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I assign my inability to indulge in a good cry despite desperately wanting to because I have never learned the skill of shedding tears at will and I hate it that the tears come only when I don't want them to and it makes me feel so bad that I can't somehow alleviate whatever heaviness I'm feeling because I can't even cry about it but I think that I was just too confused to cry so I just wanted someone to listen to me and comfort me and although I love my mom dearly and I tell her almost everything she didn't quite seem to fit the bill that time because the person I was looking for was a Downer but that didn't make sense because one the person is a Downer and the waters are vast and the time zones hindering and two I couldn't even understand what was disturbing me so much and I doubt that I could have put it in words so I don't know how I would have been able to let it all out so I ended up just staring morosely at nothing outside the car window and trying to make sense out of nonsense and going back to my pathetic and futile attempts to cry.
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