Parody Poems

[narfforc]

As oppose to Poem Parodies I'd like to see if anyone can parody poems that Tolkien wrote. Here is one that I did many moons ago:-


OLD TOM MOANS LIKE A VERY OLD MAN
HIS JACKETS TOO TIGHT AND HIS BOOTS ARE TAN
HE CAN'T SKIP FAR SINCE HE GOT FATTER
HIS BOOTS ARE TIGHT AND HE'S MAD AS A HATTER.

TOM'S OFF HOME TO HIS PRETTY GOLDIGGER
SHE'S VERY NICE WITH A REALLY GOOD FIGURE
DOWN BY A POND THAT WHERE HE CAUGHT HER
SILLY OLD TOM AND THE GLIBBER-WOMANS DAUGHTER.

OLD TOM SMILES BUT HES NOT HAPPY
GOLDIGGERS BROODY SO HE HAS TO WEAR A NAPPY
THAT WHY HE WALKS A LITTLE BIT FUNNY
AND HE SKIPS ALONG LIKE A FRIGHTENED BUNNY.

[narfforc]

Here is another one........ and you have to imagine that Sam likes Country and Western songs:-


IN WESTERN SONGS THERE IS NO FUN
AND IT SEEMS SO STRANGE A THING,
SO MANY DIE WITHOUT THE GUN
THAT THEY FORGOT TO BRING,
THEY GET INTO A STUPID FIGHT
IN TAVERNS OR A BAR,
THEY ARGUE OVER WHO IS RIGHT
AND WHO HAS THE LONGEST SCAR.

NOW THOUGH IT IS THAT ONE MUST DIE
AND TAKE ETERNAL SLEEP,
TO LEAVE A MOTHER WITH NEED TO BUY
A COFFIN AND TO WEEP,
HE'LL LEAVE BEHIND A BABY SON
A DOG THAT'S NEVER WELL,
A HORSE WHO'S DAYS ARE LONG SINCE DONE
AND A WIFE TO ROT IN HELL.

[Galadriel55]

Since I am very lazy and didn't have any particular inspiration, I've done only one stanza from the song of Gil-galad. I had lots of fun doing it, though! I love "messing around" with poems!

Ol' Gaffer was the Tatters' Lord.
Potatos never make him bored
And in his yard, both fair and free
They wonder when the lunch will be.

[narfforc]

Here is my stanza:_



GIDDY-LAD OWNED THE BURGER-KING
BUT THAT WAS NOT AN ELVEN THING
FOR MOST ATE QUORN THAT IS FAT FREE
BETWEEN A BUN AND SWEET CHUTNEY.

[narfforc]

Following on from the last:-


HIS SAUCE BURNT TONGUE HIS MINCE WAS LEAN
HIS SHIN-BONE PIE WAS FULL OF BEAN
THE COUNTLESS VEG OF MAGGOTS FIELD
WERE MASHED IN BUTTER THEREFORE SEELED.

AND LONG AGO HE DID BUT SAY
PLEASE TELLETH ALL THEY HAVE TO PAY
FOR MY FORTUNE HAS FALLEN FAR
IN BARCLAYS WHERE THE ACCOUNTANTS ARE.

[Galadriel55]

Ol' Gaffer was the Tatters' Lord.
Potatos never make him bored
And in his yard, both fair and free
They wonder when the lunch will be.

They're nice and round, their skin is gold,
Of them tales far and wide are told,
But they can have no happy lives,
When they can see the Gaffer's knives. [through the kitchen window]

So one day he came to his yard,
And with a spade he dug them out!!!

***dramatic pause***

However, our tale does not tell
How into the cooking pot they fell.

*I seem to have a thing for potatoes that infest backyards and then come to a tragic end at the didning table *