[the phantom]

The Underground
Fundin Ironpike

MORIA – Dwarves through the ages have always had mixed reactions to Arda Cup and football in general. Across the board they show reverence for the architectural wonders that the sport has yielded, and participated in the design and building of many stadiums, but more than a few display little interest in the craftsmanship on the pitch.

“The fact is, Dwarves generally aren’t suited for football psychologically and physiologically,” says Wicket Flitwillow, Professor of Dwarf Studies at the University of Rivendell. “They’re decent leapers, and enduring, but their height and leg length is quite a handicap.”

On the mental side of things, Flitwillow says: “Certainly the Children of Aule enjoy using their physical bodies to perform feats of strength and dexterity, but the problem is, they like to be able to see results- enduring physical proof of their prowess. Objects. Football simply doesn’t reward their efforts the way they prefer.”

Flitwillow added that Dwarves generally don’t have “fun” the way other races do. “They’re very serious. They’re more than welcome to invest in teams, but their desire is to turn a profit. And when it comes to actual playing, they need to be motivated by something rather serious- their pride, for instance.”

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And perhaps Aule had that very idea in mind when he met with the Dwarf-lords and proposed the idea of a Dwarf-centered team named “Dwarves United”. According to meeting insiders, representatives from the Lonely Mountain and Old Moria were initially against it on the grounds it would steal talent from squads they’re already invested in (Erebor and Misty Mts). But Aule informed them he had already been in talks with some talent, and that only a couple would be at all likely to be approached by those squads, and that they didn’t plan to accept.

The dwarves of Belegost and Nogrod, and Durin himself urged their brothers to put it aside for the moment and listen to the proposal, and the Old Moria dwarves gave their permission. The Lonely Mt dwarves on the other hand, spear-headed by King Dain, remained unwilling to accept the premise of a Dwarf-team without clarifying a few matters.

“First, I wonder why no Dwarf has questioned the viability of a squad composed entirely of members of our race,” he said. “We are a talented people, skilled and hardy and valorous, but football has historically failed to balance our strengths and weaknesses.”

At this pronouncement there was much table-pounding and protesting, but Aule motioned for quiet and beckoned Dain to speak again. “That is not to say that a Dwarf or two cannot make a fine addition to a team with an appropriate blend of complimentary talents- did not Azaghal play a fine part in the back-to-back titles gained by Maedhros’ Union squad? But the feats of great Dwarves filling specific roles on teams does not necessarily translate to fielding a team of Dwarves.”

At this, Thrain stood and voiced his support for Dain. “I agree- this has been tried before. Teams composed entirely of Dwarves, or Hobbits, who share our lack of length, have found little success in Arda Cup through the years. I cannot imagine agreeing to such an unwise investment.”

The word “investment” seemed to put the issue of injured Dwarf-pride out of the minds of the other attendees. Aule was, after all, asking them to help fund the venture, and the point of any investment was to gain from it. The Dwarves of Belegost and Nogrod now looked skeptical as they turned to face Aule again, who did not appear flustered by the flow of things.

“Your concerns are justified, Dain, Thrain,” he said, nodding to each, “But do not suppose that I have overlooked such matters. While I am proposing a Dwarf-owned team named ‘Dwarves United’, I fully intend to include non-Dwarves. Not just any non-Dwarves, of course, but tried and true Dwarf-friends- those that we have allied with at one time or another, and that have respect for Dwarf-kind.”

There was interested murmuring at this announcement, in the midst of which Gimli son of Gloin shouted, “The Lady Galadriel would be a strong ally!” Following his lead, many Dwarves began yelling out names of Dwarf-friends that they were partial to. Aule motioned for quiet again.

“Feel free to reach out to Dwarf-friends and bring their names to me if they are in fact interested, but with the reformation this season and the frantic signing period, it’s very likely your intended targets will not be able to join us- this year.” There was a lot of head-nodding after that remark. The Dwarves seemed pleased by the idea that Aule intended to make the club a mainstay.

“Have you made any successful contacts?” asked a member of the Belegost delegation.

“Indeed I have,” answered Aule. “A great craftsman and friend of Dwarves has agreed to sign on.” Aule winked at Narvi as he continued, “Perhaps Narvi already knows of his friend’s intentions.” Nearly all the Dwarves of Old Moria looked excitedly to Narvi for confirmation, and simply beamed when he gave a small smile and nod. It had to mean Celebrimbor!

Aule rose from his chair grinning and shouted over the buzz. “If you wish to play for the squad, tryouts begin tomorrow! The weather should be fine tomorrow, so be at the Dimrill practice field at noon!”

Before exiting through the doorway, Aule added, "And for those that are wondering- Yes, I'll be in uniform."

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So, Dwarves United looks well on its way. In other Dwarf-related news, the Dwarves of the Lonely Mt. (Erebor Craftsman Union) and their investing partners- Lake Town (Moneybags Monetary Management), Dale (Celduin Corp.), and the Wood Elves (Elves of Mirkwood)- are nearly finished with their Erebor squad, and it looks quite pricey indeed!

Big names come with price tags, and Erebor looks to have no shortage of recognizable figures, such as Smaug, Beorn, Thranduil, and even Gwaihir. Our sources within the Erebor Craftsman Union tell us they expect the team salary to top out somewhere around or just above 100 million, which would potentially give Erebor the highest payroll east of the sea!

The cash-minded former Mayor Moneybags of Lake Town has been pushing for a dirt-cheap roster all along and nearly left the investment pact when his strategy was overruled, but in the end he and his cronies couldn’t stand to be left out of such a big event, and they are hoping the spending yields high results.