Worst of Tolkien Art - The Barrow-Downs Discussion Forum

Estelyn Telcontar · 07-30-2007, 01:10 AM

A link on the German Tolkien Society's forum lead me to a list of horrible paintings of Tolkien subjects. View and despair!

"The horror" by aervir

The exotic dancing Lúthien has to be the most ridiculous image I've seen so far.

Perhaps some of you have seen more awful pictures to add to the list?

Lalwendë · 07-30-2007, 02:40 AM

Haha! Excellent!

They have a traditional slideshow at Oxonmoot of art and illustration and it's very rude about some of the art, though they tend to pick on Alan Lee which aint fair - they never pick on Nasmith, who is always there, and who isn't always the best, as seen in those pics

I hate the Bakshi and Hildebrandt Brothers' pictures of Hobbits - they should be burnt, they have produced the most lumpen, ugly, garden-gnome like undignified Hobbits. Ugh. And that Hildebrandt illustration of Aragorn & Arwen's wedding always makes me laugh - it looks like a Klan gathering.

I quite like Roger Garland though - he's so trippy and his art comes out a bit like something disturbing by Bosch.

narfforc · 07-30-2007, 06:19 AM

..........then these are mumbling. I have always hated the Hildebrant versions, and Garland does very little for me. Bakshi's Sam is probably one of the worst visually ever. I still think the best Gandalf was done by Caulty. I have seen that slideshow Lal and you are right.......

Morthoron · 07-30-2007, 06:32 AM

Them thar' be some ghastly pictures, matey. I would elect #8 as the ghastliest. The reviewer caught the Pieta reference, but Boromir is modeled more on any one of several St. Sebastian portraits as well. And what's up with Aragorn as an old draq queen?

#6 is obviously the Bolshoi version of Beren and Luthien.

The Might · 07-30-2007, 06:51 AM

Oh, what I really find amusing is the cover of a Tolkien calendar Parmastahir once showed me.
Sauron looked like a strange radioactive cat, and Tolkien had been misspelled as Tolkein on the cover. Fortunately it wasn't used in any calendar.

I looked at the link he posted, it was from Ebay, and it seems the picture of this work of art no longer is there. Maybe someone finds it on the net...really funny anyway.

davem · 07-30-2007, 11:55 AM

Here's one of Hurin the Barbarian

http://img-fan.theonering.net/rolozo...hall/hurin.jpg

Estelyn Telcontar · 08-02-2007, 02:41 PM

Here's a Hildebrandt drawing that has Aragorn telling his fishing story:

"And the one that got away was thiiiis big!"

Aside from the horribly childlike Hobbits, the one thing that strikes me most is Aragorn's boottops - do tell me how a Ranger is supposed to move silently when his footwear is apt to snag on every twig?!

And is this a depiction of Tolkien's version of the Holy Grail?

THE Ka · 08-02-2007, 04:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Estelyn Telcontar

A link on the German Tolkien Society's forum lead me to a list of horrible paintings of Tolkien subjects. View and despair!

"The horror" by aervir

The exotic dancing Lúthien has to be the most ridiculous image I've seen so far.

Perhaps some of you have seen more awful pictures to add to the list?

I'm going to have to challenge your choice- #8 is a stab not only to Michelangelo (who was horribly depressed to begin with, give him a break!), but Dadaism since this obviously is a rather poor attempt at stabbing something in the face of the 'rules' of classical western art ... Plus, it makes you want to cry pitifully like Madonna of Pietà and laugh at the same time giving you a bad stomach ache.

The only 'good' slight difference is that this Pietà isn't so much out of porportion... Just in sotty taste.

Genie Morgoth and His Forty Thieves

This one is probably the 'best' so far of Morgoth and his compadre, the Witch-King...

~ Critique Ka

Lalwendë · 08-03-2007, 04:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by THE Ka

Genie Morgoth and His Forty Thieves

This one is probably the 'best' so far of Morgoth and his compadre, the Witch-King...

~ Critique Ka

Morgoth there looks suspiciously like the divil as played by Dave Grohl in the Tenacious D video Tribute...

...this is not the greatest art in the world...

Aiwendil · 08-03-2007, 11:05 AM

I honestly don't see what's so bad about the Hildebrandts' "Wedding of Aragorn and Arwen". Though most of the rest of those are quite bad. The worst is undoubtedly the "exotic dancer" Luthien. And while I'm generally a fan of Nasmith and a defender of Bakshi's movie, Ulmo and Sam are certainly not their respective strong points.

Bêthberry · 08-03-2007, 03:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aiwendil

I honestly don't see what's so bad about the Hildebrandts' "Wedding of Aragorn and Arwen". Though most of the rest of those are quite bad. The worst is undoubtedly the "exotic dancer" Luthien. And while I'm generally a fan of Nasmith and a defender of Bakshi's movie, Ulmo and Sam are certainly not their respective strong points.

I think the Hildebrandts took their cue from that old postcard Tolkien had of his hiking trip in the Alps, the postcard with an old man on it that apparently provided some inspiration for Gandalf. This style is closely related to Swiss styles, which in my imagination belong with the illustrations of my girlhood edition of Heidi.

Some comments by davem and myself on Esty's other art thread, the good one, probably best belong on this thread:

Some thoughts on what makes for bad Tolkien art, from post #31 on the Tolkien the Artist thread.

davem · 08-04-2007, 01:13 AM

The style I'm most uncomfortable with is the 'mighty thewed barbarian' - which I find borders on a fascistic, Ubermensch approach, & totally alien to Tolkien's creation. Conan always defeats the demons & monsters & attains victory through his physical strength & use of weapons. Turin, for example, is an inversion of the Ubermensch ideal. In fact Tolkien seems to be pointing up the stupidity & falsity of such an 'ideal' in the real world. The image of Hurin I linked to earlier is a classic example of everything Tolkien's work condemns.

I recall an interview with one of the editors at Harper Collins discussing Alan Lee's M-e work. She stated that she preferred Lee's work to that of other Tolkien artists, because too many depictions of Tolkien's characters had them looking directly at us, but she felt that that was wrong, & that the 'view' should be the other way - we should gaze into their world, they shouldn't look out into ours. I take her point. We're looking at a world long gone & he imagery should reflect that - those beings & places have long since passed from the world. The imagery shouldn't be 'dynamic', or make us feel the events are happening 'now'.

'For God's sake, let us sit upon the ground & tell sad stories of the death of Kings'. In Tolkien's tales we are looking back on things that happened before recorded history, & its essential that that mood is communicated by the artist - M-e is not another world in which events are happening 'now', but this world many, many ages past. That's why Baynes' & Juchimov's illustrations (& Eric Fraser's 'woodcut' style illustrations for the Folio Society Hobbit & LotR) work so well for me. (I think this is why I especially disliked the movie characters' regular lapses into contemporary idiom - nothing about M-e should feel 'modern': it should always feel 'old' & long past. Perhaps this is why dramatisation can't really work as well as reading or hearing the story......)

Gwathagor · 01-22-2008, 04:53 PM

Lord have mercy! HAAAA!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Estelyn Telcontar

A link on the German Tolkien Society's forum lead me to a list of horrible paintings of Tolkien subjects. View and despair!

"The horror" by aervir

The exotic dancing Lúthien has to be the most ridiculous image I've seen so far.

Perhaps some of you have seen more awful pictures to add to the list?

Mnemosyne · 10-03-2009, 02:55 PM

Just tried to bring this up again and found out the original journal link is dead.

PORQUE????!!??

Lindale · 10-04-2009, 10:45 AM

No biggie, Mnemosyne; key in "Luthien" in google images, and endless images of this will... at the very least, make you go "omigosh."

Mnemosyne · 10-04-2009, 01:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lindale

No biggie, Mnemosyne; key in "Luthien" in google images, and endless images of this will... at the very least, make you go "omigosh."

Oh, yes, that one stuck in my mind easily enough for me to find it again... that and the botched Pieta-style "Death of Boromir" that still makes my brain explode...

But I know there are some other pics that were on the page that I can't recall enough about to summon the Magical Key Words with which to retrieve them.

Ah, well--such is the fate of all things in this Middle-earth...

Gwathagor · 10-04-2009, 03:23 PM

Gondor has no pants...Gondor needs no pants...

THE Ka · 10-04-2009, 04:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mnemosyne

that and the botched Pieta-style "Death of Boromir" that still makes my brain explode...

I brought that into art history class once. Massive brain hemorrhaging ensured.

Quote:

Originally Posted by gWATH

Gondor has no pants...Gondor needs no pants...

Not to worry, they make up for it by milking a giant invisible cow.

~ "I'm sick of milking this giant, invisible... cow all the time." Ka

Galadriel55 · 06-01-2011, 02:49 PM

Treebeard.

Reminds me more of a carrot than a tree.

Edit: I see the image has been removed from the link I posted above... this is the same picture... let's hope it shows...

Aganzir · 05-01-2013, 07:26 AM

The Death of Boromir by the Brothers Gentile.

The longer I look at it, the more it amuses me.

Inziladun · 05-01-2013, 01:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aganzir

The Death of Boromir by the Brothers Gentile.

The longer I look at it, the more it amuses me.

What's Iggy Pop doing there in the back?

Galadriel55 · 05-02-2013, 05:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aganzir

The Death of Boromir by the Brothers Gentile.

The longer I look at it, the more it amuses me.

It reminds me of one of those optical illusions where you think it's going up but it's actually going down, or something of that sort. At first glance Boromir and Aragorn both seem to be looking at Legolas, but then you realize Aragorn is actually looking above Legolas' head, Legolas seems to look a bit in front of Boromir's head (but that's just the way his head is positioned), and Boromir doesn't seem to roll his eyes far enough to really see Legolas. And Gimli just stares off into space. Although... when I think of it, he is looking in the same direction as Aragorn.

I totally agree that the amusement increases with the time!

Aganzir · 05-02-2013, 07:13 AM

Yes, and it's also a classical Lamentation of Christ composition, with hints of St. Sebastian.

I don't know my art history well enough to tell if it's based on any particular painting, but Aragorn as Virgin Mary is definitely one of the funniest things about it.

Nerwen · 05-02-2013, 09:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aganzir

Yes, and it's also a classical Lamentation of Christ composition, with hints of St. Sebastian.

I don't know my art history well enough to tell if it's based on any particular painting, but Aragorn as Virgin Mary is definitely one of the funniest things about it.

But it's *intended* as a joke... right? Right???

07-30-2007, 01:10 AM	#1
Estelyn Telcontar Princess of Skwerlz Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: where the Sea is eastwards (WtR: 6060 miles) Posts: 7,500	Worst of Tolkien Art A link on the German Tolkien Society's forum lead me to a list of horrible paintings of Tolkien subjects. View and despair! "The horror" by aervir The exotic dancing Lúthien has to be the most ridiculous image I've seen so far. Perhaps some of you have seen more awful pictures to add to the list? __________________ 'Mercy!' cried Gandalf. 'If the giving of information is to be the cure of your inquisitiveness, I shall spend all the rest of my days in answering you. What more do you want to know?' 'The whole history of Middle-earth...'

07-30-2007, 02:40 AM	#2
Lalwendë A Mere Boggart Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: under the bed Posts: 4,737	Haha! Excellent! They have a traditional slideshow at Oxonmoot of art and illustration and it's very rude about some of the art, though they tend to pick on Alan Lee which aint fair - they never pick on Nasmith, who is always there, and who isn't always the best, as seen in those pics I hate the Bakshi and Hildebrandt Brothers' pictures of Hobbits - they should be burnt, they have produced the most lumpen, ugly, garden-gnome like undignified Hobbits. Ugh. And that Hildebrandt illustration of Aragorn & Arwen's wedding always makes me laugh - it looks like a Klan gathering. I quite like Roger Garland though - he's so trippy and his art comes out a bit like something disturbing by Bosch. __________________ Gordon's alive!

07-30-2007, 06:32 AM	#4
Morthoron Curmudgeonly Wordwraith Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Ensconced in curmudgeonly pursuits Posts: 2,509	Them thar' be some ghastly pictures, matey. I would elect #8 as the ghastliest. The reviewer caught the Pieta reference, but Boromir is modeled more on any one of several St. Sebastian portraits as well. And what's up with Aragorn as an old draq queen? #6 is obviously the Bolshoi version of Beren and Luthien. __________________ And your little sister's immaculate virginity wings away on the bony shoulders of a young horse named George who stole surreptitiously into her geography revision.

07-30-2007, 06:51 AM	#5
The Might Guard of the Citadel Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Oxon Posts: 2,205	Oh, what I really find amusing is the cover of a Tolkien calendar Parmastahir once showed me. Sauron looked like a strange radioactive cat, and Tolkien had been misspelled as Tolkein on the cover. Fortunately it wasn't used in any calendar. I looked at the link he posted, it was from Ebay, and it seems the picture of this work of art no longer is there. Maybe someone finds it on the net...really funny anyway. __________________ “The invisible and the non-existent look very much alike.” Delos B. McKown

08-02-2007, 02:41 PM	#7
Estelyn Telcontar Princess of Skwerlz Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: where the Sea is eastwards (WtR: 6060 miles) Posts: 7,500	Here's a Hildebrandt drawing that has Aragorn telling his fishing story: "And the one that got away was thiiiis big!" Aside from the horribly childlike Hobbits, the one thing that strikes me most is Aragorn's boottops - do tell me how a Ranger is supposed to move silently when his footwear is apt to snag on every twig?! And is this a depiction of Tolkien's version of the Holy Grail? __________________ 'Mercy!' cried Gandalf. 'If the giving of information is to be the cure of your inquisitiveness, I shall spend all the rest of my days in answering you. What more do you want to know?' 'The whole history of Middle-earth...'

07-30-2007, 06:19 AM	#3
narfforc Ghost Prince of Cardolan Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Muddy-earth Posts: 1,297	If a picture paints a thousand words........ ..........then these are mumbling. I have always hated the Hildebrant versions, and Garland does very little for me. Bakshi's Sam is probably one of the worst visually ever. I still think the best Gandalf was done by Caulty. I have seen that slideshow Lal and you are right....... __________________ [B]THE LORD OF THE GRINS:THE ONE PARODY....A PARODY BETTER THAN THE RINGS OF POWER.

07-30-2007, 11:55 AM	#6
davem Illustrious Ulair Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: In the home of lost causes, and forsaken beliefs, and unpopular names,and impossible loyalties Posts: 4,240	Here's one of Hurin the Barbarian http://img-fan.theonering.net/rolozo...hall/hurin.jpg __________________ “Everything was an object. If you killed a dwarf you could use it as a weapon – it was no different to other large heavy objects."

08-03-2007, 11:05 AM	#10
Aiwendil Late Istar Join Date: Mar 2001 Posts: 2,224	I honestly don't see what's so bad about the Hildebrandts' "Wedding of Aragorn and Arwen". Though most of the rest of those are quite bad. The worst is undoubtedly the "exotic dancer" Luthien. And while I'm generally a fan of Nasmith and a defender of Bakshi's movie, Ulmo and Sam are certainly not their respective strong points.

08-04-2007, 01:13 AM	#12
davem Illustrious Ulair Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: In the home of lost causes, and forsaken beliefs, and unpopular names,and impossible loyalties Posts: 4,240	The style I'm most uncomfortable with is the 'mighty thewed barbarian' - which I find borders on a fascistic, Ubermensch approach, & totally alien to Tolkien's creation. Conan always defeats the demons & monsters & attains victory through his physical strength & use of weapons. Turin, for example, is an inversion of the Ubermensch ideal. In fact Tolkien seems to be pointing up the stupidity & falsity of such an 'ideal' in the real world. The image of Hurin I linked to earlier is a classic example of everything Tolkien's work condemns. I recall an interview with one of the editors at Harper Collins discussing Alan Lee's M-e work. She stated that she preferred Lee's work to that of other Tolkien artists, because too many depictions of Tolkien's characters had them looking directly at us, but she felt that that was wrong, & that the 'view' should be the other way - we should gaze into their world, they shouldn't look out into ours. I take her point. We're looking at a world long gone & he imagery should reflect that - those beings & places have long since passed from the world. The imagery shouldn't be 'dynamic', or make us feel the events are happening 'now'. 'For God's sake, let us sit upon the ground & tell sad stories of the death of Kings'. In Tolkien's tales we are looking back on things that happened before recorded history, & its essential that that mood is communicated by the artist - M-e is not another world in which events are happening 'now', but this world many, many ages past. That's why Baynes' & Juchimov's illustrations (& Eric Fraser's 'woodcut' style illustrations for the Folio Society Hobbit & LotR) work so well for me. (I think this is why I especially disliked the movie characters' regular lapses into contemporary idiom - nothing about M-e should feel 'modern': it should always feel 'old' & long past. Perhaps this is why dramatisation can't really work as well as reading or hearing the story......) __________________ “Everything was an object. If you killed a dwarf you could use it as a weapon – it was no different to other large heavy objects." Last edited by davem; 08-04-2007 at 02:46 AM.

10-03-2009, 02:55 PM	#14
Mnemosyne Ghost Prince of Cardolan Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Between the past and the future Posts: 1,159	Just tried to bring this up again and found out the original journal link is dead. PORQUE????!!?? __________________ Got corsets?

10-04-2009, 10:45 AM	#15
Lindale Ghost Prince of Cardolan Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: midway upon... in a forest dark Posts: 975	No biggie, Mnemosyne; key in "Luthien" in google images, and endless images of this will... at the very least, make you go "omigosh." __________________ The heart does things for reasons Reason itself cannot comprehend. - Blaise Pascal Legal Madness.

10-04-2009, 03:23 PM	#17
Gwathagor Shade with a Blade Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: A Rainy Night In Soho Posts: 2,512	Gondor has no pants...Gondor needs no pants... __________________ Stories and songs.

06-01-2011, 02:49 PM	#19
Galadriel55 Blossom of Dwimordene Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: The realm of forgotten words Posts: 10,401	Treebeard. Reminds me more of a carrot than a tree. Edit: I see the image has been removed from the link I posted above... this is the same picture... let's hope it shows... __________________ You passed from under darkened dome, you enter now the secret land. - Take me to Finrod's fabled home!... ~ Finrod: The Rock Opera Last edited by Galadriel55; 06-13-2011 at 07:59 PM.

05-01-2013, 07:26 AM	#20
Aganzir Woman of Secret Shadow Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: in hollow halls beneath the fells Posts: 4,511	The Death of Boromir by the Brothers Gentile. The longer I look at it, the more it amuses me. __________________ He bit me, and I was not gentle.

05-02-2013, 07:13 AM	#23
Aganzir Woman of Secret Shadow Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: in hollow halls beneath the fells Posts: 4,511	Yes, and it's also a classical Lamentation of Christ composition, with hints of St. Sebastian. I don't know my art history well enough to tell if it's based on any particular painting, but Aragorn as Virgin Mary is definitely one of the funniest things about it. __________________ He bit me, and I was not gentle.

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