[piosenniel]

First the son, now the Mother. Heated anger from the one, cool reasoning from the other. This is what happens when you attach your life to others. Their concerns and problems spill over into yours, and oft times the results are disastrous and beyond control.

Pio rubbed her temples at this line of thinking, an unaccustomed headache playing behind her eyes. What a fool I was for ever thinking I could play this out aright. She blinked back tears that gathered now at the corners of her eyes. I am in it now, though, and deeply. I have no choice but to step up and see it done.

She sat down on the bed, while Cami spoke to her. The Elf’s face was an unreadable mask of forced composure. She listened carefully to each word the Hobbit spoke, and her mind read the emotions cached behind them. What she understood was that the friendship and affection that had been built between them over the long course of this journey, now stretched between them by a single, thin strand. Her unthinking action had brought them to this, and one false word or gesture on her part would snap it.

Cami had finished speaking, and a deep silence hung between the two women. Then Pio drew her down on the bed beside her. She knelt on the floor at the Cami’s knees, and taking her friend’s two hands in hers she kissed her inner wrists where the recent ropes had chafed the memories of those other, brutish chains.

Her grey eyes looked deeply into Cami’s and held her gaze, unwavering. She clasped both of Cami’s hands together in her own and laid her cool cheek against their warmth.

‘Would that I could undo that unthinking deed, but I cannot.’ she said softly. ‘I was wrong to do what I did. You are dearer to me than any friend I have ever had, and I have hurt you deeply. I am sorry.’

Cami made as if to speak, but Pio shook her head, saying, ‘Please let me get through what I need to say, before the small light of reason grows dim again.’

‘You are right in thinking that I have not always seen you as capable of taking care of yourself in this wide and dangerous world. It is a conceit I bear as one of the First-Born and because I have lived through too many ages and seen how even reasoning creatures prey upon what they consider the lesser. I have been guilty of that myself.’

She sighed. ‘I would take care of you . . . all of you, that is what I came back to do. It is only with great difficulty that I can think of stepping back to let you make your own decisions, decide your own actions. Especially true is this for those I hold dearest.’

‘You think I do not understand why you did what you did when you stepped in to protect your child from danger. I do understand it. That is one of my faults, if not my greatest, I think of you all in the same way I would my children. I understand that you think that wrong. And perhaps it should be, or at least perhaps my actions should not proceed from that belief. I feel responsible for you and for your well being. I think I always will – I who have been granted so much by life.’

Pio paced the small area of the room like a caged animal, and spoke as if to herself, reasoning the twists and turns of this relationship out in her own way. ‘Were I the old Piosenniel, the one you first knew, I would have laughed at your concerns, knowing that I had done right, that my actions were the most expedient to bring about the necessary outcome. And had you chastised me, even as gently as you have, I would have disregarded it, as being the unskilled thoughts of someone without my understanding.’

She stopped and regarded the Hobbit. ‘You thought me your friend, then, and in my own way I was. But I would use my understanding of what you needed from me to meet the goals necessary to complete the task set for me. I would never have considered that the task was something you, on your own, might attain, or even that the task set was for you to accomplish.’

Pio resumed her pacing. ‘That is how I saw things then. And when I returned as Tulë still I saw myself as the one who would guide you. I was insulated then from the web of friendship, relying only on what I knew was necessary to be done. The resolution of this quest was a series of steps to be eased into place by me through you.’

She paused and breathed deeply remembering that fateful night. ‘Then Mithadan called me back. And I could not refuse. Yet even then, I told him that I did not know who had answered his call.’ She furrowed her brow at the thought of it. ‘I only know that it was someone new, someone, who for all her years on this earth, was quite new to it. Someone who did not know her way.’

‘And still I do not. At least it seems so when I try to puzzle out relations to other people.’

Sitting down once again on the bed, Pio laughed at herself. ‘This sounds like so much Elvish excuse making even to me. I have turned this away from you and your concerns to fit my needs once again. Let me stop myself here, and bring the focus back to you.’ She took a deep breath, and looked her friend in the face once more.

‘Again, I am sorry, Cami, for the hurt I caused you. In my heart I do know how capable you are of leading and teaching your people. You will do it with kindness and gentle words and most of all by your example. Fate chose well when it chose you for this task. I can only say it has been my great privilege to help you as I could and to count you as my friend.’

‘Let me make these promises to you for the short time we have left together. I will meet you as an equal. I will honor your decisions and your actions – not stepping in unless you request it and only to the point you agree to. That is all I can offer to assure you I will cause you no further pain. That, and this last request – that you speak up and bring it to my attention when my actions step beyond the boundaries you have set.’ She gazed down at the floor, her shoulders hunched. ‘What I cannot guarantee you, what you will have to find out for yourself, is whether other folk, big or little, will respect and treasure you and yours. I can only say that I will try.’

Looking out the porthole, Pio noted how the moon had moved across the night sky. She picked up her cloak and drew it close around her.

‘Walk with me, if you will,’ she asked of Cami, ‘up to the deck. The hour grows late, and I would relieve Mithadan of the watch.’

She offered a hand up to Cami, still seated on the bed, saying, ‘Will you come . . .?’

[ December 20, 2002: Message edited by: piosenniel ]