Middle Earth Idol

[Valesse]

The world as we know it today was created by the music of the Ainur which the elves believe is still echoed in Ulmo's domain. Its an ever changing sound which reflects our lives under the will of mighty Iluvatar. But, with the Valar in Valanor, we are left with the trilling of Elves, the ballads of Men, the marches of Dwarves, the jingles of Halflings, and perhaps even a few lymmerics from wayward Uruk Hai. We are now in search for the next great music of all Arda. Who will be the next Middle Earth Idol?

To help us with our search, three judges have been brought in to vote off, give insight, and to push our contestants to new lengths. They are (in no certain order) Sleepy Cowell, Wilwa Abdul, and Glirdy Jackson. As your host, "Vala Seacrest", I will be in charge of giving interviews and moving the competition along through narration. The rules reflect the same guidelines exhibited in the television show, however that does not give me any reason NOT to post them along with this fabulous introduction.

RULES:
- As many members may enter the competition at the beginning of the season, but after the semi-finals begin there may be no more entries until the next competition at which point anyone can enter once more.
- The preliminary competition will be controlled soully on the judge's opinions.
- Only 24 contestants will be allowed into the semi-finals. This is when "Middle Earth" can start voting for their favorite preformers under the direction of the host.
- Only 12 will advance in the finals.
- Preformances during this stage will be under the direction of certain themes which will be decided upon by the panel. The preformers will have a set amount of time to decide what song (lyrics) to preform in accordance to this new obligation.
- One attempt (I don't like using that word in this context, but its the only one I can think of to fit) per person per round, please.

HOW TO ENTER:
- Post the lyrics of a song of your choice during the preliminaries. Please make it relavent to the Tolkien world. (This my be done in many ways such as referances, original songs*, or similar situations, or parodying, twisting lines and such.) *From Tolkien. Please name the real band and the real song and also note how you plan to sing the song (you can sing a pop song with a rocky tune, its your call). And also name a Tolkien character in whose voice you will sing the song.
- Please bold your name in your entry post for clarity.
- You will be informed if you have advanced to the next round... so there is nothing more that you have to worry about until that time.

Originally Posted by Entry Example

My name is Sleepy Ranger and I'm from Corellia, I'll be singing Mr. Brightside by The Killers. (Soft rock; Pippin Voice)

I'm coming out of my hole
And I’ve been doing just fine
Gotta gotta gotta be down
Because I want it all
It started out with a ring
How did it end up like this
It was only a ring, it was only a ring
Now I’m falling to twilight
And she’s calling a dragon
While he’s having smoke
And she’s taking a drag
Now they’re going to bed
And my stomach is sick
And it’s all in my head
But she’s touching his-chest
Now, he takes off her dress
Now, let us go

I just can’t look its killing me
And taking control
Jealousy, turning elves into the sea
Swimming through sick lullabies
Choking on your alibis
But it’s just the price I pay
Destiny is calling me
Open up my eager eyes
‘Cause I’m Mr Baggins

I'm coming out of my hole
And I’ve been doing just fine
Gotta gotta gotta be down
Because I want it all
It started out with a ring
How did it end up like this
It was only a ring, it was only a ring
Now I’m falling to twilight
And she’s calling a dragon
While he’s having smoke
And she’s taking a drag
Now they’re going to bed
And my stomach is sick
And it’s all in my head
But she’s touching his-chest
Now, he takes off her dress
Now, let us go

I just can’t look its killing me
And taking control
Jealousy, turning elves into the sea
Swimming through sick lullabies
Choking on your alibi
But it’s just the price I pay
Destiny is calling me
Open up my eager eyes
‘Cause I’m Mr Baggins

To Mordor...
To Mordor...
To Mordor...

VOTING:
- Since there will be no voting at the beginning of the competition, the directions for sending votes will come later with the change of the round.

[Valesse]

So that you might better be able to understand our judges, provided are some brief profiles of their illustrious accomplishments in the Middle Earth music industry:

Sleepy Cowell's honesty on Middle-Earth Idol has made him a household name in Middle-Earth. Cowell’s UL-based production company, AMCO, has just finished production of Season 2 of the No. 1 entertainment show in the UL, “The Silmaril-Factor,” which began airing in the UL in the Third Age, with Cowell executive-producing and starring. In the Third Age, Cowell’s book “I Don’t Mean to Be Rude, But....” hit the stands, detailing behind-the-scenes information about Middle-Earth Idol.

A 20-year veteran of the music industry, Cowell is an executive with BMG (Bilbo’s Music Group) Records. He has helped to shape the modern pop music industry. Over the last 15 years his acts have achieved sales of more than 100 million albums, and he has had over 50 No. 1 records. His most recent discovery is the pop-opera quartet Il Elven, whose debut album has sold over 5 million copies around the world and has entered into the top 5 in 23 countries. The UL version of Middle-Earth Idol, “Immortal Idol,” is where Cowell became a celebrity in his own right.

-

Wilwa Abdul’s music career encompasses ardawide album sales exceeding 30 million records, two No. 1 albums, six No. 1 singles, a Gimli Award, seven MEV(Middle Earth Vidoes) Awards, two Elfy Awards, two Elves' Choice Awards and two Hobbits’ Choice Awards. She has also been honored with a star on Minas Tirith Boulevard and inducted into Hobbiton's Hobbits’ Choice Hall of Fame.

Contestants and viewers alike praise Abdul’s positive feedback on MIDDLE-EARTH IDOL. She has even designed inspirational good-luck jewelry for the IDOL contestants. Abdul designs a jewelry collection called “Innergy,” consisting of handmade gold and silver pendants and rings. She also has designed a line of cheerleading attire and dancewear for young hobbit girls and she-elves called “Skirtz,” inspired by her own dance and cheer career.

-

Glirdy Jackson is a Doriath Award-winning producer and a 20-year music industry veteran. He started his music career at the age of 1300 playing the saxophone, which led to playing with the band Journey Home. For eight years, he was the vice president of A&R at Gondolin Records, followed by four years as senior vice president of A&R at MT(Minas Tirith) Records. Jackson has recorded, toured and performed with the likes of Luthien Tinuviel, Daeron, Maglor and many more unpopular groups.

Jackson has worked on over 1,000 gold and multi-platinum albums. His contributions have helped to sell over 200 million albums worldwide. With his talent, immense studio knowledge and performing, touring and record company experience, he is one of today’s most highly regarded music industry experts.

[Mithalwen]

"Flowers in the Window", travis, Eowyn in the (vocal) style of Mama Cass - ie folksy but in tune

When I first held you I was cold
A broken ice queen I was told
But there was no-one there to hold
Before I swore that I would be alone forever more
Wow, look at you now
Flowers in the window
It’s such a lovely day
And I’m glad that you feel the same
’cos to stand up I’m in the crowd
You are one in a million
And I love you so let’s watch the flowers grow
There is no reason to feel bad
But there are many seasons to feel glad, sad, mad
It’s just a bunch of feelings that we have to hold
But I am here to help you with the load
Wow, look at you now
Flowers in the window
It’s such a lovely day
And I’m glad that you feel the same
’cos to stand up I’m in the crowd
You are one in a million
And I love you so let’s watch the flowers grow
So now we’re here and now is fine
So far away from there
And there is time, time, time
To plant new seeds and watch them grow
So there’ll be flowers in the window when we go
Wow, look at you now
Flowers in the window
It’s such a lovely day
And I’m glad that you feel the same
’cos to stand up I’m in the crowd
You are one in a million
And I love you so let’s watch the flowers grow
Wow, look at you now
Flowers in the window
It’s such a lovely day
And I’m glad that you feel the same
’cos to stand up I’m in the crowd
You are one in a million
And I love you so let’s watch the flowers grow
Let’s watch the flowers grow

[JennyHallu]

I'm Jen from Georgia, and I'll be singing "Eye in the Sky" by the Alan Parsons Project, in Sauron's voice (smoldering temptor Arratar-mode, no less)

Don’t think sorry’s easily said
Don’t try turning tables instead
You’ve taken lots of chances before
But I’m not gonna give anymore
Don’t ask me
That’s how it goes
Cause part of me knows what you’re thinkin’

Don’t say words you’re gonna regret
Don’t let the fire rush to your head
I’ve heard the accusation before
And I ain’t gonna take any more
Believe me
The sun in my eyes
Made some of my lies worth believing


I am the eye in the sky
Looking at you
I can read your mind
I am the maker of rules
Dealing with fools
I can cheat you blind
And I don’t need to see any more
To know that
I can read your mind, I can read your mind

Don’t leave false illusions behind
Don’t cry cause I ain’t changing my mind
I'll find another fool like before
Cause you ain’t gonna live anymore believing
Some of the lies while all of the signs are deceiving


I am the eye in the sky
Looking at you
I can read your mind
I am the maker of rules
Dealing with fools
I can cheat you blind
And I don’t need to see any more
To know that
I can read your mind, I can read your mind

[Sleepy Ranger]

Mithalwen

Mithalwen, first I'll say that though that was nowhere near as good as the original it was however, a brilliant way to start off this competition. Now I don't want to fool you into thinking you have what it takes to go all the way but with a bit of work I think you may actually give the other contestants something to worry about.

Its a reluctant yes from me but a yes none the less.

JennyHallu

What was that? Weren't you informed that this is a singing competition not a screaming one? Now don't get me wrong, you have a good voice and you can definately hit those hight notes but I don't think thats the right kind of voice for this competition. However, since I like your voice I'll ask you to give us thirty seconds of something else before I give you my judgement.

[JennyHallu]

Off-topic: Sleepy, have you ever listened to APP? Tuneful balladeers...

Something else?

Hmm...Well I did have this prepared...By Tom T. Hall, in a cheerful, thoughtful, Pippin voice.

In some of my songs I have casually mentioned,
The fact that I like to drink beer.
Now this little song is more to the point.
Roll out the barrel and lend me your ears.

• I like beer. It makes me a jolly good fellow.
  I like beer. It helps me unwind,
  Sometimes it makes me feel mellow.
  (Makes him feel mellow.)
  Whiskey's too rough, elf-wine costs too much,
  An' that ent draught puts my mouth in gear.
  This little refrain should help me explain,
  As a matter of fact I like beer.
  (He likes beer.)
  

My wife often frowns when we're out on the town,
An' I'm wearing a waistcoat and tie.
She's sipping vermouth and she thinks I'm uncouth,
When I yell as the waiter goes by.

• Hey, I like beer. It makes me a jolly good fellow.
  I like beer. It helps me unwind,
  Sometimes it makes me feel mellow.
  (Makes him feel mellow.)
  Whiskey's too rough, elf-wine costs too much,
  An' that ent-draught puts my mouth in gear.
  This little refrain should help me explain,
  As a matter of fact I like beer.
  (He likes beer.)
  

Now, last night I dreamed that I passed from the scene,
I went to a place so sublime.
The water was clear and it tasted like beer.
They turned it all into wine.

• Hey, I like beer. It makes me a jolly good fellow.
  I like beer. It helps me unwind,
  Sometimes it makes me feel mellow.
  (Makes him feel mellow.)
  Whiskey's too rough, elf-wine costs too much,
  An' that ent-draught puts my mouth in gear.
  This little refrain should help me explain,
  As a matter of fact I like beer.
  
  Yes we like beer.
  Yes we like beer.
  

[Sleepy Ranger]

JennyHallu

Beer? After hearing that I most definately could use some but now then I like how you can keep your voice well and controlled, you definately have talent. Your first song was a 'so what?' performance but this one was better. Now not for a second do I think that I'll see you in the Top 12 but for now, its a yes from me.

---
Yes, I've heard a couple of their songs however I haven't heard the one you sang.

[Nogrod]

Entry Nogrod

My name is Chameleon (or Nogrod? Others haven't thus far used an artist-name, although Valesse's introduction kind of pointed to that direction?), and I will be performing a kind of Beren's and Lúthien's duetto, sang to Aragorn and Arwen. The original is by Leonard Cohen, based on a poem by Federico Garcia Lorca "Take This Waltz". The style might be of a more immaterial-kind: so no Leonard Cohen's roughness (and that astounding bass!), but still some street-credibility with life vs. eternity -stuff. I'll change my voice in between the stanzas, and the duetto will be kind of "throat-singing" - Siberian style.

Oh, I come from very far away from anywhere... and thought of just performing the first two stanzas + chorus, for you would stop me before the end anyways.

Lúthien-part:
Now in your heart there's a place for just one,
Your’s is the shoulder that death comes to claim.
There’s a journey of nine hundred choices,
There’s a tree, with which the hope might just die.
There’s an elf that was torn from her kind,
And she hangs on the balance of your deeds.
Ay - Ay, Ay, Ay
Take this war, take this war.
Take this war with the clamp of your line.

Beren-part:
I want you, I want you, I want you,
On the throne of a yet dead realm.
In the shade of the tree with King’s-weed,
In hallways where love’s never been.
On a bed that Maiar has been guarding,
In a cry filled with footsteps and pain.
Ay - Ay, Ay, Ay
Take this war, take this war.
Take her broken soul into your palm.

Together: (throat-singing mode = dual voice)
This war, this war, this war, this war.
With your very own thread of loving and death,
Dragging her kin overseas.

[wilwarin538]

Mithalwen
That usually isn't my type of music, not something I would willingly to listen to, but I think you did a great job. You have potential in this tounament. I say yes.

JennyHalu
Don't mind Sleepy, he's just in a bad mood, you'll get used to it. I think your first performance was brilliant, very creative and fun. Your second song just showed me that you are good at changing your voice, great talent. A yes from me.

Nogrod
All I can say is that that was amazing, I was almost in tears, its sounds so sad, but still very beautiful. yes, yes, yes

[The Saucepan Man]

Er, good evening judges. And may I say how lovely you are looking tonight , Wilwa Abdul. So much more presentable than than that old witch, Sharon Sackville-Osborne that we have on Shire Idol.

My name is The Saucepan Man. And I would like to sing for you a number from my very own back catalogue here on the Downs*. The song is Gimli's Mighty Axe and I shall be singing it in the style of of that well known Dwarfish combo from the Third Age, Sergeant Bifur's Lonely Mountain Club Band (ie late 2960s, slightly whimsical).

Down in Khazad-Dum, the Fellowship all hear the boom of drumming in the deep,
Orcs approach the Tomb of Balin oh oh oh oh.
Gimli Gloin’s son, waiting for to give them some, feigns a mighty sweep,
He’s looking forward to breaking some Orcish bo-o-o-ones.
And as they all pour through the door, a blade swings through the air.
Chop chop Gimli’s mighty axe came down upon their heads,
Chop chop Gimli’s mighty axe made sure that they were dead.

Now we’re at a tense moment on the battlements, Rohan’s under threat,
Uruk hordes advance on Helm’s Deep oh oh oh oh.
Gimli and Legolas are adamant that none shall pass, so they make a bet,
Who will claim the greatest number of fo-o-o-oes?
So with a cry of Baruk Khazâd, the Dwarf’s headcount begins,
Chop chop Gimli’s mighty axe came down upon their heads,
Chop chop Gimli’s mighty axe left two and forty dead.

The heir of Isildur is heading for the Pelennor. Gimli’s there again.
Sailing up the Anduin river oh oh oh oh.
Imrahil and Eomer seeing now the newcomers think all hope is gone.
The black sails of the Corsairs tell them so-o-o-o.
But as the White Tree unfurls, their hearts are filled with joy,
Chop chop Gimli’s mighty axe once more found Orcish heads,
Chop chop Gimli’s mighty axe made sure that they were dead.

Thank you.

* ie something shamelessly cut and pasted from another thread ...

[Glirdan]

Mithalwen
You're lucky dog, because even if I said no, you'd still be moving on to the next round. However, I was going to say yes anyway. Definetly have talent but I don't think you'll make it all the way to the top twelve. You still got a shot though.

Jenny
If I was to base my judging on that first song I would have gone out and gotten ear plugs dude. It sucked. But you're lucky because you got that second chance and showed us what you can really do. Good job!

Nogrod
That was such a good song and I loved how you were able to switch pitches and still stay in control. It's a yes for me dude!!

Saucy
Your bass voice awsome dude. You've got a set of lungs! I'm going to say yes. Let me say this though, if you make it through, please show us the range that you can sing in.

[Sleepy Ranger]

Nogrod

Time for the truth. I did not like that at all, you have talent but you're lacking that thing. You know, the one we like to call x-factor. I'm giving you a no but it doesn't matter since you're through anyway. Now don't get me wrong I'm not trying to be rude but I did not like that one bit, I believe you may have something up your sleeve I'm waiting till you pull it out. You haven't convinced me.

Saucepanman

It looks like our views differ once again. I'll admit it, you can sing but what is up with those clothes? If you want to be taken seriously as a competitor then those pans have got to go, their clanking detracts from your singing. But regardless, its a yes, you're going through to the next round.

[wilwarin538]

Saucepanman
Thank you very much Saucie, how sweet of you. I agree about that Sharon, no fashion sense whatsoever. Very interesting song, I enjoyed it, yes from me. Oh and Sleepy is wrong, your pans are great, probably will be the new in thing.

[THE Ka]

Good day Ladies and Gentlemen, my name is Ka and I am going to be performing a variation of What Difference Does it Make? by those lovely boys, The Smiths. As to stay true to the unique individualism of Mr(s). Morrissey and Marr and honor them as such, I will include the original moves and Galdioli performance. I will be sure to keep it in original sly tone of Morrissey with a hint of Melkor and Sauron's sinister ways, as always.


All Valar have secrets and here is mine,
So let it be known,
For we have been through Oaths and High tide,
I think I can rely on you ...
And yet you start to recoil,
Heavy words are so lightly thrown,
But still I’d leap in front of Tulka’s wrath for you...

So, what difference does it make?
So, what difference does it make?
It makes none, ah
But now you have gone, ah
And you must be looking very old tonight...

The Dark Lord will find work for idle hands to do,
I stole and I lied, and why?
Because you asked me to!
But now you make me feel so ashamed,
Because I’ve only got two hands,
Well, I’m still fond of you,
oh-ho-oh

So, what difference does it make?
Oh, what difference does it make?
Oh, it makes none, ah
But now you have gone, ah
And your illusion won’t keep you warm tonight...

Oh ...
Oh, the Dark Lord will find work for idle hands to do,
I stole, and then I lied,
Just because you asked me to...
But now you know the truth about me,
You won’t see me anymore,
Well, I’m still fond of you,
oh-ho-oh

But no more apologies,
No, no more apologies,
Oh, ’cause I’m too tired,
I’m so sick and tired, oh,
And I’m feeling very weak and ill today, oh,
But I’m still fond of you,
oh-ho-oh

Oh, my sacred one ...
Oh ...

Thank you...

Tosses Gladioli and quietly walks off stage...

[Glirdan]

Ka
Wow! That was great!! You've got such a great bass voice! There's absoultely nothing in that performance that I can put down. I say yes!

[Sleepy Ranger]

Ka

Well uh, yes, uh, ahem. I, uh... uh... ahem... This is a singing competition not a dancing competition. But anyway whatever Glirdy said, I'm giving you a yes which means we'll be seeing you again, welcome to the next round.

[wilwarin538]

Ka
What they said. *points to the male judges*

[Alcarillo]

*ahem* My name is Alcarillo, I'm from Harlindon. Ever since I was only a tiny child all I've ever wanted to do in life was to sing. I've spent thousands of dollars on my own vocal coach and I practice everyday. I am the next Middle-earth Idol.

I will be singing "You're Beautiful", by the famous minstrel James Blunt, in the voice of the famous dwarf hero Gimli on the night he famously drank his record ten barrels of beer. I'm told by my vocal coach that it's a very beautiful and misunderstood style.

*cough, cough*

My axe is brilliant
My love is pure
I saw a Maia
Of that I'm sure
She smiled at me on the Silverlode
She was with a guy called Silver-Tree
But I won't lose any sleep tonight
'Cause I've got her hairs three.

You're beautiful, you're beautiful
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw you're face in a tree-filled place
And I don't know what to do
…um…um…just a moment

*Alcarillo removes a badly crumpled piece of paper from his pocket, reads it quickly, then resumes singing*

'Cause I'll never be with you.

Yeah, she caught my eye
As we paddled by
And she could see from my face that I was
Flying high!
And I don't think that I'll see her again,
But we shared a moment that will last till the end.

You're beautiful, you're beautiful-

*Alcarillo is stopped by the judges before he can finish*

[Sleepy Ranger]

Alcarillo

You're beautiful? More like you're pathetic. I don't mean to be rude when I say this but you were appalling, pathetic, out of tune and well worse than terrible. In fact I'd say that there aren't enough adjectives to describe how bad that was. Take my advice, forget about singing, you can't do any.

Its a no from me.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

*cough* Well, hello... erm... yes. I bring before you a song of such... erm... good... that it may just cause a stomach ulcers to the listeners... yes.
My name is... *reads card* Hookbill the Goomba. I've never been a good singer (or anything else for that matter), but I know a few things about captions... that can't be too different... can it?
*Silence*
... yes...
I'm going to sing that old song: Too Old to Rock and Roll, Too Young to Die by Jethro Tull. In the voice of Merriadoc Brandybuck. Lyrics may be slightly (read: Very) changed.

***

Too Old to go to War, Too Young to die

(a-1, a-2, a-1,2,3,4!)

The old Ranger wore his hair too long,
Wore his trouser cuffs too tight.
Unfashionable to the end drank his ale too light.
Gondor's belt buckle: yesterday's dreams
The transport caf' prophet of doom.
Ringing no change in his Long shanks seems
In his post-war-ring gloom.

Now he's too o- o- old to to go to wa- wa- war but he's too young to die.

He once owned a Horse, "Davidson", and a big shiny sword.
Counted his friends in greasy Bree inns
And prays that he always will.
But he's the last of the king's blood Gondor boys
All of his mates are doing time:
Married with three kids up by the west road
Sold their souls straight down the line.

And some of them own little horses
And meet at the tennis club do's.
For drinks on a Sunday work on Monday.
They've thrown away their shields and spears.

Now they're too o- o- old to go to wa- wa- War and they're too young to die.

So the old Ranger gets out his horse
To make a ton before he takes his leave.
Up on the green way by Shire Corner
Just like it used to be.
And as he flies tears in his eyes
His wind-whipped words echo the final take
And he hits the east road doing around 120
With no room left to brake.

And he was too o- o- old to go to Wa- wa- War but he was too young to die.

No, you're never too o- o- old to go to wa- wa- War if you're too young to die!

But he was too young... to Die!!

*Gun shot*

[Glirdan]

Alcarillo
I'm sorry dude, but that didn't work for me. The worst part was when you took out that piece of paper because you forgot the words. Dude, if you can't remember words, you can't be on this show. It's a no dude.

[Sleepy Ranger]

Hookbill

Hello Hookbill, I like you, you know that? It doesn't matter if you think you're a good singer or not, what matters is what I think. And I think you're good enough to go far, you've got a career waiting out there somewhere but with the way you sing right now that could be several years away. However its just one song, its a yes from me but you have to promise me you're going to try your hardest to improve.

[Glirdan]

Hookbill
Considering you've had no vocal experience, I must say that was pretty good. It was, by far, not the best I've heard so far but you do have skill and you do have that (as Cowell says it) have that x-factor. It's a yes from me dog.

[wilwarin538]

Alcarillo
I'm so sorry Alcarilo, but I just don't think you have what it takes in this competition. You seem sweet but if you can't remember words to the songs you sing you wouldn't do well in this competition. Sorry hun, but its a no.

Hookbill
Do people in this competition all have terrible memories?! You couldn't remember your name! You seem like a nice guy Hookbill but you're to shy and you had to read your name from a card, I'm afraid it has to be a no from me. Sorry.

[Sleepy Ranger]

He looks over at Wiwa with his mouth half-open. "Did she just say no?" He shakes his head at Wilwa dis-believingly "Wilwa Abdul said no while Randy and I said yes... this has got to be a first!" Just for the heck of it he picks up his glass of water and splashes it on Wilwa.

[Alcarillo]

*Alcarillo storms out of the audition room*

They'll be sorry! One day they'll hear my music everywhere and they'll be sorry they didn't say yes! I'll be bigger than Elfin John, bigger than Aredhel Franklin! You'll see my name up in lights and you'll say "Dang! Why didn't we say yes to Alcarillo." Those guys made a big mistake, I'm telling you! A big mistake! They'll see one day! A big mistake!

*Alcarillo is escorted out the doors by security guards*

[Valesse]

*raises eyebrows at Alcarillo*

The pressure was rising as the week went on in Bree, as well as the dead. Not far away the Barrowdowns were being devved for ancient talent as well as bizzare yet highly fashionable ornamentations. Some of the citizens of Bree were shocked at the sight of a fully grown man adorning his head a sauce pan... ..His gimmicy attire did not put-off the judges, however, and he among many others advanced to the semi-finals when several other contestants' dreams were crushed...

[Elu Ancalime]

This is parody'd from Dana Lyons Cows With Guns. Some of it is left original. It is now a myth/song that dwarves sing in while the work in their mines. It is the legend about how the the Kine of Araw rebelled against the Easterlings.

Sung by an old veteran who has "seen everything" in a kind of raspy, low voice, in A Minor. The stanzas look really weird unless you know the phrasing. Heres a link to hear the original song and a free flash video to go with it. This is the flash video to hear the tune.

The Great Kine Uprising
arranged and vocalized by Elu Ancalime

Fat and docile, big and dumb
They roam in the grass, they shade in the Sun
Kine aren't fun


They eat to grow, grow to die
Die to be ate by those Easterling guys
Kine well done

When the Kine were hunted, it was the end of their day
But then one came to save them, it was.....Orome.
Savior's Come

He found the last herd, and none of them knew
That the Balcoth were coming, and Wainriders too
Kine doldrums

He declared they must fight, escape or they'll die
The Kine gathered around, cause the steaks were too high
Bad cow pun

The oxen were rallied, like a cattle supernova
They charged into battle at the sound of the Valaroma
Kine with Guns

But then one was captured, stuffed into a grate
Loaded onto a wain where he rode to his fate
Kine got bummed

He was a scrawny calf, but he had sharp teeth
They were so powerful, he should have had a sheath
Shelob's Son

The bolts were all rusty, so he bit them all hard
He could have killed a dragon, and shamed the King Bard
Cow well hung

Knocked over the wain and ran for the hills
The strength he showed could have powered six mills
Run Kine run!

He borrowed the Valaroma, and called all his kind:
"We are free roving bovines, we are the Kine"

We will fight for Kelvar freedom
And hold our large heads high
We will run free with the Uruk-hai, or die
Kine with Guns

They crashed the gate in a great stampede
It was the Easterling capital, and their Seed and Feed
Kine have fun

Orome piled Wains in a heap
Covered in cow pies, covered up deep
Much cow dung

Black smoke rising, darkening the day
Everyone stopped to watch, even Melkor and Manwe

We will fight for Kelvar freedom
And hold our large heads high
We will run free with the Uruk-hai, or
Kine with guns

Then Sauron said "Enough is enough
These uppity cattle, its time to get tough"
Cow dung flung

The Mouth told all, Rhun sighed with relief
Tomorrow at noon, they would all be ground beef
Kine on buns

The Kine were surrounded, orcs were on their way
Now they needed another savior,
But only Gandalf the Grey
Kine out gunned

The order was given to kill, by Sauron's evil seagull
The only one worried was poor little Smeagol
But on the West wind, they saw something regal

It was thier deliverence from Mandos; it was Wizards-on Eagles
________
MAC GAMES

[Sleepy Ranger]

Elu Ancalime

That was a bland performance in my opinion. It was a good song, you can sing but you lack the presentation. There was no life in that song it was like 'so what?'. Granted people may like you when they hear you but they'll neither remember you nor the song, I won't be surprised if a month from now somebody says, "Hey, remember that Elu guy from Middle-Earth Idol?" and get a "Who?" in return. Anyway I'll let it pass for now since I'm in a good mood. You're a lucky man, its a yes.

[Valesse]

Unfortunately, with great opprotunity comes great heartbreak... something that this particular contestant found out the hard way during today's auditions. We caught up with him after the security officers removed him from the competition hall.

-

Do you think the judges' ruling was fair? Why?

Originally Posted by Alcarillo

The judges were absolutely not fair. Everybody tells me I have a beautiful voice, and that's what the judges heard. But they still turned me down. So what I forgot a few lines? I was nervous. My vocal coach says that those judges must not know what singing is if they said no to me. Just listen.
My axe is brilliant
My love is pure-

--Thats quite alright, Alcarillo, I'm sure you have a truely terrorific voice... but we..er..uh have a Mt. Zoom commercial coming up soon... so theres no time for any of that. Next Question!

Is there anything else you'd like to say to our judges?

I'd like to tell the judges that they must be crazy not to let me through to the next round. My voice is far more beautiful than any of the voices they said yes to. Those judges made the biggest mistake of their careers not saying yes to me. They'll be sorry! One day I'll be famous!

...Thank you for your time, Alcarillo.

[Elu Ancalime]

Thank you Sleepy Cowell. Perhaps it comes off as tacky at first, but it is truly an epic and a lad's tale at the same time. It should have put a grand image in ones mind.
________
Variable Universal Life Insurance Forum

[Glirdan]

Elu
Dog, that wasn't the best performance I've heard but it wasn't that bad either dog. I'll say yes for now, but I can't promise anything else dude.

[Elu Ancalime]

Well, you know what they say, save the best for last...
________
Alar

[Formendacil]

Originally Posted by Valesse

... but we..er..uh have a Mt. Zoom commercial coming up soon... so theres no time for any of that. Next Question!

*A panoramic scene of a rocky, yet magnificent landscape. The unnaturally perfect man and woman- and their precocious kids- look out over it, then back at their tiny little Austin Mini.*

VOICEOVER: "Ever feel that your car's too small? Ever wonder if you should upgrade?"

*Images shift to a white background, with Mt. Zoom circling slowly in the middle, showing off its features*

VOICEOVER: The all new, 2006 Mt. Zoom is loaded with special features like power windows and seven-disk CD players. Expanded from the 2005 model to include more seats for the whole family, and a second Crack of Zoom.

*Image shifts to Mt. Zoom's interior. The unnaturally good-looking Mom and Dad are smiling as Dad takes the wheel. The kids roar in delight as Mt. Zoom takes off into the craggy, yet gorgeous, landscape beyond.

VOICEOVER: Now available from all Goomba Motors dealerships, for a limited time only.

[wilwarin538]

Elu
Interesting, very interesting. I suppose I will give you a yes, though I don't know how long you'll last. But who knows, you could surprise us.

Nice commercial Formendacil!

[Formendacil]

Originally Posted by wilwarin538

Nice commercial Formendacil!

Those who can't sing do commericial voiceovers...

Stay tuned for other Barrow-Downs Products...

And now, welcome back to another ten commercial-free minutes of "Middle-Earth Idol", sponsored by Goomba Motors.

[Legolas in spandex]

Hey, I'm Legolas in Spandex( from the middle of nowhere)and I'm singing Pour Some Sugar on Me by Def leppard in the voice of Legolas.

Clark/Collen/Elliott/Lange/Savage)
Step inside (Walk this way)
You and me babe (Hey, hey!)
Hey! Hey! Hey!
Huh!


My hair's like a bomb, baby, c'mon, try it on
Livin' like a ranger with a bad-assed bow
Lookin' like a tramp, Aragorn took off and ran
Pretty elven woman can I be your man?
(Be your man)
Hey! Hey!
Razzle 'n' a dazzle 'n' a flash a little light
The moon's a shinin', Arwen go all night
Sometime, anytime, sugar me sweet
Little miss elvish innocence, sugar me sweet
Hey!
C'mon


(BRIDGE)
Take a bottle
Shake it up
Break the bubble
Break it up


(CHORUS)
(Pour some sugar on me)
Ooh, in the name of love
(Pour some sugar on me)
C'mon fire me up
(Pour your sugar on me)
Oh, I can't get enough


I'm hot, sticky sweet from my head to my boots yeah
Hey! Hey! Hey!
(Huh!)


Listen!
Red light, yellow light, green-a-light go!
Crazy little she-elf in a one man show
Mirror queen, mannequin, rhythm of love
Sweet dream, saccharine, loosen up
(Loosen up) I loosen up
You gotta squeeze a little, squeeze a little, tease a little more
Easy Elrond come a knockin'on my door
Sometime, anytime, sugar me sweet
Little miss elven innocence sugar me, yeah
(Yeah!)
Give a little more


repeat BRIDGE

repeat CHORUS

I'm hot, sticky sweet from my head to my feet yeah

SOLO

(You got the peaches, I got the cream)
Sweet to taste (Saccharine)
'Cos I'm hot (Hot!)
So hot
Sticky sweet from my head
(Head!) My head
(Head to my boots)
To my boots
Do you take sugar?
One lump or two?


Take a bottle (Take a bottle)
Shake it up (Shake it up)
Break the bubble
Break it up (Break it up)


repeat CHORUS

(Pour some sugar on me)
Oh, in the name of love
(Pour some sugar on me)
Get all, come get it
(Pour your sugar on me)
Ooh
(Pour some sugar on me)
Yeah!
Sugar me!

[Alcarillo]

*A man wearing a trenchcoat and a moustache-and-glasses disguise enters the room*

Um, hello, my name is Alc- I mean Steve. My name is Steve, and I will be singing a variation of John Blunt's You're Beautiful.

My axe is brilliant
My love is pure
I saw a Maia
Of that I'm sure
She smiled at me on the Silverlode-

*At this point in the song, security arms burst through the door. "Get 'im!" they shout, and they wrestle Alc- I mean Steve, to the floor. After removing the trenchcoat and disguise, it is revealed that Steve is none other than Alcarillo himself.*

I'll show you all! I'll be famous one day! You're making the biggest mistake of your careers! You'll be sorry! A big mistake, I tell ya!

*The security guards push Alcarillo out the door*

[Sleepy Ranger]

Legolas In Spandex

What was that? That sounded so juvenille and pathetic. I think you're five years too young for this competition. I really doubt you'll get anywhere with that voice but I'll give you some advice, grow up, take some singing lessons and then think about becoming a singer.

Its a no from me.

Al... I mean Steve

I actually liked this performance. Its a yes from me.

[wilwarin538]

Legolas In Spandex
I'm not to sure about that one. It's an interesting song but I don't think it went very well with your voice. But the fact that you could sing lead and back up at the same time convinced me that I should let you have another chance. So I'm saying yes.

I agree with Sleepy, your performance has improved Alcarillo. I'll change my no to a yes.