Everything I need to know I learned from LOTR

[Maeggaladiel]

I was thinking (Which in itself is a miracle) about LOTR (SUPRISE!!) and I began to wonder. I have learned so much from the LOTR movies (Haven't we all?) that I do not know what I will do now that ROTK has come and gone! Where will I learn life's important lessons? From my social life? Pah! I don't think so!

So I have decided to compile a list of things that I have learned from LOTR. Please feel free to add your own!

EVERYTHING I NEED TO KNOW IN LIFE I HAVE LEARNED FROM LOTR:
1) When in doubt, ask a moth.
2) When faced with a large, lumbering, uncontrolled beast, send in Legolas.
3) Having hairy feet isn't always a bad thing.
4) Remember, it is ALWAYS a conspiracy.
5) Funny as it may sound, yelling at a mountain will not stop an avalanche.
6) Just because you're dirty and slimey and greasy and you talk through your nose, it doesn't mean that you can't attract members of the opposite sex. Especially if you're going to be king someday.
7) Death isn't so bad. Chances are that you'll be back in the sequel.
8) Never worry about running out of arrows.
9) People never die in ordinary ways. It's always burning or being filled with arrows or falling off of cliffs. Or a pleasant combination of all three.
10) Just because you're in the book, it doesn't mean that you'll be in the film.
11) Any problem can be solved with some good old fashioned violence.
12) Contrary to popular belief, wargs are actually badgers, not wolves.
13) Sparse foliage is great for hiding from minions and spies. Their eyesight isn't that great.
14) NEVER let these words pass through your lips: "Is this all you can do, Sauron?"
15) Balrogs DO have wings... They just forget how to use them on a regular basis.
16) The large, mindless, lumbering beasts mentioned in #2 like to eat blue-eyed hobbits rather than fat dwarves or crunchy elves.
17) Who cares if Oliphaunts are supposed to have super-thick skin? Put a woman and a hobbit on a horse, and they can chop through their knees like a warm knife through butter!

I never would have gathered such pearls of wisdom without you, PJ!!!

MAEG!

[Amariden Ravenhill]

FOR ME, WHAT I LEARNED IS:

1) Never challenge the Eye of Sauron to a staring contest. You will not win. EVER.

2) Swords are good for you, especially if they glow or have runes.....

3) Pints are now your friend.

4) Do not attempt to 'borrow' Aragorn's sword, as it will bring down upon you the almighty and terrible Wrath of Aragorn.

5) When you've run out of men to use as soldiers, grab the kiddies.

6) Gollum impressions are not tolerated

Nemarie!

[tar-ancalime]

1. Never go into battle without your jewelry!

2. Throwing stones into water? Generally a bad idea.

3. Officers and commanders needn't wear helmets.

4. When your small army is faced by a host ten times its size, they will surround you, keeping a safe distance, and wait for something to happen.

5. It's never too late for elevenses.

[Lhundulinwen]

1. FRIENDS ARE IMPORTANT!! Take care of them, they'll take care of you. If they're jerks, give them one more chance. They might just save Merry and Pippin, or at least take a few arrows for them.
2.Don't judge a book by its size or movie.
3. Don't be afraid to use valuables in a pinch. They aren't worth anything if you don't use them.
4. Make nice with future Kings. Makes life much easier.
5. Food is important- take care of yourself, even in Mordor if possible.

[Miriel Undomiel]

1. Reading is FUN!
2. you have to be fast if you want to get your screen time. Arwen might take it.
3. If someone throws your ring into the lava pit in your 'garden', your 'house' will collapse.
4. When chopping wood, make sure the trees don't have any friends. They will attack you...

~*~Míriel~*~

[mark12_30]

-All you need is one climbing hobbit to mobilize two entire kingdoms.
-You can forgive a lot of plot-rearranging for first-rate cinematography.
-A dying Nazgul is fun to watch.
-Legolas can count too.
-Look, behind that banner! Elrond CAN smile.

[Sirithheruwen]

Originally Posted by Maeggaladiel

6) Just because you're dirty and slimey and greasy and you talk through your nose, it doesn't mean that you can't attract members of the opposite sex. Especially if you're going to be king someday.

*snort* That's a good one! Or how about this... If you have blue eyes, blond hair, pointy ears, and perfect aim, you are pretty much set for life.

10) Just because you're in the book, it doesn't mean that you'll be in the film.

That's too sad...

[Maeggaladiel]

These are great!

~If you tell Frodo NOT to do something, he'll do it as soon as you're back is turned. (EX- "Don't put on the ring!" "Don't look at the lights!" "Don't listen to Gollum!")

~Forget bodyguards; hire a gardener.

~If you're a woman and you dress in men's clothing, everyone will think you're male. A chesty, willowy, high-voiced male with big lips and mascara.

~However, if you're a male and you wear a dress, nobody thinks you're a woman; you're either an elf or a wizard. (Although with the elves, it's sometimes hard to tell...) Still, nobody sees anything wrong with that.

~If your "good" boss has an evil black tower, an evil black staff, an evil black stripe in his beard, evil long fingernails, evil shifty eyes, and an evil-sounding voice, chances are that he may actually be evil. Even though he's wearing white.

~Never underestimate the power of a moth.

That's all for now.
~Maeg

[Esgallhugwen]

ok I may have a few more...

-never say your safe because your still in the Shire, thats code for your fellow Hobbits to mow you down in a corn feild.
-Always carry a Hafling around. You never know when you'll need one
-Always keep handy an Elvish phile filled with liquid starlight to scare away nasty big spiders
-speaking of spiders, never ignore the fact that their webbing is extremely sticky (and could probably substitute for super glue)
-Keep anything flamable away from suicidal pyromaniacs or just pyromaniacs in general


mwahahahaha....theres more to come!

[Sapphire_Flame]

2. you have to be fast if you want to get your screen time. Arwen might take it.

*SNORK!!*

If you're ever in a fight with nine nazgul, don't worry. They will attack you one by one and the others will wander around looking threatening until it is their turn.

So true, so true.

~Although you spent the whole trip carrying that huge shield around, the ONE TIME you need it, you won't have it.

~Deforestation can be hazardous to your health and to your plans of world domination.

~When in trouble, call Legolas.

~When in doubt, blame Sauron.

~Evil minions can't swim very well.

Abedithon le,

~*~Aranel~*~

[Sirithheruwen]

Although you spent the whole trip carrying that huge shield around, the ONE TIME you need it, you won't have it.

Actually, I never noticed that before. That's strange, considering how many times I've seen it. Strange....

[Morai]

Deforestation can be hazardous to your health and to your plans of world domination.

Ouch...that sounds like something a treehugger would say around where I live. *Shudder*

Hmmm... That explains Aragorns hydrophobia...

Probably doesn't want to loose his pretty silver /emerald ring. (Kinda reminds me of a "class ring"

*Don't follow fashion trends, especially when they're started by a powerful sorcerer who has been associated with Morgroth.

*If you're disguised in ork armor and you are a hobbit, no one will notice. Well...except maybe the Eye....

*But of course he's being distracted by another army...right until someone puts on the Ring