Beren and Lúthien - Changes needed

[Findegil]

This is the first draft of an expaned version ot the Story of Beren and Lúthien BL. Our basis text is: The History of Middle-Earth; volume 3; The Lay of Beleriand; chapter IV: The Lay of Leithian recomenced (LayR). This text is not given in full in HoME, thus it is here silently reconstructed from the old The Lay of Leithian (Lay). Only the numbering of the lines of the poem is that of the old poem when parts of that are used. Where the LayR breaks of the basis text used is that of The History of Middle-Earth; volume 11; The War of the Jewels; chapter IV: The Later Ouenta Silmarillion. This text is not given in full in HoME, thus it is here silently reconstructed from the text in Sil77. In the course of this additions from other sources made by Christopher Tolkien are taken up but marked as such by “editorial markers”.

We have 4 groups of changes:

BL-zz: General changes given and discussed in the list below. These changes are taken up here, but they are not indicated by "editorial markers"

BL-RG-zz: These changes are semi general. They are normaly foced by a change in the nomuclature but could within the poem not dealt with by simple replacment. The changed nomuclature is listed but not numbered with the general changes below.

BL-SL-zz: Changes done to make the storyline fit to the later sources. These editorial markers are also sometimes used when a change was not made that could or should be considered and discussed in view of the stroyline of a later text.

BL-EX-zz For expansions taken from some other source to make the story more detailed. This also includes some changes made in the expansion, which I marked for easier reference. Within the poem this is highly difficult and only in two places used. It becomes more common in the later narrative.

Some conventions of my writing:
Normal Text is from the basic text that is mentioned above (when I change the basic-Text it will be mentioned)
Bold Text = source information, comments and remarks
{example} = text that should be deleted
[example] = normalised text, normaly only used for general changes
<source example> = additions with source information
example = text inserted for grammatical or metrical reason
/example/ = outline expansion
Normally if an inserted text includes the beginning of a new § these is indicated by a missing “>” at the end of the § and a missing “<” at the beginning of the next.


General changes:
It is dificult to make genral changes in a poem. Thus really genral changes are very limited. But I will also list here changes that are regulary necessary even if solved in each place individuly, but these will not be numbered as generall changes. But each individual change will be numbered with a normal editing mark (BL-RG-zz). At the end of each such “regular changs” is given the list of numbers of thes editing markers that a concerned with this particular issue:

BL-01: Dairon to Daeron per Sil77

BL-02: Inglor to Finrod per LotR

Finrod to Finrafin per LotR; this change needs individual solutions since Finrafin has one syllable more then Finrod. (BL-RG-01, -13, -15, -18)

Thu and Gorthu to Sauron per LotR; this change is very difficult since Thu is often used in the rhyme. Tolkien replaced it in some cases by Gorthu but this is also not longer valid and its replacment Gorthaur does not work in the rhyming. Thus we have to find some individual solution for each line. (BL-RG-19, -20, -21, -22, -26, -27, -28, -29, -30, -31, -33, -34, -35, -36, -37, -39, -40, -41, -43, -45, -47)

BL-03: Elfinesse to Elvenesse per Tolkien's general change of Elfin to Elven from earlier to later writings.

BL-04: Gnome/Gnomes/Gnomish to Elf/Elves/Elvish or Noldo/Noldor/Noldorin. "Gnomes" was dropped by Tolkien in LR and later writings, often replaced by Noldor. It would be better artistically to retain the original variation Gnome/Gnomes and Noldo/Noldoli which can be best done by replacing Gnome/Gnomes by Elf/Elves except where a general reference to Elves would not fit, as in "the Gnomes were exiles at heart, haunted with a desire for their ancient home that faded not." Then use Noldor. Exiles would be the exact replacment in sense, but Elves does normaly fit much better in the meter and is much easier understand and is thus generally used in this text. But see BL-RG-03.

BL-04: Glorund to Glaurung per Wanderings of Húrin.

Tun to Tirion per Sil77 but this Tirion has 3 syllables while Tun has only one. Thus each line most be dealed with individually. Where the reference is clear I used Tun to Town. And when it is fitting Tun to Tuna can be used with the neccisity to remove only one other syllable not two. (BL-RG-02, -03, -06, -17)

Gods to Valar, West, Greats per Tolkiens later general avoiding Gods for the Valar; but the change is critical since Valar does not often fit the meter. In some cases I did change Gods to God where the meaning allows a reference to Iluvatar instad of one to the Valar. In the case of Morgoth speaking of his pears as gods I thought it might fit his denying of Iluvatars authority to refer to his pears as gods. (BL-RG-04, -05, -09, -11.5, -16, -23, -24, -25, -38, -42, -44, -46, -48)

Glingal to Laurelin per Sil77 but further changes are needed in the Line. (BL-RG-03, -07)

Belthil to Silpion per Sil77 but further changes are needed in the Line. (BL-RG-03, -08)

BL-05 Damrod to Amrod per Sil77

Diriel to Amras per Sil77 but here a additional syllable is needed for the meter. (BL-RG-10)

Cranthir to Caranthir per Sil77 but here one syllable most beremoved in addition. (BL-RG-11)

BL-06 Maidros and Maedhros to Maeðros per HoME X

BL-07 Egnor to Aegnor per Sil77

Umboth-Muilin to Aelin-uial per QS77 and UT, but we must add a further syllable in. (BL-RG-14)

BL-08 Celegorn to Celegorm per Sil77

BL-09 Taur-na-Fuin to Taur-nu-Fuin per Sil77

BL-10 Dor-na-Fauglith to Dor-nu-Fauglith per Sil77

BL-10 Lhandroval to Landroval per LotR

BL-11 Crisaegrim to Crissaegrim per Sil77

BL-12 Gyrth-I-Guinar to Dor Firn-i-Guinar per Sil77

Narn Beren ion Barahir
or
Narn e·Dinúviel

BL-EX-01 <LQS Among the tales of sorrow and ruin that come down to us from the darkness of those days there are yet some that are fair in memory, in which amid weeping there is a sound of music, and amid the tears joy, and under the shadow of death light that endureth. And of these histories most fair still in the ears of the Elves is the tale of Beren and Luthien; for it is sad and joyous, and touches upon mysteries, and it is not ended.
Of their lives was made the Lay of Leithian, Release from Bondage, which is the longest save one of the songs of the BL-EX-02{Noldor}[Númenor] concerning the world of old>.

The Lay of Leithian

Of Thingol in Doriath

A king there was in days of old:
ere Men yet walked upon the mould
…

BL-EX-01: I liked to hav an intorduction for the tale and the beginning of the chapter in LQS fits very well.

BL-EX-02: This change was already made by Tolkien him self in the LQS2. It is based on the changed trading of the tales of the first age wich we did take up.

…
There many weary with marching slept,
but captains, sprawling on the grass,
drank and from hand to hand let pass
their booty, grudging each small thing 445
raped from dead bodies. BL-SL-01 One a ring
held up, and laughed: 'Now, mates,' he cried
'here's mine! And I'll not be denied,
though few be like it in the land.
For I 'twas wrenched it from the hand 450
of that same Barahir I slew,
the robber-knave. If tales be true,
he had it of some elvish lord,
for the rogue-service of his sword.
No help it gave to him - he's dead. 455
They're parlous, elvish rings, 'tis said;
still for the gold I'll keep it, yea
and so eke out my niggard pay.
Old Sauron bade me bring it back,
and yet, methinks, he has no lack 460
of weightier treasures in his hoard:
the greater the greedier the lord!
So mark ye, mates, ye all shall swear
the hand of Barahir was bare!'
And as he spoke an arrow sped 465
from tree behind, and forward dead
choking he fell with barb in throat;
with leering face the earth he smote.
Forth, then as wolfhound grim there leapt
Beren among them. Two he swept 470
aside with sword; caught up the ring;
slew one who grasped him; with a spring
back into shadow passed, and fled
before their yells of wrath and dread
of ambush in the valley rang.
…

BL-SL-01: This one of the cases were I did not take up the new storylin of Sil77. There the Orcs did ceary away not the Ring but the entire habd of Barahir with the Ring on it. There is also no hint of the betrayal that the captian planed in keeping the Ring for himself. But I could not find a easy way to work that into the poem. Since the recommeced poem and the text of LQS1 are nearly contemporary I am not sure if we could not consider this detail as left out for compression. But I am open for suggsetions in this point.

…
Southward he turned, and south away
his long and lonely journey lay,
while ever loomed before his path
the dreadful peaks of Gorgorath.
Never had foot of man most bold 575
yet trod those mountains steep and cold,
nor climbed upon their sudden brink,
whence, sickened, eyes must turn and, shrink
to see their southward cliffs fall sheer
in rocky pinnacle and pier 580
down into shadows that were laid
before the sun and moon were made.
In valleys woven with deceit
and washed with waters bitter-sweet
dark magic lurked in gulf and glen; 585
but out away beyond the ken
of mortal sight the eagle's eye
from dizzy towers that pierced the sky
might grey and gleaming see afar,
as sheen on water under star, 590
Beleriand, Beleriand,
the borders of the Elven-land.

BL-EX-03<Lay; old Version BL-EX-04Then {all his}[on this] journey{'s lonely}[he did] fare,
BL-EX-05{the}[of] hunger and {the}[of] haggard care,
the awful mountains' stones he stained {565}
with blood of weary feet, and gained
only a land of ghosts, and fear
in dark ravines imprisoned sheer -
there mighty spiders wove their webs,
old creatures foul with birdlike nebs {570}
that span their traps in dizzy air,
and filled it with clinging black despair,
and there they lived, and the sucked bones
lay white beneath on the dank stones -
now all these horrors like a cloud {575}
BL-EX-06{faded from mind}[he did there find]. The waters loud
falling from pineclad heights no more
he heard, those waters grey and frore
that bittersweet he drank and filled
his mind with madness - all was stilled. {580}
He recked not BL-EX-07{now}[for] the burning road,
the paths demented where he strode
endlessly ... and ever new
horizons stretched before his view,
as each blue ridge with bleeding feet {585}
was climbed, and down he went to meet
battle with creatures old and strong
and monsters in the dark, and long,
long watches in the haunted night
while evil shapes with baleful light {590}
in clustered eyes did crawl and snuff
beneath his tree - not half enough
the price he deemed to come at last
to that pale moon when day had passed,
to those clear stars of {Elfinesse}[Elvenesse], {595}
the hearts-ease and the loveliness.>

BL-EX-03: Here I added the discription of Berens journey through the Ered Gorgorath. Tolkien did not used it the recomenced version and a point can be made that we should therfore leave it out. But I think it was scipt because it was retrospectiv and thus broke the naritive therefore I moved it this place.

BL-EX-04 to BL-EX-07: All these changes are done to get rid of the retrospectiv charachter of the pice added.

…
No evil in their realm is seen;
no power their might can yet surpass:
there still is laughter and green grass, [20]
there leaves are lit by the white sun,
and many marvels are begun. 705

BL-EX-08<Lay; old Version Beren's meeting with Lúthien>

There went now in the Guarded Realm
beneath the beech, beneath the elm,
there lightfoot ran now on the green [25]
the daughter of the king and queen:
of Arda's eldest children born 710
in beauty of their elven-morn
and only child ordained by birth
to walk in raiment of the Earth [30]
from Those descended who began
before the world of Elf and Man. 715

BL-EX-08: I added the canton-headline of the old poem here as a subheading to have a smoother going over from the many subheadings of the recommeced Lay to the old Lay where we have no subheadings at all.

…
Proud are the words, and all there turned
to see the jewels green that burned
in Beren's ring. These {Gnomes}[Elves] had set
as eyes of serpents twined that met
beneath a golden crown of flowers, (1100)
that one upholds and one devours:
the badge BL-RG-01{that Finrod}[Finrafin] made of yore
and Felagund his son now bore.
His anger was chilled, but little less,
and dark thoughts Thingol did possess, (1105)
though Melian the pale leant to his side
and whispered: 'O king, forgo thy pride!
Such is my counsel. Not by thee
shall Beren be slain, for far and free
from these deep halls his fate doth lead, (1110)
yet wound with thine. O king, take heed!’
…

BL-RG-01: Finrod must be replaced and I think the “that” can be deleated to get the right number of syllabls in the line.

Then Thingol's warriors loud and long
they laughed; for wide renown in song
had Fëanor's gems o'er land and sea,
the peerless Silmarils; and three (1135)
alone he made and kindled slow
in the land of the Valar long ago,
BL-RG-02{and there} in {Tun}[Tirion] of their own light
they shone like marvellous stars at night,
BL-RG-03{in the great Gnomish hoards of Tun, (1140)
while Glingal flowered and Belthil's bloom
yet lit the land beyond the shore
where the Shadowy Seas' last surges roar,
ere Morgoth stole them and the Gnomes
seeking their glory left their homes,} (1145)
ere sorrows fell on Elves and Men,
ere Beren was or Lúthien,
ere Fëanor's sons in madness swore
their dreadful oath. But now no more
their beauty was seen, save shining clear (1150)
in Morgoth's dungeons vast and drear.
…

BL-RG-02: If Tirion is used 2 syllabls most go. “and there” seems to be the right choice.

BL-RG-03: In this couple of lines are a lot of names that we must change. To delet the complet couple seemed much easier to me. And I don’t think it breaks the narative.

…
Yet long the hours when she must sit
and see the sunbeams dance and flit
in beechen leaves, or watch the stars (1410)
peep on clear nights between the bars
of beechen branches. And one night
just ere the changing of the light
a dream there came, from the BL-RG-04{Gods}[West], maybe,
or Melian's magic. She dreamed that she (1415)
heard Beren's voice o'er hill and fell
'Tinúviel' call, 'Tinúviel.'
And her heart answered: 'Let me be gone
to seek him no others think upon!'

BL-RG-04: West seems a good replacment here for the unusable Gods.

…
and freedom. And all names of things
tallest and longest on earth she sings:
the locks of the Longbeard dwarves; the tail
of Draugluin the werewolf pale;
the body of {Glomund}[Glaurung] the great snake; (1490)
the vast upsoaring peaks that quake
above the fires in Angband's gloom;
the chain Angainor that ere Doom
for Morgoth shall by BL-RG-05{Gods}[force] be BL-SL-02{wrought}[brought]
{of}[with] steel and torment. Names she sought, (1495)
and sang of Glend the sword of Nan;
of Gilim the giant of Eruman;
and last and longest named she then
the endless hair of Uinen,
the Lady of the Sea, that lies (1500)
through all the waters under skies.

BL-RG-05 & BL-SL-02: Here I combined two issues. Gods mut be removed and the chain Angainor was much earlier wrought. Thus I let the chain be brought by force.

Beren in Nargothrond

When Morgoth in that day of doom
had slain the Trees and filled with gloom (1585)
the shining land of Valinor,
there Fëanor and his sons then swore
the mighty oath upon the hill
of tower-crowned BL-RG-06{Tun}[town], that still
wrought wars and sorrow in the world. (1590)
From darkling seas the fogs unfurled
their blinding shadows grey and cold
where BL-RG-07{Glingal once }[Laurelin] had bloomed with gold ,
BL-RG-08{and Belthil}[Silpion] bore its silver flowers.
The mists were mantled round the towers (1595)
of the Elves' white city by the sea.
There countless torches fitfully
did start and twinkle, as the {Gnomes}[Elves]
were gathered to their fading homes,
and thronged the long and winding stair (1600)
that led to the wide echoing square.
…

BL-RG-06: An alternative line cold be:
“{of} tower-crowned {Tun}[Tuna], that still”

BL-RG-07: Once is a fill-word and I think we can skip it.

BL-RG-08: To replace the and with “,” is not very nice, but the best I could find.

…
Timbrenting's holy height they name,
whereon are built the timeless halls
of Manwe Lord of BL-RG-09[Gods]{Arda}. Who calls (1625)
these names in witness may not break
his oath, though earth and heaven shake.

Curufin, Celegorm the fair,
BL-RG-10{Damrod and Diriel}[young Amrod and Amras] were there,
BL-RG-11{and Cranthir}[Caranthir] dark, and {Maidros}[Maeðros] tall (1630)
(whom after torment should befall),
and Maglor the mighty who like the sea
with deep voice sings yet mournfully.
'Be he friend or foe, or seed defiled
of Morgoth Bauglir, or mortal child (1635)
that in after days on earth shall dwell,
no law, nor love, nor league of hell,
not might of BL-RG-11.5God{s}, not moveless fate
shall him defend from wrath and hate
of Fëanor's sons, who takes or steals (1640)
or finding keeps the Silmarils,
the thrice-enchanted globes of light
that shine until the final night.'

BL-RG-09: Manwe as Lord of Arda fits the later context beter than Lord of Gods.

BL-RG-10: “Damrod and Diriel“ have on sylabble more than Amord and Amras thus I added “young“ since they are the youngest brethern.

BL-RG-11: The „and most go to give us space for Caranthir.

BL-RG-11.5: May be this is going to fare, but it was the easiest solution I did find.

…
The song of Fingon Elves yet sing,
captain of armies, {Gnomish}[Elvish] king, (1655)
who fell at last in flame of swords
with his white banners and his lords.
They sing how {Maidros}[Maeðros] free he set,
and stayed the feud that slumbered yet
BL-RG-12{between the children proud of Finn}[‘twix Fëanor and Fingolfin]. (1660)
Now joined once more they hemmed him in,
even great Morgoth, and their host
beleaguered Angband, till they boast
no Orc nor demon ever dare
their leaguer break or past them fare. (1665)
…

BL-RG-12: Finn is no longer valid but Finwe does not rhym on “him in”. His children hav so many syllables that I culd find no better line.

…
Then Barahir the bold did aid
with mighty spear, with shield and men, (1690)
Felagund wounded. To the fen
escaping, there they bound their troth,
and Felagund deeply swore an oath
of friendship to his kin and seed,
of love and succour in time of need. (1695)
BL-RG-13{But there}There of {Finrod}[Finrafin]'s children four
were Angrod slain and proud {Egnor}[Aegnor].
Felagund and Orodreth then
gathered the remnant of their men,
their maidens and their children fair; (1700)
forsaking war they made their lair
and cavernous hold far in the south.
…

BL-RG-13: I think the “but” as not a great loss here.

…
Now Beren came unto the pools,
wide shallow meres where Sirion cools
his gathered tide beneath the stars,
ere chafed and sundered by the bars (1725)
of reedy banks a mighty fen
he feeds and drenches, plunging then
into vast chasms underground,
where many miles his way is wound.
BL-RG-14{Umboth-Muilin,}[Aelin-uial, the] Twilight Meres, (1730)
those great wide waters grey as tears
the Elves then named. Through driving rain
from thence across the Guarded Plain
the Hills of the Hunters Beren saw
with bare tops bitten bleak and raw (1735)
by western winds; but in the mist
of streaming rains that flashed and hissed
into the meres he knew there lay
beneath those hills the cloven way
of Narog, and the watchful halls (1740)
of Felagund beside the falls
of Ingwil tumbling from the wold.
…

BL-RG-14: I added the artcle to get the right number of syllabls.

…
Lo! Celegorm and Curufin
here dwell this very realm within, (1825)
BL-RG-15 and even though I, {Finrod}[Finrafin]'s son,
am king, a mighty power here have won
and many of their own folk lead.
…

BL-RG-15: Is my counting at a miss or did Tolkien leave out a syllable in lines 1825 and 1827?


Friendship to me in every need
they yet have shown, but much I fear (1830)
that to Beren son of Barahir
mercy or love they will not show
if once thy dreadful quest they know.'

True words he spake. For when the king
to all his people told this thing, (1835)
and spake of the oath to Barahir,
and how that mortal shield and spear
had saved them from Morgoth and from woe
on Northern battlefields long ago,
then many were kindled in their hearts (1840)
once more to battle. But up there starts
amid the throng, and loudly cries
for hearing, one with flaming eyes,
proud Celegorm with gleaming hair
and shining sword. Then all men stare (1845)
upon his stern unyielding face,
and a great hush falls upon that place.

'Be he friend or foe, or demon wild
of Morgoth, Elf, or mortal child,
or any that here on earth may dwell, (1850)
no law, nor love, nor league of hell,
no might of BL-RG-16God{s}, no binding spell,
shall him defend from hatred fell
of Fëanor's sons, whoso take or steal
or finding keep a Silmaril. (1855)
These we alone do claim by right,
our thrice enchanted jewels bright.'

Many wild and potent words he spoke,
and as before BL-RG-17{in Tun awoke}[on Tuna woke]
his father's voice their hearts to fire, (1860)
so now dark fear and brooding ire
he cast on them, foreboding war
of friend with friend; and pools of gore
their minds imagined lying red
in Nargothrond about the dead, (1865)
did Narog's host with Beren go;
or haply battle, ruin, and woe
in Doriath where great Thingol reigned,
if Fëanor's fatal jewel he gained.
…

BL-RG-16: This must go conform with BL-RG-11.5 above.

BL-RG-17: Here I changed the city to the hill (simply moving the ”a“ from the verb). Please do not hesitate to reject this, if you find it hard to understand where the reference now lead to.

So would they not that angry day
King Felagund their lord obey, (1895)
but sullen murmured that Finrod
nor yet his BL-SL-03{son}[kin] were as a god.
Then Felagund took off his crown
and at his feet he cast it down,
the silver helm of Nargothrond: (1900)
'Yours ye may break, but I my bond
must keep, and kingdom here forsake.
If hearts here were that did not quake,
BL-RG-18{or }that to {Finrod}[Finrafin]'s son were true,
then I at least should find a few (1905)
to go with me, not like a poor
rejected beggar scorn endure,
turned from my gates to leave my town,
my people, and my realm and crown!'

Hearing these words there swiftly stood (1910)
beside him ten tried warriors good,
men of his house who had ever fought
wherever his banners had been brought.
BL-EX-09{One stooped and }[Edrahil] lifted up his crown,
and said: 'O king, to leave this town (1915)
is now our fate, but not to lose
thy rightful lordship. Thou shalt choose
one to be steward in thy stead.'
Then Felagund upon the head
of Orodreth set it: 'BL-SL-04{Brother}[Neff of] mine, (1920)
till I return this crown is thine.'
Then Celegorm no more would stay,
and Curufin smiled and turned away.
BL-EX-10<GA But to them Felagund did tell:
'{But this }I {will }say to{ you, Celegorn}[Celegorm] the fell,
by {the }sight that is me given {me}to
in this dark hour, that neither thou
nor any other son of Fëanor
shall regain from now to ever more
the Silmarils{ ever unto world's end}. And so this that
we{ now} seek shall come indeed, your grab
it ever will aloud {but never to your hands}. {Nay, your}Your oath {shall}will
devour you, {and deliver} to other keeping fill
the bride-price of fair Lúthien.'>

BL-SL-03: Here I circumvented a change from Finrod to Finrafin. But if someone coud find a beter solution I would be hapier with it, since we could then try to remove “god” as well.

BL-RG-18: I hope the sense will be understood without that “or“.

BL-EX-09: I wanted to include the name Edrahil and the line is the best solution I could find.

BL-SL-04: Orodreth is no longer Felagunds brother so I changed his status.

BL-EX-10: This is clearly the most difficult of the changes I did. I wanted the answer of Fleagund to the brethern included, but it is not urgend enough to break the poem with this prose fragment. (In the case of the prose fragments introduced into the Lay of Childern of Húrin it is quiet diffrent since there we only took up fragments from the Lay, but here it is as far as it goes the basic text.) I am sure that my lines can be bettered very much in a group efford, the question is thus do take that liberty and reform a prose fragment into a poem?

Now in that hill was the abode
of one most evil; and the road
that from Beleriand thither came
he watched with sleepless eyes of flame. (2055)
(From the North there led no other way,
save east where the Gorge of Aglon lay,
and that dark path of hurrying dread
which only in need the Orcs would tread
through Deadly Nightshade's awful gloom (2060)
where {Taur-na-Fuin}[Taur-nu-Fuin]'s branches loom;
and Aglon led to Doriath,
and Fëanor's sons watched o'er that path.)

{Gnomes}[Elves] called him BL-RG-19{Gorthu}[Sauron], as a god
in after days beneath his rod (2065)
bewildered Men bowed to him, and made
his ghastly temples in the shade.
Not yet by Men enthralled adored,
now was he Morgoth's mightiest lord,
Master of Wolves, whose shivering howl (2070)
for ever echoed in the hills, and foul
enchantments and dark sigaldry
did weave and wield. In glamoury
…

BL-RG-19: Here is the first and easy case of Gorthu -> Sauron. It will become harder.

'Go! fetch me those sneaking Orcs,' he said,
'that fare thus strangely, as if in dread, (2085)
and do not come, as all Orcs use
and are commanded, to bring me newsBL-RG-20{
of all their deeds, to me, to Gorthu}.'

{From his tower he gazed, and}[And] in him grew{
suspicion and} a brooding thought, (2090)
waiting, leering, till they were brought.
…

BL-RG-20: Since Gorthu is in the rhym I could find no beter solution than skiping the couple.

'Wrath and Hate and warriors ten,
so we are called, and dark our den
under the mountains. Over the waste
we march on an errand of need and haste.
Boldog the captain awaits us there (2125)
where fires from under smoke and flare.'

'Boldog, I heard, was lately slain[
strange ye were not in Boldog's train.
Thirty are slain by twelve you claim,]
warring on the borders of that domain
where Robber Thingol and outlaw folk
cringe and crawl beneath elm and oak (2130)
in drear Doriath. Heard ye not then
of that pretty fay, of Lúthien?
Her body is fair, very white and fair.
Morgoth would possess her in his lair.
BL-SL-05{Boldog he sent, but Boldog was slain: (2135)
strange ye were not in Boldog's train.}
Fierce is your chief, his frown is grim.
Little Lúthien! What troubles him?
Why laughs he not to think of his lord
crushing a maiden in his hoard, (2140)
that foul should be what once was clean,
that dark should be where light has been?

BL-SL-05: Boldog could still be an Orc-captian slain recently on the broderfights with Doriath. From the later time of Túrin one gets the impression that at Dimbar the forces of Doritah did fight al the time since ths Fall of Dorthonion and Tol Sirion. Thus I only skiped the reference to Boldogs special mission to fetch Lúthien for Morogth, which was clearly removed.

But no true Man nor Elf yet free
Would ever speak that blasphemy, (2160)
And Beren muttered: 'BL-RG-21{Doth Gorthu}[Who are thou]
{now}[to] hinder work that is to do?
Him we serve not, nor to him owe
obeisance, and we now would go.'[/Qoute] BL-RG-21: This is in part a going back to the old version of the Lay were the lines read:
“And Beren muttered: 'Who is Thu
to hinder work that is to do?”
The following lines may build a problem since we removed the object for “him”.

[Qoute]Yet not all unavailing were (2215)
BL-RG-22the spells{ of Felagund; Gorthu}[; for thus Sauron did now]
neither their names nor purpose {knew}[know].
These much he pondered and bethought,
and in their woeful chains them sought,
and threatened all with dreadful death, (2220)
if one would not with traitor's breath
…

BL-RG-22: We need to name Sauron here since otherwise the rest of the § becomes obscure. The solution shown is the best I could find, but it is not good.

Lúthien in Nargothrond

Hounds there were in Valinor
with silver collars. Hart and boar,
the fox and hare and nimble roe (2240)
there in the forests green did go.
Orome was the lord divine
of all those woods. The potent wine
went in his halls and hunting song.
The Gnomes anew have named him long (2245)
Tavros, the BL-RG-23{God}[Great] whose horns did blow
over the mountains long ago;
who alone of BL-RG-24{Gods had}[Valar] loved the world
before the banners were unfurled
of Moon and Sun; and shod with gold (2250)
were his great horses. Hounds untold
baying in woods beyond the West
of race immortal he possessed:

BL-RG-23: It might be that “Greats” is to obscure here, so I would be happ if someone could find a better solution.

BL-RG-24: I think it is possible here to skip “had” to get space for “Valar”. But the sentence still reads strange.

In Tavros' friths and pastures green
had Huan once a young whelp been. (2265)
He grew the swiftest of the swift,
and Orome gave him as a gift
to Celegorm, who loved to follow
the BL-RG-25{great God}[Hunter]'s horn o'er hill and hollow.
Alone of hounds of the Land of Light, (2270)
when sons of Fëanor took to flight
and came into the North, he stayed
beside his master. Every raid
…

BL-RG-25: I am not even sure if Ororme is still one of the “great Gods” but any way “Hunter” seems a fitting discription for him.

he knew. But wolves, he loved them best;
he loved to find their throats and wrest (2285)
their snarling lives and evil breath.
BL-RG-26[Sauron’s]{The} packs {of Thu}[thus] him feared as Death.
No wizardry, nor spell, nor dart,
no fang, nor venom devil's art
could brew had harmed him; for his weird (2290)
was woven. Yet he little feared
…

BL-RG-26: The changed order provides a syllable less thus I added the “thus”.

…have loosed their dogs? With merry din
they mounted ere the sun arose,
and took their spears and took their bows. (2305)
BL-RG-27 [Sauron’s great]{The} wolves {of Thu} of late have dared
both far and wide. Their eyes have glared
by night across the roaring stream
of Narog. Doth their master dream,
…

BL-RG-27: The changed order provides a syllable less and here I added the adjetive “great”.

Three days they ride by holt and hill
BL-RG-28 [Sauron’s great]{the} wolves {of Thu} to hunt and kill,
and many a head and fell of grey
they take, and many drive away, (2345)
till nigh to the borders in the West
of Doriath a while they rest.

BL-RG-28: The changed order provides a syllable less and here I added again the adjetive “great” as in BL-RG-27.

To Celegorm said Curufin
apart and low: 'Now news we win
of Felagund, and now we know (2450)
BL-RG-29 {wherefore Thu's}[why Sauron’s] creatures prowling go',
and other whispered counsels spake,
and showed him what answer he should make.
…

BL-RG-29: I replaced “wherfore” by “why” to get the space for Sauron.

It was not hid in Nargothrond
that Fëanor's sons her held in bond,
who Beren heeded not, and who
had little cause to wrest from BL-RG-30 {Thu}[woe] (2495)
the king they loved not and whose quest
old vows of hatred in their breast
had roused from sleep. Orodreth knew
…

BL-RG-30: “who” “woe” does not rhym very well. I would be happy to see a better idea.

'A! Beren, Beren hast not learned
that promises of Morgoth's folk
are frail as breath. From this dark yoke
of pain shall neither ever go,
whether he learn our names or no, (2585)
with BL-RG-31 {Thu’s}[his] consent. Nay more, I think
yet deeper of torment we should drink,
knew he that son of Barahir
and Felagund were captive here,
and even worse if he should know (2590)
the dreadful errand we did go.'

BL-RG-31: The refrence is here changed from Sauron to Morgoth, but I think that can be done without much harm.

BL-RG-32 {Thu}[Sauron] heard that voice, {and }sudden stood
wrapped in his cloak and sable hood
in his high tower. He listened long,
and smiled, and knew that elvish song.
…

BL-RG-32: Can we live without that “and”?

…
A mightier shadow slowly filled
the narrow bridge, a slavering hate, (2710)
an awful werewolf fierce and great:
pale Draugluin, the old grey lord
of wolves and beasts of blood abhorred,
that fed on flesh of Man and Elf
beneath the chair of BL-RG-33 {Thu himself}[Sauron self]. (2715)
No more in silence did they fight.
Howling and baying smote the night,
till back by the chair where he had fed
to die the werewolf yammering fled.
'Huan is there' he gasped and died, (2720)
BL-RG-34 {and Thu}[Sauron] was filled with wrath and pride.
'Before the mightiest he shall fall,
before the mightiest wolf of all',
so thought he now, and thought he knew
how fate long spoken should come true. (2725)

Now there came slowly forth and glared
into the night a shape long-haired,
dank with poison, with awful eyes
wolvish, ravenous; but there lies
a light therein more cruel and dread (2730)
than ever wolvish eyes had fed.
More huge were its limbs, its jaws more wide,
its fangs more gleaming-sharp, and dyed
with venom, torment, and with death.
The deadly vapour of its breath (2735)
swept on before it. Swooning dies
the song of Lúthien, and her eyes
are dimmed and darkened with a fear,
cold and poisonous and drear.

BL-RG-35 [Sauron]{Thus} came{ Thu}, as wolf more great (2740)
than e'er was seen from Angband's gate
to the burning south, than ever lurked
in mortal lands or murder worked.
Sudden he sprang, and Huan leaped
aside in shadow. On he swept (2745)
to Lúthien lying swooning faint.
To her drowning senses came the taint
of his foul breathing, and she stirred;
dizzily she spake a whispered word,
her mantle brushed across his face. (2750)
He stumbled staggering in his pace.
Out leaped Huan. Back he sprang.
Beneath the stars there shuddering rang
the cry of hunting wolves at bay,
the tongue of hounds that fearless slay. (2755)
Backward and forth they leaped and ran
feinting to flee, and round they span,
and bit and grappled, and fell and rose.
Then suddenly Huan holds and throws
his ghastly foe; his throat he rends, (2760)
choking his life. Not so it ends.
From shape to shape, from wolf to worm,
from monster to his own demon form,
BL-RG-36 {Thu}[he] changes, but that desperate grip
he cannot shake, nor from it slip. (2765)
No wizardry, nor spell, nor dart,
no fang, nor venom, nor devil's art
could harm that hound that hart and boar
had hunted once in Valinor.

BL-RG-33: I am not sure if this is good, but therefore we make this as group.

BL-RG-34: Here we can go without the “and”.

BL-RG-35: Is this going without the “thus”? I think it is.

BL-RG-36: It is long since Suaron was named, but from the fight it seemed clear to me to whom the reference is.

A vampire shape with pinions vast
screeching leaped from the ground, and passed,
its dark blood dripping on the trees;
and Huan neath him lifeless sees
a wolvish corpse – BL-RG-37 {for Thu}[Sauron] had flown (2820)
to {Taur-na-Fuin}[Taur-nu-Fuin], a new throne
and darker stronghold there to build.
…

BL-RG-37: It will go here without the “for”.
But some other interesiting question: since he left behind the “wolvish corpse” had Sauron given up for a moment his incarnation just to build himself a new body at once? If that’s true then why didn’t he do that before he gave Lúthien the “password”?

[quote]The shadows fell from mountains grim.
Then sprang about the darkened North (3130)
the Sickle of the BL-RG-38 {Gods}[North], and forth
each star there stared in stony night
radiant, glistering cold and white.
…[quote] BL-RG-34: A bit to much North in this lines but I could not find any better solution.

…
'Good steed of master ill,' he said,
'farewell now here! Lift up thy head,
and get thee gone to Sirion's vale,
back as we came, past island pale
where BL-RG-39 {Thu once}[Sauron] reigned, to waters sweet (3290)
and grasses long about thy feet.
And if Curufin no more thou find,
grieve not! but free with hart and hind
…

BL-RG-39: The “once” is nice but it must go.

Thus back to him came Lúthien:
they met beyond the ways of Men;
upon the brink of terror stood
between the desert and the wood. (3365)

BL-SL-06 He looked on her, her lifted face
beneath his lips in sweet embrace:
'Thrice now mine oath I curse,' he said,
'that under shadow thee hath led!
But where is Huan, where the hound (3370)
to whom I trusted, whom I bound
by love of thee to keep thee well
from deadly wandering unto hell?'

'I know not! But good Huan's heart
is wiser, kinder than thou art, (3375)
grim lord, more open unto prayer!
Yet long and long I pleaded there,
until he brought me, as I would,
upon thy trail - a palfrey good
would Huan make, of flowing pace: (3380)
thou wouldst have laughed to see us race,
as Orc on werewolf ride like fire
night after night through fen and mire,
through waste and wood! But when I heard
thy singing clear - (yea, every word (3385)
of Lúthien one rashly cried,
and listening evil fierce defied) -,
he set me down, and sped away;
but what he would I cannot say.'

Ere long they knew, for Huan came, (3390)
his great breath panting, eyes like flame,
in fear lest her whom he forsook
to aid some hunting evil took
ere he was nigh. Now there he laid
before their feet, as dark as shade, (3395)
two grisly shapes that he had won
from that tall isle in Sirion:
a wolfhame huge - its savage fell
was long and matted, dark the spell
that drenched the dreadful coat and skin, (3400)
the werewolf cloak of Draugluin;
the other was a batlike garb
with mighty fingered wings, a barb
like iron nail at each joint's end -
such wings as their dark cloud extend (3405)
against the moon, when in the sky
from Deadly Nightshade screeching fly
BL-RG-40 {Thu's messengers}[Sauron’s herald].

What hast thou brought,
good Huan? What thy hidden thought?
Of trophy of prowess and strong deed, (3410)
when BL-RG-41 {Thu thou}[Sauron] {vanquishedst}[vanquished], what need
here in the waste?' Thus Beren spoke,
and once more words in Huan woke:
his voice was like the deeptoned bells
that ring in Valmar's citadels: (3415)
'Of one fair gem thou must be thief,
Morgoth's or Thingol's, loath or lief;
thou must here choose twixt love and oath!
If vow to break is still thee loath,
then Lúthien must either die (3420)
alone, or death with thee defie
beside thee, marching on your fate
that hidden before you lies in wait.
Hopeless the quest, but not yet mad,
unless thou, Beren, run thus clad (3425)
in mortal raiment, mortal hue,
witless and redeless, death to woo.
'Lo! good was Felagund's device,
but may be bettered, if advice
of Huan ye will dare to take, (3430)
and swift a hideous change will make
to forms most cursed, foul and vile,
of werewolf of the Wizard's Isle,
of monstrous bat's envermined fell
with ghostly clawlike wings of hell. (3435)
'To such dark straits, alas! now brought
are ye I love, for whom I fought.
Nor further with you can I go -
whoever did a great hound know
in friendship at a werewolf's side (3440)
to Angband's grinning portals stride?
Yet my heart tells that at the gate
what there ye find, 'twill be my fate
myself to see, though to that door
my feet shall bear me nevermore. (3445)
Darkened is hope and dimmed my eyes,
I see not clear what further lies;
yet maybe backwards leads your path
beyond all hope to Doriath,
and thither, perchance, we three shall wend, (3450)
and meet again before the end.'

BL-SL-06: In Sil77 Huan and Lúthien are clad in the wolveham and the batskirt when they meet Beren. If we must follow this we must find some satisfactional way to incooperat the new story into the poem. That does not seem impossible for me but I did not jet try it.

BL-RG-40: “Herald” was the best replacment I could find that is shorter than “messanger”.

BL-RG-41: I did not like “Thou Thu” from the start. Thus “Sauron” serves us well her.

…
Come forth, O monstrous craven lord,
and fight with thine own hand and sword,
thou wielder of hosts of banded thralls,
thou tyrant leaguered with strong walls, (3555)
thou foe of BL-RG-42 God{s} and elvish race!
I wait thee here. Come! Show thy face!'

BL-RG-42: I thnik we could name Morgoth the foe of God – meaning Iluvatar. But If someone has a better idea, I would be happy to discus it.

Then came word (3665)
most passing strange of Lúthien
wild-wandering by wood and glen,
and Thingol's purpose long he weighed,
and wondered, thinking of that maid.
BL-SL-07{so fair, so frail. A captain dire, (3670)
Boldog, he sent with sword and fire
to Doriath's march; but battle fell
sudden upon him: news to tell
never one returned of Boldog's host,
and Thingol humbled Morgoth's boast.} (3675)
Then his heart with doubt and wrath was burned:
new tidings of dismay he learned,
BL-RG-43{how Thu was }[of Sauron] o'erthrown and his strong isle
broken and plundered, how with guile
his foes now guile beset; and spies (3680)
he feared, till each Orc to his eyes
was half suspect. Still ever down
the aisled forests came renown
of Huan baying, hound of war
that BL-RG-44{Gods unleashed}[once he knew] in Valinor. (3685)

BL-SL-07: We remove here the raid of Boldog as Tolkien had done in Sil77.

BL-RG-43: The “how” is much better since it corosponds to the other tidings, but that’s what I could do.

BL-RG-44: I changed the meaning to get rid of “Gods”. It might be that this is going beyond the boundary.

'Who art thou, hungry upstart whelp,
to bar my ways whom thou shouldst help?
BL-RG-45I fare with hasty tidings {new}[bright] (3770)
{to Morgoth }from[ Sauron’s] forest-haunting {Thu}[might].
Aside! for I must in; or go
and swift my coming tell below!'

BL-RG-45: Since “Thu” is here in the rhyming couple again we must find some replacment in both lines.

…
A nameless doubt, a shapeless fear,
had entered in their caverns drear,
and grew, and towered above them cowed, (3920)
hearing in heart the trumpets loud
of BL-RG-46{gods}[doom] forgotten. Morgoth spoke,
and thunderous the silence broke:
'Shadow, descend! And do not think
to cheat mine eyes! In vain to shrink (3925)
from thy Lord's gaze, or seek to hide.
…

BL-RG-46: “gods” must go even if it is here not capitalised. “forgotten doom” seems to fit well with the sence.

'Thy name, thou shrieking waif, thy name! (3950)
Tidings enough from BL-RG-47{Thu there}[Sauron] came
but short while since. What would he now?
Why send such messenger as thou?'
'Thuringwethil BL-EX-11 [Footnote: sc. she of hidden shadow] I am, who cast
a shadow o'er the face aghast (3955)
of the sallow moon in the doomed land
of shivering Beleriand.'

BL-RG-47: It is nice that Tolkien provide the fill-word “there”.

BL-EX-11: I know that footnotes are not popular in this project, but this one is worth I try.

…
are at my call. Yet I will give
a respite brief, a while to live, (4025)
a little while, though purchased dear,
to Lúthien the fair and clear,
a pretty toy for idle hour.
BL-RG-48 In slothful gardens many a flower
like thee the amorous gods are used (4030)
honey-sweet to kiss, and cast then bruised,
their fragrance loosing, under feet.
But here we seldom find such sweet
amid our labours long and hard,
from godlike idleness debarred. (4035)
And who would not taste the honey-sweet
lying to lips, or crush with feet
the soft cool tissue of pale flowers,
easing like gods the dragging hours?
A! curse the Gods! O hunger dire, (4040)
O blinding thirst's unending fire!
One moment shall ye cease, and slake
your sting with morsel I here take!'

BL-RG-48: I have left “Gods” stand in Morgoth talk. I think it fit well for him to call his pears Gods so that he as the mightiest of them is a God himself. Also it would fit his desire to conceal the knowledge of Eru from the children of Eru to name himself and his pears God.

Against the wall then Beren reeled
but still with his left he sought to shield
fair Lúthien, who cried aloud
to see his pain, and down she bowed
in anguish sinking to the ground.

*

BL-SL-08<LQS 25 The Quest of the Silmaril 2

Then swiftly all {his}Carcharoth’s inwards were filled with a flame of anguish, and the Silmaril seared his accursed flesh. Howling he fled before them, and the walls of the valley of the Gate echoes with the clamour of his torment. …

BL-SL-08: Here the Laycomes to an end. We take as a basis for our further text The Later Ouenta Silmarillion. We take up the narativ with the chapter-heading that preceded the place we jump in. Charcharoth is in the prose version named in the sentce before so we must replace the “his” here.

In that time Thingol turned to Melian; but now she withheld her counsel from him, saying that the doom that he had devised must work to its appointed end, and that he must wait now upon time. But Thingol learned that Lúthien had journeyed far from Doriath, for messages came secretly from Celegorm, as has been told, saying that Felagund was dead, and Beren was dead, BL-EX-12{but Lúthien was in Nargothrond, and that Celegorm would wed her.} and <Lay; Synopsis V that Celegorm {will}would make himself king of Narog, and while telling him that Lúthien {is}was safe in Nargothrond and treating for her hand, {hints}hinted that she {will}would not return: it also {warns}warned him to trouble not the matter of the Silmarils.> Then Thingol was wrathful, BL-EX-13<Lay; Synopsis V and is moved to think better of Beren, while yet blaming {[}him{]} for the woes that followed his coming to Doriath, and most for the loss of {Dairon}[Daeron].> {and}And he sent forth spies, thinking to make war upon Nargothrond. But BL-EX-14<Lay; Synopsis V Melian {says}said she would forbid this evil war of Elf with Elf, but that never shall Thingol cross blade with Celegorm.> BL-EX-15<Lay; Synopsis V Beleg was the chief of his scouts.> BL-EX-16<Lay; Synopsis V {Beleg goes}He went forth from the camp on Doriath's borders and {journeys}journeyed, unseen by the archers, to Narog.>{; and thus he}Thus Thingol learned that Lúthien was again fled, and that Celegorm and Curufin were driven from Nargothrond. Then his counsel was in doubt, for he had not the strength to assail BL-RG-49 [all ]the{ seven} sons of Fëanor; but he sent messengers to Himring to summon their aid in seeking for Lúthien, since Celegorm had not sent her to the house of her father, nor had he kept her safely.

BL-EX-12 to BL-EX-16: In parts Synopsis V is even as elaborted as the naritiv of Sil77, thus I think we should fetch some deatisl otherwise lost.

BL-RG-49: Well, Amras who is number seven, is already burned to death.

Even in that dark hour Beren and Lúthien returned, hastening from the west, and the news of their coming went before them like a sound of music borne by the wind into dark houses where men sit sorrowful. They came at last to the gates of Menegroth, and a great host followed them. Then Beren led Lúthien before the throne of Thingol her father; and he looked in wonder upon Beren, whom he had thought dead; but he loved him not, because of the woes that he had brought upon Doriath. But Beren knelt before him, and said: 'I return according to my word. I am come now to claim my own.'
And Thingol answered: 'What of your quest, and of your vow?'
But Beren said: 'It is fulfilled. Even now a Silmaril is in my hand.'
Then Thingol said: 'Show it to me!'
BL-EX-16.3{And}<Eldarin Hands, Fingers & Numerals, VT47 ‘My handholds the jewel’, and> Beren put forth his left hand, slowly opening its fingers; but it was empty. BL-EX-16.5<Eldarin Hands, Fingers & Numerals, VT47 ‘Alas!’ said Beren, ‘it is in the other hand, but that is not here.’> Then he held up his right arm; and from that hour he named himself Camlost, the Empty-handed.
Then Thingol's mood was softened; and Beren sat before his throne upon the left, and Lúthien upon the right, and they told all the tale of the Quest, while all there listened and were filled with amazement. And it seemed to Thingol that this Man was unlike all other mortal Men, BL-EX-17<GAand among the great in Arda,> and the love of Lúthien a thing new and strange; and he perceived that their doom might not be withstood by any power of the world. Therefore at the last he yielded his will, and Beren took the hand of Lúthien before the throne of her father.

BL-EX-16.3 & BL-EX-16.5: This gives an combined version from the [B]Quenta and the GA and Eldarin Hands, Fingers & Numerals, VT47 is late indeed (1967-70). So it should be taken. Eldarin Hands, Fingers & Numerals, VT47 was published after I made post in the privat forum thus these changes are new.

BL-EX-17: I followed Christopher Tolkiesn lead here.

Mablung and Beleg came hastening to the King's aid, but when they looked upon what was done they cast aside their spears and wept. Then Mablung took a knife and ripped up the belly of the Wolf; and within he was well nigh all consumed as with a fire, but the hand of Beren that held the jewel was yet incorrupt. But when Mablung BL-EX-18{reached forth to touch it, the hand was no more,}< Eldarin Hands, Fingers & Numerals, VT47 took the Silmaril from the belly of Carcharoth the hand of Beren and jewel seemed to have so great a weight that Mablung's own hand was dragged earthward and forced open, letting the other fall to the ground. It was said that Mablung's name ('with weighted hand') was prophetic; but it may have been a title derived from the episode that afterwards became the one that the hero was chiefly remembered by in legend. > {and}And when the Silmaril lay there unveiled{, and} the light of it filled the shadows of the forest all about hem. Then quickly and in fear Mablung took it and set it in Beren's living hand; and Beren was aroused by the touch of the Silmaril, and held it aloft, and bade Thingol receive it. 'Now is the Quest achieved,' he said, 'and my doom full-wrought'; and he spoke no more

26 The Song of Lúthien in Mandos

They bore back Beren Camlost son of Barahir upon a bier of branches with Huan the wolfhound at his side; and night fell ere they returned to Menegroth. At the feet of Hírilorn the great beech Lúthien met them walking slow, and some bore torches beside the bier. There she set her arms about Beren, and kissed him bidding him await her beyond the Western Sea; and he looked upon her eyes ere the spirit left him. But the starlight was quenched and darkness had fallen even upon Lúthien Tinúviel. Thus ended the Quest of the Silmaril; but the Lay of Leithian, Release form Bondage does not end.
For the spirit of Beren at her bidding tarried in the halls of Mandos, unwilling to leave the world, until Lúthien came to say her last farewell upon the dim shores of the Outer Sea, whence Men that die set out never to return. But the spirit of Lúthien fell down into darkness, and at the last it fled, and her body lay like a flower that is suddenly cut off and lies for a while unwithered on the grass.
Then a winter, as it were the hoar age of mortal Men, fell upon Thingol.> BL-EX-19<editorial bridge In the Lay it is told:>

Where the forest-stream went through the wood,
and silent all the stems there stood
of tall trees, moveless, hanging dark
with mottled shadows on their bark
above the green and gleaming river, [5]
there came through leaves a sudden shiver,
a windy whisper through the still
cool silences; and down the hill,
as faint as a deep sleeper's breath,
an echo came as cold as death: [10]
'Long are the paths, of shadow made
where no foot's print is ever laid,
over the hills, across the seas!
Far, far away are the Lands of Ease,
but the Land of the Lost is further yet, [15]
where the Dead wait, while ye forget.
No moon is there, no voice, no sound
of beating heart; a sigh profound
once in each age as each age dies
alone is heard. Far, far it lies, [20]
the Land of Waiting where the Dead sit,
in their thought's shadow, by no moon lit.'

<LQS {But}Thus Lúthien came to the halls of Mandos, where are the appointed places of the Eldalië, beyond the mansions of the West upon the confines of the world. There those that wait sit in the shadow of their thought. But her beauty was more than their beauty, and her sorrow deeper than their sorrows; and she knelt before Mandos and sang to him.

BL-EX-18: The essay quoted in the commentary to Q30 is Eldarin Hands, Fingers & Numerals from 1967 to 1970 given in VT47, then the story given there is newer then the one given in LQS, and we should take it.

BL-EX-19: Here we have a last stance of the poem, and I think this is the right place for it.

It is said that Beren and Lúthien returned to the northern lands of Middle-earth, and dwelt together for a time as living man and woman; BL-EX-20{for taking}and they took up again their mortal form in Doriath. BL-EX-21<GA Those that saw them were both glad and fearful; and Lúthien went to Menegroth and healed the winter of Thingol with the touch of her hand. But Melian looked in her eyes and read the doom that was written there, and turned away; for she knew that a parting beyond the end of the world had come between them, and no grief of loss has been heavier than the grief of Melian the Maia in that hour.> {they}Then Beren and Lúthien went forth alone, fearing neither thirst nor hunger; and they passed beyond the rivers into Ossiriand, and abode there in the green isle, Tol Galen, in the midst of Adurant, until all tidings of them ceased. There for the {Noldor}[Eldar] afterwards called that country {Gyrth-I-Guinar}[Dor Firn-i-Guinar], the country of the Dead that Live BL-EX-22<GA ; and there was born{In this year was the birth of} Dior Aranel the Beautiful{ in Gwerth-i-Guinar}, who was after known as Dior BL-EX-23<Sil77 Eluchíl, which is> Thingol's heir, father of the Halfelven.> {and no}No mortal man spoke ever again with Beren son of Barahir; and whether the second span of his life was brief or long is not known to Elves or Men, for none saw Beren or Lúthien leave the world or marked where at last their bodies lay.>

BL-EX-20 to BL-EX-23: In all this additions I followed Christopher Tolkiens lead. The only one were we have no source information is BL-EX-23. But from its content it seemed a editorial phrase based on The Problem of Ros.

That’s it for the moment. Please feel free to disagree with me in any point that is not to your liking.

Respectfully
Findegil

[Findegil]

During a rereading of the poem I found one additional line that needs our attention:

...
Mayhap the Lord Tauros from his gate
BL-RG-00.5 and tree-propped halls, {the forest-god}[the lover of wood],
rides his great stallion golden-shod
...

Respectfully
Findegil

[Findegil]

BL-EX-18 I found my reading a bit stocky. What about this:

Mablung and Beleg came hastening to the King's aid, but when they looked upon what was done they cast aside their spears and wept. Then Mablung took a knife and ripped up the belly of the Wolf; and within he was well nigh all consumed as with a fire, but the hand of Beren that held the jewel was yet incorrupt. BL-EX-18 <Eldarin Hands, Fingers & Numerals, VT47 Mablung took out Beren's right hand - his kamba, still holding the Silmaril and by its protection unmortified and clean. But to his surprise the hand and jewel seemed to have so great a weight that Mablung's own hand was dragged earthward and forced open, letting the other fall to the ground. It was said that Mablung's name ('with weighted hand') was prophetic; but it may have been a title derived from the episode that afterwards became the one that the hero was chiefly remembered by in legend. > But when Mablung reached forth to touch it, the hand was no more, and the Silmaril lay there unveiled, and the light of it filled the shadows of the forest all about them. Then quickly and in fear Mablung took it and set it in Beren's living hand; and Beren was aroused by the touch of the Silmaril, and held it aloft, and bade Thingol receive it. 'Now is the Quest achieved,' he said, 'and my doom full-wrought'; and he spoke no more.

Respectfully
Findegil

[Aiwendil]

I must apologize (again) for being so slow with this. Here, finally, are some comments (up to BL-EX-10).

BL-SL-01: The absence from LQ of the Orc-leader’s intention to betray Sauron and take the ring seems very probably due to compression. If I recall correctly, that feature was already present in the original version of the Lay, and yet is absent from other earlier accounts.
The matter of whether the Orcs took the whole hand of Barahir or just the ring is an interesting one. I could imagine that the fact that they took the whole hand is simply omitted from the Lay, not rejected. But even if there were a definite disagreement between the two texts, we would have no way of determining priority – in such a case, I think I’d go with the Lay. Actually, it strikes me that, as a general principle, we might want to give priority to the later version of the Lay over LQ, since by this point much of the work on LQ was merely copying QS.

BL-EX-03: This needs a bit of thought. As much as I like the passage, I am really quite hesitant to include it, since Tolkien left it out of the revised version. I can think of a possible motivation for this removal – it is said in QS (as found in the ’77) that Beren “spoke of it [the journey] to no one after, lest the horror lest the horror return into his mind; and none know how he found a way, and so came by paths that no Man or Elf else ever dared to tread to the borders of Doriath”. I need to think about this further, but for the moment I must say I’m inclined not to re-introduce the passage.

BL-EX-04:If we do include it, we might want to say “did he” rather than “he did”. The metrical “did” is not good, and Tolkien went to great lengths to excise it from the revision, which is perhaps another reason we shouldn’t include this bit.

BL-EX-06:

now all these horrors like a cloud {575}
BL-EX-06{faded from mind}[he did there find]. The waters loud

This doesn’t work – “like a cloud” describes the horrors fading from his mind. I cannot think of a solution at the moment, though I’m not inclined to try overly hard, as I don’t think we should include this passage anyway.

BL-EX-07: I think this should be “recked not {now}[of] the burning road”.

BL-RG-00.5: What about:

BL-RG-00.5 and tree-propped halls, the forest-{god}[lord],
rides his great stallion golden-shod

Also, I believe there was a change Tauros > Tauron. I will have to check, though – I can’t recall where it might be found.

BL-RG-02: Removing “and there” leaves an ungrammatical sentence. But we could simply change the comma to a semi-colon:

in the land of the Valar long ago{,}[;]
BL-RG-02{and there} in {Tun}[Tirion] of their own light
they shone like marvellous stars at night,

BL-RG-05: I like the idea here, but I don’t think the sense is entirely clear once “Gods” is removed (Who is bringing the chain? Where are they bringing it?) Perhaps:

for Morgoth shall BL-RG-05{by Gods}[with force] be BL-SL-02{wrought}[brought]
{of}[with] steel and torment. Names she sought,

BL-RG-06: Findegil wrote:

An alternative line cold be:
“{of} tower-crowned {Tun}[Tuna], that still”

Well – not if “crowned” is supposed to be pronounced as two syllables, as it seems to be in the original.

In the line:

of tower-crowned BL-RG-06{Tun}[town], that still

. . . there seems to be a missing article. We might make it:

of [the] tower-crowned BL-RG-06{Tun}[town], that still

BL-RG-08: I think we can keep the “and”; the second and third syllables of “Silpion” are short enough to allow it.

BL-RG-09: I think the extra syllable might be a problem here. A shorter replacement for “Lord of Gods” would be good, though I can’t think of one at the moment.

BL-RG-09: I’m not entirely sure the extra syllable is needed, but I think it works.

BL-RG-11.5: I’m unsure about this; it would be good to try to find an alternative.

BL-RG-12: I think your line is excellent. But I think you meant “’twixt” with a “t” on the end.

BL-RG-15:

Is my counting at a miss or did Tolkien leave out a syllable in lines 1825 and 1827?

Though Tolkien calls the form “octosyllabic couplets”, I am very much of the opinion that it is really what would be better called “iambic tetrameter”. What is really fixed, I think, is the sense of four “feet” per line, not the number of syllables. But in the cases of lines 1825 and 1827, I think it’s a moot point – by my count, there are eight syllables in each of those lines (nine in 1827, if one pronounces “power” as two syllables). So I see no need to make any metrical changes.

BL-RG-17: I think this is fine. “Tuna” is, after all, really a later form of “Tun”, despite the fact that its significance was slightly changed.

BL-SL-03: I agree that a better solution should be sought here, though I cannot provide one at the moment.

BL-EX-09: This is a little clunky. I wonder whether it’s really necessary to introduce the name ‘Edrahil’ (though I agree that, all else being equal, it would be good to do).

BL-SL-04: What about merely making it:

of Orodreth set it: 'BL-SL-04{Brother}[Nephew] mine, (1920)

BL-EX-10: I need to look at this some more and see if I can come up with something better. But if we have too much trouble with it, we should just omit it.

[Findegil]

BL-SL-01: I think the hand was removed because of the development in the Lay that the Ork wanted to keep the Ring for himself. With the hand brought to Sauron he could not so easily lie that it was bar (normally you would see a mark of a ring at the finger, especially with a man living all times out side).

Posted by Aiwendil:

Actually, it strikes me that, as a general principle, we might want to give priority to the later version of the Lay over LQ, since by this point much of the work on LQ was merely copying QS.

Agreed.

BL-Ex-03: I can understand your point, but there is at least one passage that comes to mind that does contradict your theory. And that passage comes from the most highest priority source we have: "The Lord of the Rings"; volume 2: "The Two Towers"; book IV; chapter IX: "Shelob's Lair":

There agelonge she had dwelt, an evil thing in spider-form, even such as once of old had lived in the Land of the Elves in the West that is now under the Sea, such as Beren fought in the Mountains of Terror in Doriath, and so came to Lúthien upon the green sward amid the hemlocks in the moonlight long ago. How Shelob came there, flying from ruin, no tale tells, for out of the Dark Years few tales have come. ...

I must say that my memory of that passage was based on the German translation which makes the passage even more explicit by making it Shelob (or rather Kankra) herself who fought with Beren. But anyway here we have a passage that tells us that Beren fought against spiders on his way to Doriath. I would therefore argue that even if he never spoke about it the poet of the Lay took the elvish experience of the Ered Grogoroth and Dungorthed and the freedom of poesy and worked out a passage fitting to the occasion. If I imagine Frodo writing his account of his quest with no more information than what we have in the new version of the Lay and in QS as found in Sil77, how could he than say that Beren had fought with the spiders?

Either way I comment on BL-EX-04 to BL-EX-07 if we decide to use them in the end.

BL-EX-04 & BL-EX-05: What about:

Then {all his}[on this] journey{'s} lonely[ he] fare,
{the}[of] hunger and {the}[of] haggard care,

BL-EX-06: May be we could change it thus:

and there they lived, and sucked bones
lay white beneath on the dark stones -
now all these horrors like a cloud
BL-EX-06{faded from}[lay on his] mind. The waters loud
falling from pinnacle heights no more
he heard, those waters grey and frore
that bittersweet he drank and filled
his mind with madness - all was stilled.

BL-RG-00.5: Agreed. And Tauros -> Tauron is also right.

BL-RG-02: Agreed.

BL-RG-05: Agreed.

BL-RG-06: Agreed.

BL-RG-08: Agreed.

BL-RG-09: What about:

whereon are built the timeless halls
of Manwe {Lord of Arda}[and Varda]. Who calls

Not the same sense but still true.

BL-RG-11.5: With an syllable more:

{not might of Gods}[nor any might on Earth], not moveless fate
shall him defend from wrath and hate

But I am not really happy with this.

BL-RG-12: Of course with a "t" at the end. Thanks for the flowers.

BL-RG-15: Okay, then we will leave the "here" in 1827 out.

BL-SL-03: Let's try:

So would they not that angry day
King Felagund their lord obey,
but sullen murmured that Finrod
{nor yet his son were as a god}[does not think enough as a realms lord].
Then Felagund took off his crown
and at his feet he cast it down,

BL-EX-09: What about:

{One stopped and}[And Edrahil] lifted up {his}[the] crown,
{and said}[saying]: 'O king, to leave this town

BL-SL-04: Agreed.

BL-EX-10: Your work is ever welcome.

At last a word to the working speed. I do not bother at all how slow we are in the moment. When I look at the time it took to finish FoG we are still moving like in a rush reckoned from that point onward.

Respectfully
Findegil

[Findegil]

Just to get this at the top: Are we still in progress?

Respectfully
Findegil

P.S.: Aiwendil, just to let you know, Maedhros and I are still active in the background. After finishing the reworking of all texts that we have to the point we did bring them as jet, I did make a draft for "The Ruin of Beleriand and the Fal of Fingolfin" and Maedhros made a draft for "The Flight of the Noldor". But we both agreed that we will not start with this chapters if ever we get Beren and Lúthien finished, but rather go to "Of Valinor and the Two Trees" with the group discussion and then proced through the chapters of Sil in due order.