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#1 |
Itinerant Songster
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: The Edge of Faerie
Posts: 7,066
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I just noticed in the Letters (#219) that Tolkien assigned Siamese cats to Mordor! ... maybe because of their disposition? I know that he assigned faceless bureaucracies to Mordor too.
I personally assign to Mordor people on the road who race 15 or more over the speed limit only to end up at the red light, waiting, because they haven't enough sense or patience or both to go the speed limit and catch the lights green, which are all timed to work out right. Oh, and tailgaters too. What do you assign to Mordor? And why? Last edited by littlemanpoet; 05-03-2005 at 10:29 AM. |
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#2 |
Maundering Mage
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Texas
Posts: 4,645
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I would like to assign the law school application process. It is the most evil and wicked system in the world. I have just finished hearing back from all the schools and it has been the worst process to go through.
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“I wish it need not have happened in my time," said Frodo. "So do I," said Gandalf, "and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.” |
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#3 |
Pile O'Bones
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I would assign Communists and really bad Lawers. Also people who are snotty and think they're more important that everyone.
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Who shall see a white ship leave the last shore, the pale phantoms in her cold bosom Like gulls wailing? ...Who shall see the last evening? |
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#4 |
Byronic Brand
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: The 1590s
Posts: 2,778
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Most Alsatians. Horrible, wolfy things...
All Jack Russells, without exception. Vodka. That really is orc-liquor... Dill. Foul, vile, evil, insidious herb...
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Among the friendly dead, being bad at games did not seem to matter -Il Lupo Fenriso |
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#5 |
World's Tallest Hobbit
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Where the view is long
Posts: 2,117
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Teachers who don't care. [rant]If you don't want to help kids learn, get a different job and stop wasting my time with busy work.[/rant] And impatient people who screw things up because they can't get instant gratification in everything.
Also old ice cream, over-salted popcorn, Nazis, blankets that are too short, and most vegetables.
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'They say that the One will himself enter into Arda, and heal Men and all the Marring from the beginning to the end." Last edited by Lindolirian; 05-03-2005 at 03:18 PM. |
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#6 |
Fluttering Enchantment
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All those crazy people who think Tolkien's work is.........boring.
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Comme une étoile amarante Comme un papillon de nuit C'est la lumière qui m'attire La flamme qui m'éblouit Fenris Muffin
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#7 |
Psyche of Prince Immortal
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I'll assign all the people that were mean to me in junior high...next week high school!
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Love doesn't blow up and get killed.
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#8 | |
Animated Skeleton
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Omg! Omg!
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HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAaaaaaaaaaaaha hhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahHHHhHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAA AAAAAAAhhhhhHHHHhHHAhHAaaAAAAAHAHAHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA AAAAAAAh! Oh my. ![]() |
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#9 |
Animated Skeleton
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Life is like a fistful of Russell Stovers...
After reading some of this thread (and counting) I have to say that one thing is certain- true Tolkien fans are some of the liveliest, ultra-witty and intelligent bipedal (and otherly ambulatory) humanoids in all of Middle Earth. It's no wonder when the overly self-congratulating find the Professors work to be uninteresting. They appear to lack the depth to appreciate the richness of his. Such amazing men as he are not only extremely rare, but are (very nearly) responsible for making this life worth all the trouble (how many parenthesis is one allowed per paragraph?).
So, having voiced that scathing and abrasive opinion (concerning out-worlders), I must second the sentiments concerning all dullards who think Tolkien's work is boring (at best) and annoying (in the least), and the "Legolasites", or however one might pronounce it (sounds like parasites), who are only in it for the killer cool contact lenses and the sick snow sledding shield. These, without a doubt, come from Mordor as surely as will my (someday) future mother-in-law. And to add my own personal bias- Anything that walks with more than four legs. |
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#10 | |||
Blossom of Dwimordene
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: The realm of forgotten words
Posts: 10,360
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Pssst - we put good stuff in this thread!
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You passed from under darkened dome, you enter now the secret land. - Take me to Finrod's fabled home!... ~ Finrod: The Rock Opera |
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#11 |
Dead Serious
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For reasons that should be obvious....
Rabid fans of the LotR who only got into it because of Legolas and the whole "it's in now" things. And only stayed fans as long as there was a new movie waiting to come out.
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I prefer history, true or feigned.
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#12 | |
Shade of Carn Dûm
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Ad finem itineris
Posts: 384
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Enyale cuilenya, ú-enyale mandenya. |
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#13 |
Itinerant Songster
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: The Edge of Faerie
Posts: 7,066
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What I assign to Mordor
Suburbia.
Square acres of parking lots surrounding malls. The new Walgreen's under construction in place of one of the last standing groves of trees (two acres!) on a busy street corner; I will never shop there. Forests and hills leveled for a golf course. Anything having to do with Paris Hilton (including this sentence) .... and her ilk. Business accounting such that "labor" is a "liability" (nimrods); in the Shire, labor is done by hobbits (and humans) for the good of the community. Now to turn all this into doggerel..... hmm....... ![]() |
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#14 |
Ghost Prince of Cardolan
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Where the Moon cries against the snow
Posts: 526
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Hm, what to send to Mordor, this will actually be easy.
Firstly my brother, who thinks the world revolves around him. The only thing that'll be revolving around him in Mordor are Orcs trying to decide which of his limbs to devour first. Seriously we don't get along well and he's rather mean to my mother. Centipedes and milipedes, mosquitos, horseflies, ticks, and anything that burrows itself under the skin. Tiny fluffly poodles, or any small dogs for that matter, that won't keep their yaps shut. Or any people that won't keep their yaps shut. People who glare or look at you as though you're the lowest thing on earth. What did I ever do to you? My brother's bird who wakes me up with her eardrum shattering screeching. It gets very bad sometimes to the point of bringing me to insanity. That's all I'll say for now, I'd like to give other people a chance. ![]()
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"...for the sin of the idolater is not that he worships stone, but that he worships one stone over others. -8:9:4 The Witness of Fane" |
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#15 |
Raffish Rapscallion
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Far from the 'Downs, it seems :-(
Posts: 2,835
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People who run their stop/yield sign and then glare at you like you should've stopped for them.
People who think they are the bomb because they have a Honda Civic...a 1990 Honda Civic. My parents reluctance to get me my long overdue driver's license. |
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#16 |
Corpus Cacophonous
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: A green and pleasant land
Posts: 8,390
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Well thanks folks. I have been assigned to Mordor no less than five times on this thread (three times by the phantom alone)! Oh, and the place where I live has been too (although the comparison with Mordor is probably fair).
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Do you mind? I'm busy doing the fishstick. It's a very delicate state of mind! |
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#17 |
Wight
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: On your grave, Dancing.
Posts: 101
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To Mordor I assign the person who invented those shoes which were loose around your ankles, yet tight upon your toes, so that I hurt to wear the blasted things. By Ilúvatar, does it feel good to take them off at the end of the day!
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#18 |
Itinerant Songster
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: The Edge of Faerie
Posts: 7,066
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Off puddle jumping
Terrorists have already been sent to Mordor, so I'll send the little worries that pick at the mind of whether I'll be safe in those double decker busses or in the underground of London. Anyway, I'll be back in three weeks. I'm off to England tomorrow. Have fun and keep making this thread a hoot to read. Even about snotty hankies!
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#19 |
Ghost Prince of Cardolan
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Practice job interviews - with your parents.
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I admit it is better fun to punt than be punted, and that a desire to have all the fun is nine-tenths of the law of chivalry.
Lord Peter Wimsey |
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#20 | |
Itinerant Songster
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: The Edge of Faerie
Posts: 7,066
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#21 | |
La Belle Dame sans Merci
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Therefore I assign the word "pianist". *snicker*
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peace
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#22 |
Ghost Prince of Cardolan
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: In a world grown ever smaller.
Posts: 678
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ha ha. i don't think you ever get to the point where you can say pianist with absolute stone-facedness. even when your ninety, there must be something that giggles in the back of you mind.
![]() ![]() anyway, i assign that period of time when it should be winter adn snowing, but its not. hurry up, for goodness sake!
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I've got bridge club on Wednesday,
Archery on Thursday, Dancing on a Friday night! |
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#23 |
Dead Serious
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On a similar topic, I assign to Mordor anybody who think that families of more than two children are "huge" and a "potential threat of overpopulation". In Canada, at least, the only reason the population is growing is immigrants. Having a family of seven is not going to overstrain the world's resources...
Furthermore, it's a lot cooler being the oldest of seven than being "the older of two". ~An oldest of seven, and proud of it~
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I prefer history, true or feigned.
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#24 | |||
Ghost Prince of Cardolan
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Lurking in the shadows.
Posts: 711
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-- To stay on topic, even though this has already been a busy irritation day for me: I should like to assign crossovers in fanfiction to Mordor. I wasn’t really aware of them before this day, seeing that I don’t spend a whole lot of time in fandoms, but I accidentally came across one today and was instantly horrified. I’m talking about a Harry Potter – Lord of the Rings crossover here, and by all accounts, these are not as rare as they should be. Authors of such an abomination must have a warped mind indeed. I shall not go into details about what I’ve read, but the Wormtail – Wormtongue jokes were among the better ones. After reading the story, I could not help my mind thinking of other frightful possibilities for crossovers… We might have an Alice in Wonderland version (in which Aragorn and his army of the dead unexpectedly tumble down a rabbit’s hole) or a Little Mermaid one (where the fellowship suddenly finds themselves accompanied by a red haired girl with a pretty voice, swimming up and down the Anduin) or a Lord of the Rings – Pokemon crossover (better not imagine the possible horrors that might entail). Anyway, this sacrilegious act should be abolished and never seen on the Internet again, before someone writes the extremely obvious Phantom of the Opera – Lord of the Rings songfic featuring Frodo and the Ring. Actually, it might be better to assign all forms of fanfiction to Mordor. But I am quite sure not everybody here would appreciate that so much. Quote:
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#25 | |
La Belle Dame sans Merci
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peace
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#26 | |
Shade of Carn Dûm
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Chozo Ruins.
Posts: 421
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I assign Immanuel Kant, because I have seen true beauty more than once.
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#27 |
Tears of the Phoenix
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Putting dimes in the jukebox baby.
Posts: 1,453
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German Midterms and all the declining of past/future/present verbs and adjective endings that are determined by gender among other things that tend to make the brain explode.
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I'm sorry it wasn't a unicorn. It would have been nice to have unicorns. |
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#28 |
Riveting Ribbiter
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Assigned to Mordor
Posts: 1,767
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Away to Mordor with door locks that break and leaved you locked in behind them!
Fortunately, I'm on the smaller side and this was one of those dressing room type doors with a fairly large space underneath, so I made my escape by slipping under the door. I also assign sliding across a floor that is probably disgustingly filthy. *shudders*
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People assume that time is a strict progression of cause to effect. But actually, from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint, it's more like a big ball of wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey... stuff. |
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#29 |
Shade of Carn Dûm
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Poor Celuien. I know how it feels. One time my section got locked out of our bunk in specialist training centre, boot camp. And to get add to the dilemma, it was the weekend bookout and the three tonner truck was waiting to take us to the ferry terminal. I was nominated by my section mates to go through another section's bunk, climb out their window and enter ours to unlock the door.
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"Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities. " ~Voltaire
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#30 |
La Belle Dame sans Merci
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I assign when the elevator doors shut, but not all the way, leaving you stuck inside an unmoving metal box that's suspended at least seventy feet above the bottom of the shaft. *shiver*
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peace
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#31 |
Itinerant Songster
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: The Edge of Faerie
Posts: 7,066
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I assign to Mordor, or consign to aitch ee double toothpicks, for that matter (it belongs there), the entire U.S. Health system, with all of its ridiculous health insurance red tape, especially when one has to switch coverages, switch doctors, make sure the old doctor and insurance coverer realizes what's going on even though you already told them, such that the new doctor will actually see you for your 3pm appointment.
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#32 |
A Mere Boggart
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: under the bed
Posts: 4,737
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The NHS isn't much easier, even though it's free and no insurance companies (who are not amongst my favourite things either) are involved. Try getting a dentist when you move to a new area...and woe betide you ever seek to change your doctor if you are unhappy with them.
I actually assign to Mordor Doctor's Receptionists as they're growing increasingly like little Hitlers these days. You ring up for an appointment and not only do they sigh and bark at you because they've had to actually pick up the phone but they make it as difficult as possible for you to get an appointment. "You can have one three weeks on Thursday. I don't care if you are dying." Then if you want one sooner they ask you what's up with you and get the 'ump when you refuse to tell them and quite rightly point out that they are not the Doctor and as such are not qualified to judge if you are 'sick enough' or not. This is only one of the receptionists. The rest are quite nice. But that felt good all the same. ![]()
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Gordon's alive!
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#33 | |
Shade of Carn Dûm
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Chozo Ruins.
Posts: 421
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I assign backstabbing friends.
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#34 |
Dead Serious
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My assignment follows the theme of doctors and government bureaucracy...
I assign the bureaucracy of the our government-subsidised CBC, which somehow decided that the last fifteen minutes of Ken Dryden's hockey jersey retirement ceremony ought to run on into Doctor Who's timeslot.
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I prefer history, true or feigned.
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#35 |
Everlasting Whiteness
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I assign finding out you have to fundraise to get £150, and having no ideas on what to do!
In fact, if anyone does have any ideas please PM me!
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“If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world.” |
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#36 |
Estelo dagnir, Melo ring
Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 3,063
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I assign "real world math."
Math beyond addition, subtraction, multiplication, and division are completely separate of the "real world" in my mind. When I look at a ladder leaning up against a house, I don't think of taking a derivative. My apologies. Give me two apples and two oranges and I can tell you how much fruit I have, but.... |
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#37 |
Wight
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Hominum que contente mundique huius et cupido
Posts: 181
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Getting sick in August! Of all times to get sick, none stop clouds, rain and the temperature hanging around 15 C. Be GONE, and trouble me no more! I assign you all to Mordor! BAH!!!
(Normally I like clouds and cool weather) ![]()
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War is not the answer, War is the question and the answer is yes Quis ut Deus |
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#38 |
Reflection of Darkness
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Polishing the stars. Well, somebody has to do it; they're looking a little bit dull.
Posts: 2,983
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I'm going to have to agree with those who assign hot and dry weather.
Right now, Idaho has the most acres burning in the entire United States (16 fires and 787,342 acres). Five counties have been declared in a state of emergency. Some areas are so smoky you can hardly see and I have even seem flames consuming the foothills with my own eyes. Any rain that does come only last for ten minutes. I miss the rain and would love to have the kind of rain you other guys are having...
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Nolite te bastardes carborundorum |
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#39 | |
Itinerant Songster
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: The Edge of Faerie
Posts: 7,066
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#40 |
Newly Deceased
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: In the Dreaming Land
Posts: 4
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Interesting
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