once. THE PHANTOM AND ALIEN: The Legend of the Golden Bus Ticket... |
08-24-2006, 06:27 PM | #27 | |
Energetic Essence
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Weekly Interview with Middle-Earth Idol Eviction: SpM
By Glirdan Tirithedain I was unable to get a word with the actual evictee. However, I was able to get the following statment from his agent, GT Greay and Associates: Quote:
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I'm going to buy you a kitty, I'm going to let you fall in love with the kitty, and one cold, winter night, I'm going to steal into your house and punch you in the face! Fenris Wolf
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08-30-2006, 03:00 AM | #28 | |
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Quote:
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I think that if you want facts, then The Downer Newspaper is probably the place to go. I know! I read it once. THE PHANTOM AND ALIEN: The Legend of the Golden Bus Ticket... |
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08-30-2006, 03:28 AM | #29 |
Shady She-Penguin
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Though really the text below should say "Spawn, Thinlómien and Rune" in that order to avoid confusion.
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Like the stars chase the sun, over the glowing hill I will conquer Blood is running deep, some things never sleep Double Fenris
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08-30-2006, 07:53 AM | #30 | |
Odinic Wanderer
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Quote:
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08-30-2006, 10:03 AM | #31 | |
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Quote:
If anyone else would like an article of their own on the front page, just P-M me with it and I'll see what I can do. Please note, I like to have a few weeks done in advance, so it may take a while for it to go up. (Rune wrote his about 4 weeks ago). Anyway… Here is a little puzzle for the Children… Help old Sauron find what he most truly desires in his heart…
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I think that if you want facts, then The Downer Newspaper is probably the place to go. I know! I read it once. THE PHANTOM AND ALIEN: The Legend of the Golden Bus Ticket... |
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09-04-2006, 02:11 AM | #32 |
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It's Down... Its news... Its Paper... it's the Downer Newspaper...
Sorry for double post...
Also, in the words of Oscar Wild: "There are three types of lies; Lies, Damn lies and made up Oscar Wild quotes." Without further ado... Sauron's one-hundredth favourite comedy duo...
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I think that if you want facts, then The Downer Newspaper is probably the place to go. I know! I read it once. THE PHANTOM AND ALIEN: The Legend of the Golden Bus Ticket... |
09-04-2006, 01:35 PM | #33 | |
A Mere Boggart
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Quote:
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Gordon's alive!
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09-08-2006, 03:43 AM | #34 |
Odinic Wanderer
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well Nilp, Denmark is not on the Scandinavian peninsula either. . . (not anymore anyway)
Denmark, Norway and Sweden are what is normaly considerd Scandinavian, but sometimes Finland, Iceland and the Faeroe Islands are included. |
09-08-2006, 06:52 AM | #35 |
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+ = DOOM!
Has anyone else noticed how suspiciously similar to Meneltarmacil's avatar Alien is? Maybe they know each other... let's find out...
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I think that if you want facts, then The Downer Newspaper is probably the place to go. I know! I read it once. THE PHANTOM AND ALIEN: The Legend of the Golden Bus Ticket... Last edited by Hookbill the Goomba; 09-08-2006 at 09:10 AM. |
09-08-2006, 08:17 AM | #36 |
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I had actually noticed that before. Nice!
(I wonder who's going to guest-star next...)
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09-10-2006, 05:12 PM | #37 | |
Energetic Essence
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Entertainment Portion
Recent Evictee of Middle-Earth Idol
By Glirdan Tirithedain I was able to catch up with Middl-Earth Idol's recent evictee, Celuien. Here's what she had to say. Originally Posted by Glirdan Well, here are you're questions for the interview. Quote:
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I'm going to buy you a kitty, I'm going to let you fall in love with the kitty, and one cold, winter night, I'm going to steal into your house and punch you in the face! Fenris Wolf
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09-11-2006, 03:24 AM | #38 |
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News? Are you sure? Yes, sir!
Please note: When I made this (about three weeks ago), I had no idea it would be going out on September 11th. So, there was no intention there. It is a pure co-incidence. I had a little crisis of conscience this morning, wondering weather to post this. I've decided to go ahead. Without further Ado, here is everyone’s 912th favourite comedy duo:
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I think that if you want facts, then The Downer Newspaper is probably the place to go. I know! I read it once. THE PHANTOM AND ALIEN: The Legend of the Golden Bus Ticket... |
10-01-2006, 12:56 PM | #39 |
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Thanks for bringing this to our attention, Goth-o.
The Downer wishes to reassure it's readers that these claims are as false as the stories in our Paper. Hope that clears things up for you all. Anyway... Culture Section: Films... The Best film you can expect to see this week is defiantly 'A Genuine Fairy Story' from the Director of such classics as; 'The Yule Log', 'Shadow of the West', and the controversial 'Power to the People'. Here the infamous Lalwende and the rest of the crew are caught up in a whirlwind of adventure and discovery. Wild fantasy mixed with in-depth intellectual debate. A great film all round. Plays: The only play making a stir at the moment is Mithalwen's Flying Circus. It had been called inappropriate due to the fact that several members of the audience have mysteriously disappeared under mysterious circumstances that have caused mystery to surround the mysterious play.
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I think that if you want facts, then The Downer Newspaper is probably the place to go. I know! I read it once. THE PHANTOM AND ALIEN: The Legend of the Golden Bus Ticket... |
10-01-2006, 01:38 PM | #40 |
A Mere Boggart
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Ha-wey! Glad to see me mad ruminations on Faerie have inspired some Art. I blame those pixies I let into the house. I get the feeling this is not a Blockbuster of the Bruce-Willis-In-Sweaty-Eyuw-Vest type, more of an Ingmar Bergman where when you've watched it you go "Eh?" and have to have a lie down for a bit.
Stop the press! Mithalwen's Flying Circus are in the process of making a new film which might stir up some controversy and attract X certificate ratings (and maybe even those little Red triangles you used to get on naughty Channel 4 films in the 80s, which were a good indicator of a quality watch to any home alone teenager). The new film will be The Life of Davem, featuring such funny and infinitely quotable lines as "He's not the messiah, he's a vewy naughty boy!" and the future hit song "Always Look On The Bright Side of Death". This will be followed up with another Hit Film with the working title "And Now For Something Not Entirely Different".
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Gordon's alive!
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