[Child of the 7th Age]

Cami sat up in her bed, abruptly woken from sleep by disturbing dreams and images. She reached down and touched where the chains had wrapped around her wrists and ankles, lightly chaffing against her skin. She brought her shaking fingertips to her face and groped towards her cheeks, feeling the soft tears that fell unbidden even in sleep.

Where was she? Was she really here, safely hidden on the Star? Or was she somewhere else, long ago and far away? She remembered the night when she'd left Gondolin behind, with her arms bound in chains, not knowing that the Elf had died. The forced march held such bitter memories, in the ugly threats of Orc guards and the weeping of hobbits, as those who were elderly or unable to keep up slipped down to their deaths. Cami rubbed her wrists again, remembering how the lifeless bodies had dragged along the ground until the jailers brought their great swords to cut through the bonds, leaving hobbits sprawled along the trail as a grim reminder of their passage.

She shuddered and got up, unable to sleep, pulling a light cloak over her shoulders. Her own jailers were gone. Daisy and Kali had been cheerful enough to her, even talking through the closed doorway, but now they had left for bed, and she was free to roam.

Gamba was sleeping in Phura's cabin. She padded softly down the corridor until she came to his door, pushing it open and going inside. The boy was curled up on a pallet in a corner of the room, tossing and turning and muttering words in his sleep. She crouched down beside him and ran her fingers through his tangled curls.

I have no children of my body. You and Rose and the boys are the children of my heart. What must I do to protect you? To keep you from the threats of others and from your own lack of wisdom. I do not know.

Elbereth, Queen of heaven, I am no Elf. But perhaps you listen to the little ones as well. My people are small, and I am afraid. I do not know what path is right for us.

Then Nitir leaned over and pulled the covers over her child and kissed him softly on the head. She sang a simple lullabye in Westron, much as she had heard from her own mother. When Gamba finally lay quiet, she stood up and went out, wandering further down the corridor.

She came to the Elf's chamber and halted. Piosenniel would be alone, for Mithadan was up above keeping watch over the ship. No longer could they rely on the goodness of their neighbors as they'd done in Meneltarma. Instead, they must post guards, and look out with suspicious eyes on everyone who walked past them.

For one sad moment, Cami wondered why she hadn't chosen to be a hobbrim. Perhaps there was still some way that she could claim passage on a ship bound for the Blessed Lands. But that seemed unlikely. The last time she'd checked, hobbits weren't welcome there, at least not those like herself. In the West, surely, there were no chains or guards.

Cami leaned against the walls of the corridor and heard the sounds of the Elf pacing inside her cabin. Piosenniel must be up. She might as well confront her and tell her what she was thinking. Best to get it over as quickly as possible. By the morning, her courage and resolve might not be there.

She knocked softly on the door. She heard the sound of footsteps approaching and the handle being turned to let her inside.
Piosenniel stood in front of her with a weary expression, her face solemn and strained.

"We need to talk," Nitir's voice was hushed but firm as she sat down on the bed.

For a moment, it seemed as if the Elf would begin the conversation, but Cami gestured with her hand and shook her head, asking her to wait.

"Give me a moment to speak my mind, and then I will listen to whatever you wish to say."

"If I had spoken with you this afternoon, I would have shouted in rage at what happened today. There was no need to put me in chains, and to drag me through the city and especially in front of my own people. Surely you understood that. I was going nowhere, except back to the ship."

There was sternness in Cami's voice as she continued, "It was I who discovered the boys were missing and shared that information with you and Bird, because I trusted you to help. Now I wish I had acted on my own, and said nothing."

"Nor is there a need for you to make my decisions about where I go and what I do, without giving me a real chance to respond. Perhaps, you don't understand what happened at the market, but after the twins are born, you will."

"I know you well enough." Cami continued, shaking her finger for emphasis. "You would not leave your child in danger, even if that child was guarded by a twenty-foot troll. You would laugh at the danger and stride inside, and do whatever you needed to do."

"I am no Elf, but I, also, am not a child. I can not stride through the front door to fight as you might. But one way or another, I'll find the back entrance and figure out how to slip my child to safety. City Guard, or no City Guard, I would have gotten those boys back, even if you had not been there. And if that is not true, I have no right to be a leader. I should go back to the library and read books, and let someone else do the job."

Cami sat for a while saying nothing. She looked out the porthole to the city beyond. The tiny lights of Minas Anor were visible, full of promise and the threat of danger, at least for her own hobbit kin. Once again, she struggled to find words for what she intended to say.

"Pio, you're part hobbit yourself, and you and Mithadan and Bird have given more than any I know to save the hobbits from danger. When I heard how your husband had traded those treasured knives for ships, I was touched, even in my anger. You might have held onto them and earned a king's ransom for yourself. Your generosity and bravery know no bounds."

Cami looked over at the Elf and sighed. She had so many to thank for so much. That debt would never go away. Yet, sometimes, just sometimes, that debt made her feel uncomfortable. She pulled her thoughts back and continued.

"I know we couldn't have done any of this without you. But there is one thing you forget sometimes, perhaps because you're so much bigger. There were times on the Star when you and Mithadan would have failed if it hadn't been for hobbit wit and stealth and endurance and, in the end, hobbit blood."

"You must understand that my people and I have had enough of chains. Where another might laugh at what happened today, we see no jest. The reminders they carry are grim indeed. I do not wish to see chains again, not for myself or my kin."

Cami stood up and paced about the room, seemingly talking as much to herself as to her friend Piosenniel. "I promise you I will deal with my son on my own. I will speak to him tomorrow. He has much to learn, and he needs to learn it quickly. Without hobbit commonsense and caution, none of us will survive, and everything we did on the Star will be lost. I will not allow that to happen. These are my people, and I love them."

She sat a moment in silence, wondering whether she should even bring up the other concerns on her mind. Yet, she could not ask Piosenniel to be honest without extending that courtesy to her. Her words came tumbling out in all their blunt honesty, "Today, I even thought of suggeting to Mithadan that he leave the Men's ships here in Minas Anor. Then we could sail the Star back to the Cape, so the hobbits could walk overland to where we need to go, joining together and standing on our own feet without help from others."

"But such a scheme does not make sense. The trip would be long and hard for many. Hurt feelings are not the best way to decide things."

"From our own friendships on the Star, I know it's possible for big folk and little folk to respect and treasure each other. But how much of that camraderie can there be in Middle-earth itself, where so many look after their own interests and compete for what they want? I'm still not sure. I wish I knew. But perhaps even Varda herself could not answer that."

"So we will try again to make this thing work. I am not angry with you. I am only bitterly sad. And, even though, my years are far fewer than yours, today I feel very old indeed."

[ December 16, 2002: Message edited by: Child of the 7th Age ]