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04-05-2001, 06:31 PM | #1 |
Pile O'Bones
Join Date: Mar 2001
Posts: 16
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Limerick, anyone?
<font face="Verdana"><table><TR><TD><FONT SIZE="1" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Pile o' Bones
Posts: 13</TD><TD></TD></TR></TABLE> Loved the "Puns" thread so much, I think it's time for more humor. How about limericks (collective groan?) The maiden, Eowyn the fair Donned her armor and tucked up her hair. Told the Witch-King, "You're slick, but, you fool, I'm a chick! If you think I won't slay you, Au contraire!" The hobbit had to have a "lookit" the stone thrown by Grima the crooked. While the old wizard slept, up beside him he crept, And then our poor Peregrin Took (pun intended) it! </p> |
10-07-2002, 06:14 PM | #2 |
Haunting Spirit
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Middle-Earth
Posts: 68
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There once was a hobbit named Sam
And he was rather fond of ham One day he set out With Frodo no doubt Cause he was bonked on the head with a staff! [img]smilies/rolleyes.gif[/img] I know I know [img]smilies/rolleyes.gif[/img]
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"Your bodygaurd?" "His Gardner" |
10-07-2002, 07:27 PM | #3 |
Shade of Carn Dûm
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: next to the fire keeping warm
Posts: 471
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There is a land called the Shire
it housed a burgler for hire he went on his way with dwarves oh so gay and a wizard who played with fire (not homosexual!) [ October 07, 2002: Message edited by: hobbitlass ] [ October 07, 2002: Message edited by: hobbitlass ]
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Just because a person has the right to do something doesn't make it the right thing to do. |
10-14-2002, 05:48 PM | #4 |
Shade of Carn Dûm
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: The Helcaraxë- aka Canada
Posts: 261
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here's one NOT WRITTEN BY ME. I will find the author and post so that you may all compliment him/her
There once was a dragon named Smaug who flew and got lost in the fog a black arrow hit him, and so he was smitten and down he fell dead like a log!
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~* Losthuniel "Lord, what fools these mortals be!" Puck, Shakespeare's A Midsummer Night's Dream Abhorsen's House -- Lirael/Sabriel fanboard |
10-15-2002, 04:11 PM | #5 |
Shade of Carn Dûm
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Tossing half-sick between grotesque reality and savage, frightening dreams
Posts: 360
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There once was a dwarf dude named Gimli,
who climbed up and got stuck in a chimni. i'd continue this rhyme, some other time, if i could find another word that rhymes with Gimli. i know. *groan*
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Where was the stooped and mealy-coloured old man I used to call Poppa when the merry-go-round broke down? |
10-15-2002, 04:18 PM | #6 |
Wight
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Dancing on this earth for a short while
Posts: 111
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man this is sad.
the elf who's name is Legolas, he had very hairy jaws. he got a shave from a guy named dave umm... someone think up a last line?
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I am against nature. I don't dig nature at all. I think nature is very unnatural. I think the truly natural things are dreams, which nature can't touch with decay. - Bob Dylan |
10-16-2002, 03:54 PM | #8 |
Shade of Carn Dûm
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: next to the fire keeping warm
Posts: 471
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*last line*
Now what do we do with his other flaws?
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Just because a person has the right to do something doesn't make it the right thing to do. |
10-16-2002, 04:20 PM | #9 |
Ghost Prince of Cardolan
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There once was a burglar hobbit
Who told all the hungry dwarves "Stop it! I can't go on this quest, You are unwelcome guests, Let me live my life in peace and quiet!" * * * * * * The Ringwraiths are creatures of Fear They come from a land, oh so drear. Their Message brings Doom To the Ringbearer. - soon Will come Darkness and War far and near. * * * * * * Once lived Gandalf the Grey Who fell into Darkness, they say He battled and fought Yielded at naught Held the Forces of Darkness at bay. * * * * * * He was an excellent "magician" Whom the Hobbits held in suspicion. But the marvelous display Of the fireworks that Day, Beat their petty complaints into submission (huh?). [ October 18, 2002: Message edited by: TolkienGurl ]
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Hopes fail. An end comes. We have only a little time to wait now. We are lost in ruin and downfall and there is no escape. -Frodo My Livejournal |
01-01-2003, 10:17 AM | #10 |
Vegetable of Doom
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There was once a horsey named Brego
Who was doomed to carrying Viggo And even if he [Viggo] got thrown off a cliff He would save him and become a hero and his head would get very biggo!
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je suis une bonne odeur |
05-20-2003, 04:46 AM | #11 |
Drummer in the Deep
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Next Sunday A.D.
Posts: 2,145
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Yay! Somewhere to put these!
There once was a hobbit named Fro Who on a great quest had to go He took his friend Pip Who was very hip And saved the said quest just like so. _____________________________ There once was a hobbit named Pip Who when Frodo gave him the slip He got captured when Merry messed up again and ended up taking a trip. _____________________________ My brother (Sam!) suggested this- There once was a hobbit named Sam who was enamoured of pans He hit orcs again and again and again Until Steve Irwin said 'danger dan....' Yeh, stupid I know...just think if Sean Bean had been replaced...(Oh crikey, they have a cave troll!) ____________________________ There once was a ranger named Strider Who was deathly afraid of black riders So he ran and he ran til in Imladris again and and ate until he was wider. ____________________________ There once was a fellow named Merry Who wished he could be called Larry So he wished and he wished 'til he became a fish and then everyone called him Harry. _____________________________ There once was a guy name of Maedhros Who once thought he saw a ghost so he ran and he ran until he lost a hand and then everyone said "eew gross!" _____________________________ Anyone else?
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But all the while I sit and think of times there were before
I listen for returning feet and voices at the door |
05-20-2003, 10:57 AM | #12 |
Shadowed Prince
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Thulcandra
Posts: 2,343
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im making this up as i go along, i know itll be lame.
frodo was a hobbit his hair was home to a small nit so he washed not his hair til it stopped being fair and people yelled at him: "wash it!!" |
05-21-2003, 04:48 AM | #13 |
Drummer in the Deep
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Next Sunday A.D.
Posts: 2,145
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That's good, Guy! Just the first line doesn't have enough syllables.
"Frodo was a filthy hobbit" Maybe? [img]smilies/smile.gif[/img]
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But all the while I sit and think of times there were before
I listen for returning feet and voices at the door |
05-25-2003, 09:02 AM | #14 |
Haunting Spirit
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Deep Thought
Posts: 83
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There is a Lady of Lothlórien
Who many thought could bewitch men Frodo offered her the Ring She denied the dark thing And went of into the West, in the end |
05-25-2003, 11:04 AM | #15 |
Shadowed Prince
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Thulcandra
Posts: 2,343
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Gil galad was an elven guy
From him the bakers made a pie Adorning it with niphredil They left it on the windowsill (This limerick's a lie) wow, im good at making stuff up! And you cant say im not, you just know both of mne have been excellent [img]smilies/tongue.gif[/img] |
05-25-2003, 02:01 PM | #16 |
Pile O'Bones
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: New York
Posts: 16
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Once lived a Pony named Bill
who decided "I've had my fill! Even though I am brave, they left me outside this cave: Now my journey seems clearly uphill."
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~Katherine~ (waves only for Boromir the Disco King) **Few can foresee whither their road will lead them, till they come to its end.** |
05-25-2003, 02:37 PM | #17 |
Shadowed Prince
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Thulcandra
Posts: 2,343
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There once was a guy named aragorn
On the first of march born in the year 2931 Arathorn's son 'Twas a most merry morn! |
05-26-2003, 05:35 PM | #18 |
Deathless Sun
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There was a spider named Lobbie,
Who always ate Orcs as a hobby, A Hobbit she tried, And so nearly died, She went to her cave all sobby. (Yes I know, it's horrible. But it's just my first one.)
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But Melkor also was there, and he came to the house of Fëanor, and there he slew Finwë King of the Noldor before his doors, and spilled the first blood in the Blessed Realm; for Finwë alone had not fled from the horror of the Dark. |
05-27-2003, 06:54 AM | #19 |
Shadowed Prince
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Thulcandra
Posts: 2,343
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ok, this one is meant to be crap, ok? ll, im making it at terrible as possible.
gimli, son of gloin who was son of groin was very short lived in a port a descendent of king oin! haha! thats gotta be the most terrible yet! |
05-27-2003, 03:03 PM | #20 |
Haunting Spirit
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: UK
Posts: 62
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cool...these are fun! I liked the one about "Fro" I'm going to have a go now....so, if you have any respect or reverence for the English language, stop reading now!!
There once was a massive great tower, Whose shadow made many men cower, On top was an eye, That made many die, Still Sauron desired more power Along came a ring-bearer guy, Who thought he'd give Mordor a try, He destroyed the ring Aragorn became king, And that was the end of the Eye. And that was ...rather rubbish!! [img]smilies/smile.gif[/img]
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Why do they call the small candy bars the "fun sizes"? Wouldn't be more fun to eat a big one? |
07-09-2003, 02:51 PM | #21 |
Vegetable of Doom
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There was once a being called Tom
Who lived in a wood all alone 'Til he got married And then he tarried In the wood, but no longer alone Um. Yes. The art of me clearly does not improve with age. [img]smilies/confused.gif[/img]
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je suis une bonne odeur |
07-09-2003, 03:12 PM | #22 |
Wight
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: The Vale, Ancartia
Posts: 112
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Thanks to my good friend and Pippin fan for this one.
A young hobbit was very robust, And he into his clothes fitted just. He did stick in his chair, He did fall off his mare, So the vittles and ale leave he must. [img]smilies/rolleyes.gif[/img]
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I yessessë Eru ontanë Menel ar Cemen. Genesis 1:1 Sign my lighter, Meela? |
07-10-2003, 02:17 PM | #23 |
Wight
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Elves sailed on the Isle of Balar.
To get to the home of the Valar. Feanor lost his Silmarills. So he left to make a few kills. Balrogs gave him a great scar.
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Where there's a whip there's a will |
07-11-2003, 03:24 PM | #24 |
Spectre of Decay
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All business-hobbits, beware!
When choosing your backers, take care! Young Lotho chose badly, And so, rather sadly, He's been served up medium rare.
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Man kenuva métim' andúne? |
07-11-2003, 03:50 PM | #25 |
Spectre of Capitalism
Join Date: May 2001
Location: Battling evil bureaucrats at Zeta Aquilae
Posts: 987
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At the end of a journey hum-dinger
By the Crack of Doom Frodo did linger His digit was maimed That's where Sam got the name For His new steak house chain: "Ring and Finger!" [ July 11, 2003: Message edited by: Thenamir ]
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The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane. ~~ Marcus Aurelius |
07-21-2003, 10:40 AM | #26 |
Shadowed Prince
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Thulcandra
Posts: 2,343
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Lord Aragorn the Second
By Elrond was beckoned He said "You're Isildurs heir, You look foul and feel fair" 'And you smell', he said not but reckoned. |
08-01-2003, 05:26 PM | #27 |
Guest
Posts: n/a
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Once there was an artist, Feanor of name.
Nothing there was that could quench his inner flame. He made three Silmarils in days long before, Giving us Tolkienists an abundance of lore. Now we have the Silm to impress those that call Tolkien lame! |
08-02-2003, 08:49 AM | #28 |
Shade of Carn Dûm
Join Date: Mar 2003
Posts: 334
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There once was a hobbit named Pip,
some said he should get a grip. He threw a stone down a well, said the Balrog, 'Oh hell!, that hobbit's no more than a drip!' That was pretty bad. What's worse, it took me ages to write! Poor limerickaly-challenged old me.
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'What news from the South, O sighing wind, do you bring to me at eve? Where now is Boromir the Fair? He tarries and I grieve.' |
08-02-2003, 08:58 AM | #29 |
Shade of Carn Dûm
Join Date: Mar 2003
Posts: 334
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I just thought of another!
Two hobbits, both portly and male, met a tree of a rather great scale. said 'come drinking with me!' 'tis tasty,' said he. They could never pass up a free ale! These hobbits, they grew (just a bit), more than Treebeard would admit. Their hair curled and grew, they bought new shampoo, but could never find hats that would fit! (Okay, that effort was slightly better).
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'What news from the South, O sighing wind, do you bring to me at eve? Where now is Boromir the Fair? He tarries and I grieve.' |
10-04-2003, 10:57 PM | #30 |
Ghost Prince of Cardolan
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Umbar, but before the corsairs took over. (Ave Maria University, FL, USA)
Posts: 632
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Here's one- it's rather stupid though.
There once was a hobbit from Bree Who wanted to sit in a tree So he sat for a bit 'Til he said "I will sit Not a moment much longer, not me!" I'm not too good at limericks! Edit:Happy 75th post to me! [ October 05, 2003: Message edited by: Orominuialwen ]
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Gone for lentSeeyou at Easter! (And on Sundays too, maybe.)
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10-05-2003, 02:45 PM | #31 |
Shadowed Prince
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Thulcandra
Posts: 2,343
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The Tolkienites shall arise in strength
For their love, they go to any length Beware! You who stand in our way! Flee now! While you yet may! It begins on the tenth... Hmmm... that made no sense! |
10-07-2003, 11:23 AM | #32 |
Shadowed Prince
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Thulcandra
Posts: 2,343
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There once was an elf called Arwen
Whose mother was Celebrian And Was ambushed by orcs Skewered on their forks Destroying Arwen mentally so she wants to marry men! |
10-07-2003, 12:33 PM | #33 |
Animated Skeleton
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: The dark and dusty abyss
Posts: 47
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There once was an orc name of Grishnakh,
Who lived in an underground shack, He liked eating raw meat, But he never was neat, And it showed when he stabbed people's back(s) Sorry t'was so gruesome [img]smilies/frown.gif[/img] I'm not very good at the whole optimistic thing..... There once was a hobbit named Merry, Who had a great fondness for sherry, He wouldn't touch beer, 'Cept for one time one year, When the sherry casks fell off the ferry. *reads over* *puts head in hands, groaning theatrically for enhanced dramatic emphasis* [img]smilies/rolleyes.gif[/img]
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I don't want to achieve immortality through my works, I want to achive it by not dying. |
10-07-2003, 12:53 PM | #34 |
Night In Wight Satin
Join Date: May 2000
Posts: 4,043
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Limericks typically have an anapestic meter, and some of the recent ones here don't. I know this is Middle-earth mirth,and we like to have fun, but considering this is a limericks topic, everyone should post only limericks.
Moral of the story: Make sure your posts here really are or strongly resemble limericks. Thank you. P.S. Since this is a limerick topic, I'd better include one. Some dwarves and a hobbit together Set out into inclement weather To be caught on the Porch And escape from the torch But become 15 birds of a feather. [ October 07, 2003: Message edited by: The Barrow-Wight ]
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The Barrow-Wight |
10-07-2003, 07:52 PM | #35 |
Shade of Carn Dûm
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: The wrong place at the wrong time.
Posts: 385
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Said Bilbo "I don't really know
"'Bout these dwarves. They really must go." But they captured his heart With their musical art. So now Bilbo's stuck in their tow. Heh, that was really bad. A lot of the other limericks in this thread are really awesome, though! Keep up the good work everyone, I'm enjoying them a lot!
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"For this is what your folk would call magic, I believe; though I do not understand clearly what they mean; and they seem to use the same word of the deceits of the Enemy. But this, if you will, is the magic of Galadriel." |
10-14-2003, 07:32 PM | #36 |
Drummer in the Deep
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Next Sunday A.D.
Posts: 2,145
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Hey Vlad, remember that limerick rant we had on allscifi a while ago? I think I still have yours somewhere, would you like me to put them up for you?
There once was a hasty Ent Who came from a different Bent But when he saw a dead rowan, temper fits he'd be throwin' Until nerves around him would be Rent
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But all the while I sit and think of times there were before
I listen for returning feet and voices at the door |
10-15-2003, 12:47 PM | #37 |
Animated Skeleton
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: The dark and dusty abyss
Posts: 47
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I think I remember that, Oddwen. Hmm...depends whether or not they were good limericks.... [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]
There once was an Ent in Fangorn, Who was growing extremely forlorn, For the trees were all dead, And the plants poison-ed, And ignoring it all - Aragorn. [img]smilies/wink.gif[/img]
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I don't want to achieve immortality through my works, I want to achive it by not dying. |
12-10-2003, 10:18 AM | #38 |
Spectre of Decay
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Who cares for the famous One Ring?
To blow them at home is the thing! 'Tis better than power Or the loftiest tower To sit setting smoke on the wing.
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Man kenuva métim' andúne? |
12-10-2003, 03:13 PM | #39 |
Wight
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: the Realm of Nargothrond beyond Narog
Posts: 163
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There once was a dwarf-king named Thrain
Who knew there was treasure to gain To find it he went but his days are now spent in a prison where he is insane
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Then Felagund upon the head of Arothir set it: "Nephew mine, till I return this crown is thine." |
12-18-2003, 04:39 AM | #40 |
Ghost Prince of Cardolan
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Out of the North came a man
To fight against the Dark Lord's plan His name was Thorongil Many creatures did he kill He did deeds that not many men can [img]smilies/smile.gif[/img]
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To win one hundred victories in one hundred battles is not the acme of skill. To subdue the enemy without fighting is the acme of skill. ~Sun Tzu |
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