I assign viciously snappy patrons in libraries. When I say that somebody else had already taken The Constant Gardener out, I'm not lying. And even if I could, dear patrons, go into the system to find out who has it, I wouldn't. It's none of my business, certainly none of yours, and it's sickeningly unethical. Bad patrons! When I say the movie isn't in the library, it's not a conspiracy against you, so don't be mean to me or I'll call security just to be vindictive.
